Buffy takes it 6 months at a time

mothernerd

Yesterday evening it went cool and breezy, we had heavy cloud, we had thunder rumbles and then nothing. Back to relentless heat now. It isn't just because we are 'women of a certain age' (or several 'certain ages') - the Tessimo delivery driver was younger than my sons and when I told him it was supposed to rain today he said he was going to dance in it, when it happened.

I'm hoping (not 'planning to' or 'must do') get water from the water butt and give it to the plants most in need. I have washing done early yesterday to go out (no rush, it'll still dry if it goes out at 6 pm and if I put it out overnight and it rains, that'll be a result (joy of rain will outweigh the need to dry the washing). I would like to make the bed properly. I had a busy day yesterday and I'm having a slow day today.

I'm currently 'air drying' myself as I've lost the towel. I picked it up after my third shower (just kept sluicing the sweat off) used it as a shield to go outside - only a couple of steps (I wanted some things that weren't in my bags so must still be in the SM trolley). No way was I going to put the sodden sweaty dress back on but didn't want to scare any neighbours whose windows overlook the yard. I must have put it down on the bed but it's disappeared in the mountain of bedding.

I couldn't sleep on Wednesday night and at 6 am yesterday I started a room layout change. I knew I wanted to do it but had no idea how I was going to do it. I should have had 2 hours before mum got up (I used the front room to sort things into categories) but she got up at 7 am - she did apologise later when she realised it was an hour earlier than she thought.

Spent several hours moving them out of the room and setting up categories for sorting and then adding to each pile as I worked my way across the room (eg couch had the large wooly mattress cover, then cushion and pillows - the pillows had gone flat and someone had given mum a bag of spare cushion inners, so I paired a cushion with each flat pillow inside the pillowcases - pillowcase pile and then sheets (which now includes valances and a quilt cover as I'm trying to wear out and use up mum's collection of 'spare' bedding rather than have it filling all 4 of the storage drawers in the bed).

Lots of stuff on the floor. I'm finding I 'fumble' a lot, small items fall on the bed or on the floor, then roll under the bed. I can't see them (particular items rather than a sea of mess) and it's hard to pick things up - I go dizzy very quickly when I start bending down and it takes me forever to get down on the floor and even longer to get up again. Started to get tired by 10 am (stumbling) so did as much as I could sitting in a chair - picked up everything I could reach from one particular spot and put them in 'trays', then litter picked anything too large for Henry (he seems to not like feathers), then 'scraped' and Henried.

Then moved furniture  - mattress on it's side against the wall, followed by the two halves of the base. Checked how much was in the drawers first to see if it was doable (one was full of mum 'tat' -stuff she doesn't need very often, or at all so it's kept in 'my' room and I moved it to give me some drawer space),, the ones on the wall side were mostly old curtains. Moved large drawers and pulled the fridge freezer out (DS2 and his gf had duplicates when they moved in together and mum had given him money to buy the ff - I also tried to buy a full size freezer at the start of the pandemic as mum has very little freezer space). moved the small drawers into that space then had to pull it out again to sort plugs and the socket out (behind the bookshelves which are a lot bigger than me so wasn't going to argue with them)

Filled a box with food (small drawers had 2 out of 5 broken, so swapped them for the two bottom ones and have been using the space for storing taller vinegar and sauce bottles till needed - only room for the one in use in the kitchen, I'm buying most things in 3s to cut down on stockchecking particularly for things that are only stocked by certain shops and have to be hunted down). Spare bottomless drawers were used as extra book/ plant storage with a slat shelf suspended across them in case you were wondering.

Put the first half of the bed base in it's new position (roughly as I need to put the top end in before I knew exactly). unfortunately it landed on the bottom corner of the food box and I didn't have much room to sort things. Stopped to bring the food in (mostly). Ate, then started again. bed base down, then shuffled it a few inches. Wrangled the mattress (still working round the fridge freezer as it was going where the mattress was). Moved fridge freezer by inches, then the large chest of drawers. This was a revision of the original plan but works even better.

