Buffy takes it 6 months at a time

badmemory

Yes I believe you can lay it over the top but if it has got really manky I'm not sure it would be a good idea.  A friend uses squares that look like nappies put on the carpet for their dog to use, would that be an answer or would they just avoid it?

Perhaps lay it going up the skirting a bit to stop any untoward overspill.  Didn't someone suggest putting their food in there which ought to work as they shouldn't **** where they eat.

Buffythedebtslayer

efes_shareholder said:

Buffy , i can empathise with you on living with someone whose standards/expectations are below your own in terms of surroundings as my mum sounds very similar , she has also had health problems including mental health issues for as long as I have been back home. Shes now sadly terminally ill so can do very little but the pressure on myself rather then my sibling is ten fold. 
We too had dogs , dogs who would just pee or poop wherever they pleased , my mum didnt seem to care and even now 2 years after the dogs are no more I am still finding evidence of them as I clear clutter.
It is tough , its more then tough when you long for your own pristine and welcoming living space yet its out of reach. Hang in there , it won't be forever even though it feels like it at the moment. 
Very few of my friends know that I have not even bathed in this house for over 3 years as the state of the bathroom just gets me down too much , now I have the means to rip it  out and replace it which is the only way it can be improved I can't help workmen in doing it with mums health as it is.
i've got by by begging showers at the few friends that do know , using the one at the gym , paying for aqua aerobics just to have a shower and not do the class and now I have a key to my bf's who luckily is 20 minutes away I often dash there for a wash.
Some of the things I've encountered and put up with other the years i've been home make me realise I'm much more tolerant and stronger then I ever thought possible , Had i known what I was letting myself in for when I chose to come home rather then pay out for private rent I would never have come home and now I'm here I'm pretty much stuck 
Focus on the things that make you smile and the things that you enjoy , try and make your own living space as lovely as you can and focus on spending as much time in there as you can !! 

Oh Efes, that is just awful, I am so sorry. And yes, you don't really know the impact it has on you till you are in it. Mum would love a clean and tidy house but the fact she has been alive so long and owns so much and is so heartbroken by losing my Dad she is so reluctant to change anything. I know when I have made suggestions or done stuff she becomes so stressed and anxious. I feel terrible. When she used go away I could get a handle on stuff and she wouldn't see everything going out the door or in the bin, she would come home to a clean tidy organised house and a very happy me! but she hasn't gone away for a significant period of time for almost 4 years now, even when she has I have been my sister' gopher and the clutter has built up, plus with her decline in health due to covid.  My sister now has a better handle on her life (I hope) and doesn't need me so much, which is lucky as Mum does! 

Some things are better, the kitchen, the bathroom, even the living room. I own less. I don't have a multitude of cleaners we don't use or food we will never eat. Personally I have less of everything. 

 Efes, it must be so hard with your mum. You are so kind to give me advice. I dread that period of time. You are very brave and strong. Part of the reason why i want the house and the garden sorted out so she can enjoy it. She did say today she wanted the dinning table in the conservatory.... hmmmm. 

Take Care Efes XXX

efes_shareholder

Buffythedebtslayer said:

efes_shareholder said:

Buffy , i can empathise with you on living with someone whose standards/expectations are below your own in terms of surroundings as my mum sounds very similar , she has also had health problems including mental health issues for as long as I have been back home. Shes now sadly terminally ill so can do very little but the pressure on myself rather then my sibling is ten fold. 
We too had dogs , dogs who would just pee or poop wherever they pleased , my mum didnt seem to care and even now 2 years after the dogs are no more I am still finding evidence of them as I clear clutter.
It is tough , its more then tough when you long for your own pristine and welcoming living space yet its out of reach. Hang in there , it won't be forever even though it feels like it at the moment. 
Very few of my friends know that I have not even bathed in this house for over 3 years as the state of the bathroom just gets me down too much , now I have the means to rip it  out and replace it which is the only way it can be improved I can't help workmen in doing it with mums health as it is.
i've got by by begging showers at the few friends that do know , using the one at the gym , paying for aqua aerobics just to have a shower and not do the class and now I have a key to my bf's who luckily is 20 minutes away I often dash there for a wash.
Some of the things I've encountered and put up with other the years i've been home make me realise I'm much more tolerant and stronger then I ever thought possible , Had i known what I was letting myself in for when I chose to come home rather then pay out for private rent I would never have come home and now I'm here I'm pretty much stuck 
Focus on the things that make you smile and the things that you enjoy , try and make your own living space as lovely as you can and focus on spending as much time in there as you can !! 

