Embracing the new family dynamics and looking forward to the future with optimism

just_trying

I  am glad things are settling and they are getting used to your routine to an extent ha,ha what child does that Xx

hb2

pollyanna_26 said:

I'm wondering if spending time with the horses if DGD agees to make an effort to go to school without hanging back or phoning you could work . OK it's a bribe but might it help?

Hope the cough soon clears and the rest of the weekend goes well.

pollyx

Polly, I prefer to call it 'positive reinforcement' rather than 'bribery'

Savvy_sewing

today there is actually nothing urgent that needs to be done.
thankfully.
It is a pottering kind of day planned.
while I Potter I will ponder.
while unable to sleep in the night after Dgs2 had me up for the third time, my head was all over the place. My dreams before had been so busy and all over the place.
so I need to ground myself somewhat. ( I don't mean as we tell kids they are grounded).
 I mean facing the issues that are on my mind, looking for solutions and ways to uncomplicate my life.
Ways to better master my time, and to make life worth waking up for, not just existing for the sake of it.

pollyanna_26

hb2 said:

pollyanna_26 said:

I'm wondering if spending time with the horses if DGD agees to make an effort to go to school without hanging back or phoning you could work . OK it's a bribe but might it help?

Hope the cough soon clears and the rest of the weekend goes well.

pollyx

Polly, I prefer to call it 'positive reinforcement' rather than 'bribery'

I called it " The Carrot and The Stick" hb2.

I think I've mentioned my son here the great homework resister. He would do anything to evade his homework., He had firm plans from the age of four for his future career but ignored the fact he needed to do well at school to do so.

I started literally standing over him after he'd had a quick snack after school , he'd moan and groan sitting at the dining table but wasn't going anywhere until the homework was done..Only then would he escpe to play football with his friends.

The football was the carrot and the homework the stick.

He had his 50th birthday last month and also received his 33years long service award. He'd never have become a Marcus Rashford but rose through the ranks in his chosen career.

This makes me feel very old but I was a young mum!

pollyx

Savvy_sewing

I am going nowhere fast today!
 I had a royal battle with dgs1 about 90 minutes ago, and it stressed me to tears.
 I literally broke down and cried. I must have sat sobbing into my tissue for about 5 minutes!
my eyes are tired, I feel completely shattered and if I could have run away I would have. 

So I am trying to settle myself before I can do anything else. 

beanielou

Blimey.  I so feel for you.
Did he react to that at all?

hb2

beanielou said:

Blimey.  I so feel for you.
Did he react to that at all?

I was wondering the same thing Beanie.

pollyanna_26

Savvy_sewing said:

today there is actually nothing urgent that needs to be done.
thankfully.
It is a pottering kind of day planned.
while I Potter I will ponder.
while unable to sleep in the night after Dgs2 had me up for the third time, my head was all over the place. My dreams before had been so busy and all over the place.
so I need to ground myself somewhat. ( I don't mean as we tell kids they are grounded).
 I mean facing the issues that are on my mind, looking for solutions and ways to uncomplicate my life.
Ways to better master my time, and to make life worth waking up for, not just existing for the sake of it.

I think things were going to be complicated for some time once you took on the care of the two little ones. You had to set aside plans and dreams you'd had for the coming years, It's taken lots of hard work, numerous meetings phone calls etc to get to the point you're at now. That's exhausting and mentally draining.

All I can suggest is whenever possible choose your battles, recognise you aren't Wonder Woman ( none of us are )

Like yourself I always used planners , diaries etc over the years to plan and track things. Many years ago I had an annual A4 size spiral pad and would copy the dates for the forthcoming years direct debits and standing orders in it. Many were monthly but some quarterly or annually. Sometimes costs would increase and I'd adjust accordingly. It just meant a quick look at the forthcoming month gave a quick overview for the month ahead.

Nowadays people do it all online but it worked for me over the years.

As a mum of four like yourself I had to keep track of many things both financially and things concerning the children. I was a stay at home mum until my 2nd marriage then had to return to work.

Sometimes like yourself there were times things felt like going through the motions to get through another month.

I'm not sure if the boys are stil having sleepovers with dad but if they are I hope you can spend some time with your friend. if the girl DGD made friends with is still living nearby maybe they could have sleepovers sometimes.

I think this strange year has been difficult for everyone. I know I've found it tiring watching who is near me in shops while trying to concentrate on shopping . Luckily I've only ventured out a few times but it's strange not to shop the way I used to.

Youngest is still told to stay indoors so a wonky walk around the block is the only normal since mid March. Luckily the gardens are large there so when I drop off the meds we can chat while social distancing.

The early Autumn which seems to have arrived very quickly without the lovely turning and falling of the leaves is more wet and dismal.

I do hope you can banish what appears to be exhaustion and possibly a visit from the black dog Ss. You're the hub everything revolves around so self care when ever possible.

Take care

pollyx

pollyanna_26

Savvy_sewing said:

I am going nowhere fast today!
 I had a royal battle with dgs1 about 90 minutes ago, and it stressed me to tears.
 I literally broke down and cried. I must have sat sobbing into my tissue for about 5 minutes!
my eyes are tired, I feel completely shattered and if I could have run away I would have. 

So I am trying to settle myself before I can do anything else. 

I'm sorry Ss I missed this while posting myself.

You'll be aware a lack of empathy and understanding other peoples feelings is a feature of many ASDs. He's probably not hearing you and listening to what you're saying. I've sometimes wondered if DS is the same when you try to get through to him.

Things are strange at the moment re schools and services but do you feel both DGS1 and yourself are being supported enough?

I know you're drained and eahausted and these things can happen out of the blue but when things implode have you tried looking back over the previous day or two? Was he with dad or granny or yourself..Sometimes something may have triggered a reaction but not always.

Today I suggest apart from making sure everyone is clean and fed and things are ready for tomorrows school run you do nothing else. I  wish there was a way we could make things easier for you.

pollyx

beanielou

At the end of the day you are greiving for the life you thought you were going to have.
Which does not happen overnight.