I brought most of the bedding through (in a heap on the bed as I would still like to do the floor some more especially the part that was previously under the bed). I was hoping to do the bed in stages but settled for a sheet under me, one over me and the rolled up mattress cover as a bolster. brought essential items through - reading book, laptop, CPAP machine (plugged in and masked up in case I dozed off), handbag (pills), notebook and pen, cup and drinks, raw veg and dips to snack on.

My mum needed to 'talk to me' last week (was more of a talking too). Perversely it's made me stronger. I was having a bit of a mental health wobble (continued uncertainty, not visited my house for over a fortnight, digging as a displacement activity and lots of emotional eating. Mum isn't going to change. She is and always will be hyper critical of the way I look, everything I say or do, who I am (even the way I do every little task is 'wrong'). She's often or mostly wrong. Her alternate history of my life is wrong (we've all withheld parts of our lives from her).

Perversely her attack (we reached the scraping the bottom of the barrel level of insults) has made me stronger. Where I was wobbling, I am now back to being 'me' and I like and approve of me. I'm making healthier eating choices, reducing but not eliminating food 'treats' BUT I'm doing it for me, not her. I'll continue doing what I can and letting most of what she says pass me by. She's not well, very tetchy and bored and I'm the only visible target for her displeasure (it's nothing to do with me).

Hugs buffy,  we will get through this. Change what we can, include as many moments of joy or happiness as we can, carve out a little space and time for ourselves.

Buffythedebtslayer

Oh Mothernerd, so much of what you write is echoed in my life. XX thank you for being here and please take care XX I do understand that bit about when she has a go, it just reminds you who you are and what you are doing. 

Today I attacked things in the garden, anger management and weeding all in one. I cut down the brambles and some bushes. I don't care that it is the wrong time of year! It was very satisfying. I now have a huge and I do mean huge pile of brambles to get rid of..........Sunday will bring many trips to the tip. 

So for me it was a good day, not for mum who was in a lot of pain and also upset about her friend who is going blind. We argued (pre this information) as she criticised my tv choice, so I turned the tv off and then later she complained  about the NHS and how old people were forgotten and left to die. This proper wound me up as if you engage with the system (here at least (and she does not!) then it does work, she has the district nurse, the hospital have done everything, the only weak spot are the doctors who were crap pre-covid. Meanwhile a number of friends who contact the doctor and my pregnant friend(!) had to wait ages for help or even guidance.  this did lead me to rant re tories and eventual privatisation which I know upsets her. so that wasn't my shining moment. So off I went to the garden and when I came back she told me about the pain and her friend and I was like OH. 

so yeah. Funny old day. 

XXXX

Buffythedebtslayer

So amidst the cutting and hacking obviously there was obviously a lot of thinking going on. If I really do want things to change for me (not my family) I must do things now, right now. I have 11,500 saved. I know I will need to think about my position at work in the next year, which gives me until May next year for decisions. This is about 10 months

10 X 500 (savings) = 5000 
11500 + 5000 = 16500. 

which is only 3500 off of 20000 

Yeah I know, only! But dream big. I am really proud that I have saved this much. I know I have debt but that is going and will be paid out of my spending money. And I do think I can save more. 

1. Clear the decks 

Do ALL of the crazy things (and don't let mum's negativity stop me) I have planned for the house and my bedroom and the garden. Organise things, re arrange all the rooms, make more use of the furniture, make it safe for mum, put the alexas in better places - all the silly things that will make things better. get RID of everything I can, organise what is left. 

2. Being Professional

Improve my job prospects, complete any free training I can, get up to date on the jargon, the latest b*llocks in education and look into qualifications I can do as well... and go back to having a second job. All to improve my employment prospects and my confidence at work. 

These should take 4 months. Till November. Then I can start to job hunt properly, knowing "stuff" 

3. Wellbeing 

Calorie count and exercise to lose 40 pounds. 

