Buffy takes it 6 months at a time

Sun_Addict

OMG 😱 It’s been unexpectedly lovely here. Hope all is ok xx

Buffythedebtslayer

It is now, well as far as things being dry go, I am very worried the rabbits will dig in to each other's areas now....but better than definitely being soaked, they may dig they may not. 

I am also worried that I have poisoned the dogs. We had beef in ale, it had onions in it and I let them lick my plate! (yes, gross I know) There were no actual onions consumed but they were in the gravy... and mum fed them some of the meat. I didn't leave much at all but am still paranoid.  

mothernerd

Hugs Buffy - the best laid plans of mice and men, gae oft agley.

Buffythedebtslayer

mothernerd said:

Hugs Buffy - the best laid plans of mice and men, gae oft agley.

Am assuming that means tits up. Indeed. 

As Scarlet would say I will think about that tomorrow, tomorrow is another day. 

Buffythedebtslayer

Hmm they have shut the local hospital, due to flooding. Always a worry when in your head you think ok, I can get to hospital in 25 minutes. Now the nearest one is 40 minutes away. Also makes me realise how much I live like that, connected and aware to illness. 

On the plus side, so far so good with rabbits. small mercies. 

Buffythedebtslayer

My tank stand hasn't shown up, was meant arrive Wednesday, the seller sent an e mail asking me to confirm the order number? What, the order number in the message title? Or the order number in the original message? Just wasting time to make me not complain because they have replied in the allotted time. GRrrrr. 

Buffythedebtslayer

Morning all

Mum wasn't well in the night, an upset tummy, very unpleasant for her as she gets upset at being physically ill. Hence me being up so late last night. 

I got up this morning, let the dogs out for a wee - both wee'd yet I go and have a shower and come back to two wees in the conservatory. Which yesterday smelt like a toilet in a basement nightclub. I am so tired of it. The smell is awful. 

I just want things CLEAN!!!

Buffythedebtslayer

I cleaned the kitchen floor. My way, not Mum's way. It looked better afterwards. Couldn't get rid of the smell in the conservatory. Made breakfast. cleaned up. 

After that I went to bed. Just had enough. Accidently left Mum starving as she didn't have lunch as I was asleep. so when I came down at 4.50! I made lunch. 

This sounds really self indulgent but I am just embracing the sadness. The party on Saturday was nice but it reminded me of all the things I will never have and it is very hard. I normally avoid things like that, people just feel sorry for you, they mean well but it is frustrating and embarrassing and actually difficult to keep showing up for the awkward small talk and the nothing. Being in all the time does me no good at all. I spent so much money yesterday on nice food and it was good, but yet again today we have no dinner beyond fish fingers. And Mum is still unwell. She thinks it is because of the meal she ate on Saturday when I went out. I am tired from worrying about it. I looked at some posts in a group I am in and found one from August last year - the conservatory, mum and the dogs all featured. I know why I haven't moved forwards in over a year, I needed all my strength to deal with covid and my sister's situation, the worry of mum, work/students etc. I can't think these things don't impact me and I do never get a break. I must remember this. 

I do acknowledge that I am depressed today, it is 9 days till my next period so it might be that. I honestly think tho that the mess and the dogs has pushed me over. my room is terrible, I am so ashamed. I was doing so well for a while there. And now it is like I have no self respect. I can only keep up with the basics in the house. I could get up and do something now but I feel like I can't move. 

I am going to move the hay order and clear the hall.  Maybe that will start a cascade of cleaning! 

badmemory

I am sure I have said this before, but please stop beating yourself up over stuff.  I have lived with teachers & know that most of them can do nothing the first 2 weeks of the summer holidays.  Your colleagues may not tell you this as they are also feeling bad because they are not getting stuff done.  A lot of them will have someone who will take up the slack but most don't.  And don't get me started on Christmas if the end of term is too close to Xmas day.  By the time I was 11 I hated Xmas.

ETA  use this holiday to get yourself to the drs & deal with the period stuff.

Sun_Addict

I so get your distress at the toilet smell, only with me it’s Mr SA not the pets. 

You need to concentrate on the things you can do rather than what others are doing that you can’t. I know exactly how you feel, I see my FB friends doing things I want to do and can’t, it’s very upsetting. I try to say “well you can’t do that but you can do this…” Doesn’t always work though ☹️

The kids haven’t broken up from school yet where I live, just think yourself lucky you don’t live here, they’ve only got 5 weeks off.