Embracing the new family dynamics and looking forward to the future with optimism

Savvy_sewing

Oh dear!
not my best day.
it started with a catastrophe in the washing machine with a blanket that was chenille and bright red that disintegrated all over the red and pink stuff. Two dustpans full of fluff on the floor as I opened the door! Looked like a crime scene!
then I broke a mug.
 I went outside when DS came to keep an eye on the boys while I tackled the large order I had missed.
unfortunately he didn't exactly do much with them, he came in put a film on and promptly fell asleep. So I kept Popping in to make sure that he was awake, and had to tell him to feed the boys, and when I had gone back outside ( around 3.25) he messaged me he was going between 5.30 and 6. ( why couldn't he have told me when I was in the house?), then I replied with "oh, don't you live here anymore then?"
He basically said he was sick of being told what to do. ( on Tuesday I asked if he would care for the boys Saturday while I caught up with work that I didn't get done being at the hospital all day).
 I messaged that I was gobsmacked at his response and that I would finish the order I was doing and go in.
unfortunately I was somewhat angry by then, and wasn't in the mood to sew anymore anyway. I came in and told him that I was amazed at his messages and that did he think that I was sewing for peanuts for fun? That for all the work I had done today I had earned around £100, he said well that's good isn't it, snd I said not really, as all it was was one payment on his HGV loan that he doesn't pay. I told him that I thought that he wanted to be with his children but his reply was that he also wanted to make his own plans. So I am afraid I told him, go on then, go find a B & B or go live at his girlfriends. So he stormed off there and then. 

He can go and make all his own decisions and deal with all his own carp. 

I have had enough!
my sympathy has run out, my patience is gone. 

I will just work part time around school, and deal with the family myself. I have had it.
 I need to be strong now and make sure that he understands that I am not going to accept it anymore.  

beanielou

Well. I am glad that you told him. 

I am glad you stood up for yourself & the boys. I really hope that you can stick to it. 

It is for the best. 

elisamoose

Well I would say that unless you have seen clear drug tests you need to assume he is back on some sort of drug - falling asleep , upset stomach , mood swings.In my experience .

hb2

Savvy, that kind of anger can be exhausting, I hope you are OK and not paying the price now. FWIW, I think this has been a long time coming and is probably the best thing for everyone - but he is still your son and you love him, despite his faults. I hope you will be able to rebuild some kind of relationship when you are no longer having to deal with his foibles on a daily basis.

thorsoak

Although I am so sad for you, I am also wanting to turn cartwheels - you have finally cut that umbilical cord!   Well done.   He now has to sort himself out - and although it may be difficultfor you to get things sorted out at first, you now know exactly what you have to do - and now there will be fewer calls upon your purse.    

As HB says, time is a great healer, and when he has grown up a bit, he will appreciate all that you have done for him. xxxxxx
Edited to add:  hope that £100 doesn't now go on his HGV loan!

pollyanna_26

Well done Ss , Stay strong and don't backtrack. Whether he's around or not he hurts you all the time with his couldn;t care kess attitude and the damage it causes to both your mental and physical health.

It's hurful to have to do what you finally have but as thorsoak said recently a quick amputation is cleaner and quicker in the long run. He will never change whatever happens. It's also far healthier for both dgd and the boys not to observe his behaviour on an ongoing basis. Hw will never be a good role model for anyone.

The last thing I remember of the HGV course is he failed the theory for the 2nd time. I've no idea what the agreement was  but I'm wondering if there's some sort of get out clause while he's still in the early stages which could help reduce or stop your monthlyy repayments. With ihis previous track record I doubt he'll ever finish the course. It's a very long time since you took out the loan. and he's still at the theory stage. When things have calmed down have a read through the HGV agreement.

I feel so angry he has been so rude and uncaring to you. IMO you have done everything you could and more. Now he;s gone it's up to him to grow up and live his life more like an adult and parent than a stroppy teenager.

pollyx.

Savvy_sewing

I will survive. At this moment I don't give a flying gig how he sorts himself out.
unfortunately the money will have to go on the loan because it's in my name. 

It is not the company that the loan is with it's a finance company.

pollyanna_26

Savvy_sewing said:

I will survive. At this moment I don't give a flying gig how he sorts himself out.
unfortunately the money will have to go on the loan because it's in my name. 

It is not the company that the loan is with it's a finance company.

I know you're lliable for the loan but was wondering if you can get money refunded for the parts of the course he hasn't taken.. Didn't really make that clear in my post. If it was possible you could pay any refund off the loan.

I don't want you to dwell on what's happened but do remember how far he's finally pushed you. How his priority as it's always been are his wants and needs . Life's too short to ever put yourself back in the situation you've been in over and over again with him.

You can manage, you're a strong lady. Whatever the days ahead brings make your plans ' sort out your routine and don't let him take you off course.

pollyx

thorsoak

:-(   That's a real bummer! But, as you say, you will survive - stay strong -you are a fantastic role model for DGD - hope she knows what has happened.

Savvy_sewing

She heard me shouting back at him so I have told her that I cannot have him mess up anythingelse. 

I think she gets what is going on with him. 

Let's see how she is with him not around.
The boys didn't react at all. Didn't even ask where he was.  Says a lot.