10 pounds by September  31st. ( I lose super slowly) 
20 by November 30th
30 by Jan 31st
40 by March 31st. 

Going to post this before I lose it. XX

Willowtree222

Sounds like a good plan Buffy x

Jellytotts

Great plan.

Calorie counting never worked for me but since my gallbladder started attacking me I've had to stick to a seriously low fat/no fat diet which took a few weeks to get used to.  Knowing if I eat fat I'll end up in A&E is a serious incentive I must admit but it's worth looking at just reducing where you can and making a few swaps.

I've lost 2 stone since April and nearly 3 dress sizes. (Which was bloody expensive as I needed to get all new underwear).

Buffythedebtslayer

Summer holiday List - A total nick from Benben XX 

1. Go to the tip weekly.

2. Give out Christmas gifts to two best mates and other friends!

3. Shred paperwork weekly

4. Put up Guinea pig run 

5. Order tube joiner for rabbits 

6. Paint rabbit furniture 

7. Go into work to pack up class room

8. Check over folders pre results day. 

9. Go into work to unpack classroom 

10. Empty conservatory into the kitchen! 

11. Deep clean the conservatory 

12. Put up homemade insulation in roof(!) 

13. Return essentials to the now rearranged conservatory

14. Repot the house plants and arranged like a picture from an advert  

15. Bond the rabbits (if I survive that I can survive anything) 

16. Fix up the little fish tank and add all the fish to one place. 

17. Sell smaller fish tanks x2 plus accessories

18. Sell guinea pig cages x2 plus accessories 

19. Build guinea pig hutch and fix up rabbit enclosure. 

20. Put up new stand (if it ever gets here) for big tank. 

21. Empty my shed (again!) Finally bin the holding boxes and the stuff that needs to be shredded. 

22. Shred things 

23. Go to the Charity Shop

24. Empty my room and Paint my room (white I think) 

25. Go to the Charity Shop(!)  weekly I think! 

26. Organise what is left in my room and shed

27. Rearrange my room (Mothernerd, send vibes)

28. Cut grass and weed weather allowing weekly

29. Hang new curtains in my room

30. Empty mum's shed, move stuff from the spare room to the shed 

31. Fix up the spare room so mum can sit in it, the conservatory so I can sit in it. 

32. Clean out car. and get it washed properly! 

33. Buy Garden waste bags - big ones! 

34. Order grid for pond

35. IF I can sort Mum's room out.. but that would be difficult as she will find all this ^ stressful. 

Buffythedebtslayer

Willowtree222 said:

Sounds like a good plan Buffy x

thank you Willow X It is only because of the support of my friends here and in real life that I think about a future. I think since my brother in law has been ill everything either consciously or sub consciously has been on hold. I am only now feeling like something could happen. 
XX

Buffythedebtslayer

Jellytotts said:

Great plan.

Calorie counting never worked for me but since my gallbladder started attacking me I've had to stick to a seriously low fat/no fat diet which took a few weeks to get used to.  Knowing if I eat fat I'll end up in A&E is a serious incentive I must admit but it's worth looking at just reducing where you can and making a few swaps.

I've lost 2 stone since April and nearly 3 dress sizes. (Which was bloody expensive as I needed to get all new underwear).

Ouch, my best friend had hers out and she was so ill before hand. It was frightening. I sort of like calorie counting as I can eat whatever so long as it fits in the numbers. I tend to weigh the same, have done forever, so l if I lose it is so slowly...

do take care XX

milann

I loose slowly too Buffy. 

I’m loving the long term plan but tbh if I saw a list as long as the holiday list I would have to go into hiding. Would it be worth breaking it into weekly or daily targets - still keeping the long list to tick them off on…..but seeing a smaller list might not be as overwhelming. I think you’ve done amazingly with the savings. Did I see any fun things on the list?

stymied

I was with you up to point 20 then like milann thought tooooooo much to fit in (cue running away scared and not doing any of it if you’re me!) x