Buffy takes it 6 months at a time

Sun_Addict

Sounds like a good plan. Writing it down will keep you focused. Hope your mum’s foot heals soon.

RosaBernicia

Sorry to hear about mum and the decluttering situation.  This is probably a daft question, but what is it that changes as you seem to be always fighting the tide once you've moved stuff?  Is it that your mum moves things back again, or are they accumulating as different things are needed?

Re puppy pads, I got some washable ones off Amazon and they've been brilliant.  I just chucked them in a quick wash as needed (even the 15 minute one) and they dry overnight on radiators or the line.

milann

I’d be tempted to think of a day or so a week as a holiday day……otherwise you have nothing to look forward to and enjoy…..keep those days to the absolute necessities eg looking after your mum and preparing food. Then sort things on other days. That way you can start back in September thinking you’ve had at least some holiday time and not all at the work face.

RosaBernicia

milann said:

I’d be tempted to think of a day or so a week as a holiday day……otherwise you have nothing to look forward to and enjoy…..keep those days to the absolute necessities eg looking after your mum and preparing food. Then sort things on other days. That way you can start back in September thinking you’ve had at least some holiday time and not all at the work face.

That's a very wise suggestion!

badmemory

Totally agree.

Buffythedebtslayer

The decluttering is a problem as I rarely get finish anything mainly as Mum doesn't like the mess it all makes, so I get half way through a clearance and it all has to go away as I have work or am going out and need to be careful of trip hazards for her now too. Then getting  it all out again causes problems(and is really depressing for me as it represents wasted time), she becomes very upset and negative, this is all my stuff and she doesn't get why I have to get rid of things, she then feels bad as I don't have my own place and she sees this as her fault(it isn't, I make poor choices). It all becomes a bit fraught and tense. She also has the total opposite approach to me, I want everything OUT, deep cleaned and put back in a logical fashion(often elsewhere that isn't ready yet). I want all batteries or light bulbs or hand soap in one place. Not shoved into any cupboard in the house so then you never know what you have where. Don't get me wrong - we don't have cupboards full or anything( I mean we do but not batteries etc), and this is a small example to show what I mean, the other thing is her routines cannot be shifted, yesterday deep cleaning the animal enclosure etc meant I didn't have breakfast with her and she was... sort of upset and I said well I can't just leave them (there was a black fly problem) and I was happy and productive, rearranged some stuff out there, felt great to sort things but she was upset and it is hard when at work to upset her? Bit easier on holiday as I have more time. That sounds awful but hopefully you know what I mean. 

When I have organised things before I have lived with half empty cupboards and the hall full of furniture - basically chaos, this was when Mum was away and I loved it, but she wants things done in a day and doesn't care that the conservatory and spare room are un-useable. She also has a thing about me "doing everything" and is constantly at me to sit down and leave things. I just cannot be bothered with the argument when I am at work. Hopefully now I am off I can overcome her negativity as I am not dragged out by work. It is habit to give into her. I do feel it is unfair of me to keep pushing my choices on her, she is older, ill and clearly feels vulnerable but having to live in this is just too hard. Everything is a battle. There must be more balance if I am doing the vast majority of the housework and caring for her. 

Buffythedebtslayer

milann said:

I’d be tempted to think of a day or so a week as a holiday day……otherwise you have nothing to look forward to and enjoy…..keep those days to the absolute necessities eg looking after your mum and preparing food. Then sort things on other days. That way you can start back in September thinking you’ve had at least some holiday time and not all at the work face.

Yeah I am trying to organise one thing a week to do that is nice. The early part of the holiday I am seeing a fair few people. I am really hopeful if I crack on now I will have free time at some point. 

I do have a lot of school work to do tho. Was thinking about that on my walk.

beanielou

Yes, I agree 100% that you need to get on top of the decluttering.
Best thing I ever did. 
You can do this 100%,
A hour every week is 7 hours a week so YES YOU CAN   xxx

beanielou

& hate to blunt but your mum cant have it all ways.
She could not afford to live n her home without your contribution financially or practically.
Your sister can no longer help.
You work full time in a demanding job.
You look after the house & seem to do most of the work in it which in no way reflects badly on your mum.
You have to look after the dogs & the other pets.

If I was you (which I am not!) I would give her a weeks notice of what you are doing & then crack on & get started.
Tell her you are doing it to make both of your lives better & it has to be done. End of.
xxx

Buffythedebtslayer

beanielou said:

& hate to blunt but your mum cant have it all ways.
She could not afford to live n her home without your contribution financially or practically.
Your sister can no longer help.
You work full time in a demanding job.
You look after the house & seem to do most of the work in it which in no way reflects badly on your mum.
You have to look after the dogs & the other pets.

If I was you (which I am not!) I would give her a weeks notice of what you are doing & then crack on & get started.
Tell her you are doing it to make both of your lives better & it has to be done. End of.
xxx

I like this idea. I like it a lot. 

Hmmm. XX thanks Beanie XX