Embracing the new family dynamics and looking forward to the future with optimism

elisamoose

Savvy_sewing said:

thorsoak said:

Hmmm.......check what routine DS & GF instigated yesterday morning - how different was it to yours today? xxxx

He was home by 11 yesterday and was relatively good. Minor things only.
He went to bed just after 8 I think it was.
 I doubt anything happened 24 hours back would trigger him now. His triggers are pretty instant.
When he's told he can't have a biscuit or crisps at 9am. That he has to get dressed. That he can't snatch a toy from his brother. That he should move when his brother is laughing at him and winding him up.
when he is warned that tech time is coming to an end, or that it is not tech time yet.
This is the normal trigger points.
Today it was plenty of the above. When he was asked to finish his cereal he upended it over the table and the floor.
then everything follows the same pattern and will do probably all day.
Then his brother is target, Dgd, and me.
He's been there, done that today.

Have you had a look into PDA - pathological demand avoidance? It often goes hand in hand with autism.

CRANKY40

One to add to your list SS - Toddler Taming by Dr Christopher Green. Even if it doesn't help, you'll be relieved by the list of things yours don't do. I was. Mine has sensory issues and was a headbanger. The strategies still worked. For anyone who thinks dgs1 isn't a toddler, remember that guidance on appropriate behaviour wasn't available for him when he was younger. Add that to the autism mix and "here comes trouble". 

I'm not some new age parent who believes in letting their child run the household. My son is now 15, well behaved and polite. We discuss problems and we do have coping strategies in place but not as many as we needed when he was younger. Essentially, SS is starting from scratch with both of these children. It's bound to be hard.

Savvy_sewing

I will add to my list thanks.

re Twin1 I believe she was greatful but she and her partner really need to try and live together in their own, with family support of course, but I think it is probably harder for me to think about living with them then it will be for her. Her issues mean life is more simple to her than it is to me.
 I don't see them very much because they live so far away. Originally I worked 6 days a week so no weekends free to go visit, she doesn't drive, so relied on her partner to bring her up etc. He works weekends too so it's not easy.
 I will try to work on another visit as soon as possible for her. But it is not easy to organise 

Savvy_sewing

I have booked us 3 nights down in Kent in a bungalow on the holiday park we were meant to go to in April, so we can visit Twin1 and her other children.

Savvy_sewing

Good morning!
 The boys were a bit full on last night and it was well after 9 nearer 10 before both were asleep. But then nobody woke until 5.45. Dgs2 woke first and asked for milk, but he didn't go back to sleep so by 6.10 he was climbing into bed with me. But then he decided that I was his mountain to climb so I was walked on, balanced on etc. Not quite as effective as those people who walk up and down your spine though!
dgs1 woke 10 minutes later and curled up on the other side. But 2 was too energetic and it was time to come down stairs. They had brioche while I washed up and made cereal and tea.
Asked for tech and I said not this morning your Daddy is coming to see you and your going to them for a few hours. No tantrums, no issues. (Yet).
 I am going to divide my time between another part of the cabin being painted, and then the mending etc that I have accumulated and the school name tapes. 

I will check in with Twin1 later.
 I text her to tell her we are going to visit them next weekend. 

I haven't found any more unsavoury visitors yet, and didn't hear any in the night. Hopefully the problem is solved, but I expect that there are more somewhere. Hopefully dead and outside. 

After the painting is finished, I am planning on refurbishing the sitting room. I have plenty of fabrics to choose from. I just want to decide on exactly what I want. We started painting a duck egg blue on one wall before lockdown, but then I broke my hand and everything stopped.  So I will possibly start with a mood board over the next few days and see what I can do with the room to make it more comfortable and less of a play room.( or at least able to hide the toys in the evening). 

I am looking forward to the transformation now, it has given me something else to think about.
 The other family did not arrange to see the children this weekend, so I am not sure what happened there?
 I will message later and ask them to please confirm the plans and that they need to be consistent if they want to still see the boys, or I think the post adoption team will have something to say, as they were surprised that they were allowed so much access ( well the Mum anyway).
Right kids have had breakfast.
 I have had two cups of tea, but I need some food now.
Here is hoping for a good day today. 

hb2

I echo your hopes for a good day Savvy!

sarahevie1

Hope you have a good day! Mood board sounds a good idea. I've currently got decorators in but have asked for white everywhere walls/ceilings/woodwork to then hopefully add colour through bedding, curtains etc but it all seems an effort!

Savvy_sewing

Daddy arrived on time, boys went off happily. Pjs in their bags. So I have the whole day.
dgd and I did another hour painting the side of the cabin, although at one time I thought it was about to rain.
 I had a break and watched 20 mins of a repair shop programme for motivation and then went out to do the repairs etc.
salvedged my Kath Kidston towel, where ratty had chewed it, so now instead of a bath towel I have a guest size towel and a hand towel. 

Then I did the hem for a customer and then the mending of the worst clothes ever, but I had music on and actually enjoyed it.
 I have been donated two bags of fabric remnants and some very old fabric on a roll. So while I put my hair dye on. -and leave it to do its thing I will enjoy a rummage.
twin1 is ok, and I have told her biggest has also offered if her and the children want to visit they can.
A good day so far. X

beanielou

So glad that it has been a good day so far 😊. X

Savvy_sewing

Boys are back.
Ready for bed, but not tired ready it seems.
 I will give them 30 minutes and then try to get Dgs2 to bed first. 

I popped to the shop to get Dgd her hair dye, so I had to do it there and then. Not easy and as it's blue rather than my blonde she has blue scalp and hair line as I didn't get it wiped off quick enough. My glove tore so I have a blue finger nail now!
I was gifted two bags and two rolls of fabric that are 1982/4 in age. So I had a great rummage and have some fascinating half finished projects in amongst it. I want to give them the chance to be finished, some 36/38 years after they were started. I know the dates because there were shopping receipts for the fabric etc. 

I don't know if anyone else gets excited about finding treasures in someone else's UFO's (  un finished objects).