Oh Efes, that is just awful, I am so sorry. And yes, you don't really know the impact it has on you till you are in it. Mum would love a clean and tidy house but the fact she has been alive so long and owns so much and is so heartbroken by losing my Dad she is so reluctant to change anything. I know when I have made suggestions or done stuff she becomes so stressed and anxious. I feel terrible. When she used go away I could get a handle on stuff and she wouldn't see everything going out the door or in the bin, she would come home to a clean tidy organised house and a very happy me! but she hasn't gone away for a significant period of time for almost 4 years now, even when she has I have been my sister' gopher and the clutter has built up, plus with her decline in health due to covid.  My sister now has a better handle on her life (I hope) and doesn't need me so much, which is lucky as Mum does! 

Some things are better, the kitchen, the bathroom, even the living room. I own less. I don't have a multitude of cleaners we don't use or food we will never eat. Personally I have less of everything. 

 Efes, it must be so hard with your mum. You are so kind to give me advice. I dread that period of time. You are very brave and strong. Part of the reason why i want the house and the garden sorted out so she can enjoy it. She did say today she wanted the dinning table in the conservatory.... hmmmm. 

Take Care Efes XXX

Thank you , it is tough but you do everything you can for your parents , the love just kicks in 
Its frustrating at times and it feels thankless at times especially when it feels no one sees what you do or appreciates it but trust me your mum does more then you will ever know.
My mum went down hill after my step dad passed which coincided with my return home but she could just not be bothered, I used to give the house a good going over every week but it never stayed tidy for more then a day so in the end you get disheartened........ now shes poorly she has totally changed and likes everything just so , random stuff like descaling the kettle !! 
My mum has a lot of clutter , ive cleared some but she doesn't see excatly what goes out , it must be tricky when your mums emotionally connected to everything.
If you use social media you may find a reasonable handyman to sort the garden for you , I dont know if you have a loft you could move some of the excess items too so they don't actually go ? 

beanielou

mothernerd~~I salute you.

jellytots~~ That weight loss is so impressive 

beanielou

Genuine question Buffy~~can your mum not even make her lunch?

Buffythedebtslayer

beanielou said:

Genuine question Buffy~~can your mum not even make her lunch?

She can do things like cuppa soup, toast. I buy her a pasta salad when I go shopping. The big issue is she can't turn the oven on, it is a worry as it is gas, she can't hold the ignition on it is too painful. We are trying to find an electric one that fits into the gap....

Buffythedebtslayer

efes_shareholder said:

Buffythedebtslayer said:

efes_shareholder said:

Buffy , i can empathise with you on living with someone whose standards/expectations are below your own in terms of surroundings as my mum sounds very similar , she has also had health problems including mental health issues for as long as I have been back home. Shes now sadly terminally ill so can do very little but the pressure on myself rather then my sibling is ten fold. 
We too had dogs , dogs who would just pee or poop wherever they pleased , my mum didnt seem to care and even now 2 years after the dogs are no more I am still finding evidence of them as I clear clutter.
It is tough , its more then tough when you long for your own pristine and welcoming living space yet its out of reach. Hang in there , it won't be forever even though it feels like it at the moment. 
Very few of my friends know that I have not even bathed in this house for over 3 years as the state of the bathroom just gets me down too much , now I have the means to rip it  out and replace it which is the only way it can be improved I can't help workmen in doing it with mums health as it is.
i've got by by begging showers at the few friends that do know , using the one at the gym , paying for aqua aerobics just to have a shower and not do the class and now I have a key to my bf's who luckily is 20 minutes away I often dash there for a wash.
Some of the things I've encountered and put up with other the years i've been home make me realise I'm much more tolerant and stronger then I ever thought possible , Had i known what I was letting myself in for when I chose to come home rather then pay out for private rent I would never have come home and now I'm here I'm pretty much stuck 
Focus on the things that make you smile and the things that you enjoy , try and make your own living space as lovely as you can and focus on spending as much time in there as you can !! 

Oh Efes, that is just awful, I am so sorry. And yes, you don't really know the impact it has on you till you are in it. Mum would love a clean and tidy house but the fact she has been alive so long and owns so much and is so heartbroken by losing my Dad she is so reluctant to change anything. I know when I have made suggestions or done stuff she becomes so stressed and anxious. I feel terrible. When she used go away I could get a handle on stuff and she wouldn't see everything going out the door or in the bin, she would come home to a clean tidy organised house and a very happy me! but she hasn't gone away for a significant period of time for almost 4 years now, even when she has I have been my sister' gopher and the clutter has built up, plus with her decline in health due to covid.  My sister now has a better handle on her life (I hope) and doesn't need me so much, which is lucky as Mum does! 

Some things are better, the kitchen, the bathroom, even the living room. I own less. I don't have a multitude of cleaners we don't use or food we will never eat. Personally I have less of everything. 

 Efes, it must be so hard with your mum. You are so kind to give me advice. I dread that period of time. You are very brave and strong. Part of the reason why i want the house and the garden sorted out so she can enjoy it. She did say today she wanted the dinning table in the conservatory.... hmmmm. 

Take Care Efes XXX

Thank you , it is tough but you do everything you can for your parents , the love just kicks in 
Its frustrating at times and it feels thankless at times especially when it feels no one sees what you do or appreciates it but trust me your mum does more then you will ever know.
My mum went down hill after my step dad passed which coincided with my return home but she could just not be bothered, I used to give the house a good going over every week but it never stayed tidy for more then a day so in the end you get disheartened........ now shes poorly she has totally changed and likes everything just so , random stuff like descaling the kettle !! 
My mum has a lot of clutter , ive cleared some but she doesn't see excatly what goes out , it must be tricky when your mums emotionally connected to everything.
If you use social media you may find a reasonable handyman to sort the garden for you , I dont know if you have a loft you could move some of the excess items too so they don't actually go ? 

You are right, the love does kick in. It is only love that would have put up with the lives we are currently leading. Not that mine is so bad.  XXXX 

beanielou

Ok.
So take this in the spirit meant ect.
When my gran was still alive we had to basically overule her & get carers in at lunchtime as she could no longer manage.
Cruel but kind.  

Buffythedebtslayer

beanielou said:

Ok.
So take this in the spirit meant ect.
When my gran was still alive we had to basically overule her & get carers in at lunchtime as she could no longer manage.
Cruel but kind.  

Yeah, I have said this to her and my sisters, when she was really bad at Easter and I had to go back to work, I raised it again but she won't have it and my sisters aren't going to support me on over ruling her. At the moment, touch wood she is doing better, I have quietly improved her diet and she is more regular with her meds etc, particularly the pain relief. She is quite adamant that she is fine on toast or cuppa soups, like I say I used to try and leave her something.  

This sounds awful but I assume once I am back at work and it is winter she will go down hill again and I will be faced with that situation. I will keep my sister's informed. I will have to do it at some point. 

Buffythedebtslayer

Anyhow moving on to more positive things. 

Today I did a work out video, cleaned out all the animals, went shopping, and went to the tip. Food wise things were terrible! but Food delivery tomorrow  

I hope to do a workout again tomorrow. Food delivery and then conservatory saga part 345.