Crazy Cat Lady Chapter 4 - The Aftermath

Eager_Elephant

((CCL))
When you had CBT did they teach you anything to help with overthinking?

Thankfully I don't suffer with insomnia but if I do wake in the night worrying then writing it down seems to help, its almost like its out of my head and on paper and I can deal with it in the morning.

All your financial issue will hopefully be resolved in the very near future, well the lack of money certainly will as payday is nearly here and this court hearing is definitely going to resolve everything (says EE with her positive hat on!!)

As for the school , you have a nice new head now who doesn't expect miracles so I am sure he will be understanding of your department.

I hope you managed a better nights sleep last night

crazy_cat_lady

Just a quick one as I'm really busy and really tired - but thank you. You're all such lovely, wonderful people and I feel very lucky to have my internet family in my corner with me. You have no idea how much it means to me.
The Head came to see me today as I'd messaged him about my concerns, and he tried to put my mind at rest. The trouble with supply is that they're 1. unreliable, 2. usually not science teachers and 3. don't prepare their own work so someone else has to set it. He shares my concerns to some extent but insists that he won't give us a hard time for staffing levels and issues. There's already a lot of talk of changing the timetable after the half term to try and prioritise the GCSE classes, but bearing in mind that there are between 8-9 classes in each year group and just the 6 reliable teachers for now it doesn't really fit. I think we should be prioritising our highest achievers, but then I worry about the borderline kids as well, then end up feeling sorry for whichever class ends up with supply because they aren't getting what they deserve. There's talk of folding classes into one and doing lectures rather than lessons, with 60-90 kids at a time (eek) - then with the GCSE as the priority and younger kids getting the supply we are making a problem in terms of not setting the right foundations for these kids when they get to GCSE. It's all quite complicated and I don't think there's a solution to suit all - I may need to be a bit selfish actually to make sure I'm ok.
Anyway. Now just a smidge over 24 hours until payday. Foxgloves, I need you to tell ds that £8 on Xbox stuff is an unnecessary spend at any time please. And he needs to start trying cheaper foodstuffs as well. I can't believe he's mine sometimes. And I need to rein in my mindless spending as well - I have you in my brain a lot of the time... 'What would Foxgloves do?'
I have been having some genuinely deep conversations with my sister - who as well as being a top psychology lecturer is also my sister so has had the same sort of upbringing as me. We're very different but we basically are broken people who have different ways of dealing with the emotional stuff from childhood. She has engaged in lots of risky behaviour in the past (and sometimes does even now), whereas I am a people pleaser. She says we're both looking for the same thing - to feel like we are worth something to someone, because we didn't have that as we were growing up and it's our way of looking for approval and dealing with self loathing and self esteem. The overthinking is a big part of that for me - and my being a people pleaser, even at my own expense. It's very hard for me to challenge such deeply ingrained programming, which is why I'm uncomfortable with compliments and feel as though I don't deserve any better. I know what to say to talk other people round, but I just don't believe it when I tell it to myself. I seem to desperately need other people's approval at all times, which is ridiculous. I should think I'm good enough, but I don't. And people can say 100 nice things to me, but I will focus on the 1 bad thing that someone said 20 years ago :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: The only way to change is to challenge it and look from a different perspective - that usually needs me to talk to someone as I can't always see another perspective.
Anyway, that's all very dull and boring and I made a promise to be in bed by 10pm tonight, so it's off for sleep I go! Wish me luck

SpekySquarehead

Hey CCL.

It happened to me this time and I was unsubscribed, so I've a lot of catching up to do!

But, for what it's worth - you are more than good enough!!

f0xh0les

I am completely not an academic, but surely if you know you are going to need a supply teacher on a termly basis, and can give a decent period of notice, someone could contact the agency and ask for a teacher with a science background that is up for a longish term regular gig?

Or even a recently retired teacher who would be up for it - I know so many older teachers who retired and then wish they had just gone on a 0 hrs contract and maybe do 1/2 day 2x a week just for a bit of routine.

Maybe I will make my fortune by starting a reliable supply teacher match up service. Sounds like it is needed. Del1ver00 teach. Or University services match up with Science Grad teachers, but then they would be newly qualified, but surely that is better than nothing?

crazy_cat_lady

f0xh0les wrote: »

I am completely not an academic, but surely if you know you are going to need a supply teacher on a termly basis, and can give a decent period of notice, someone could contact the agency and ask for a teacher with a science background that is up for a longish term regular gig?

Or even a recently retired teacher who would be up for it - I know so many older teachers who retired and then wish they had just gone on a 0 hrs contract and maybe do 1/2 day 2x a week just for a bit of routine.

Maybe I will make my fortune by starting a reliable supply teacher match up service. Sounds like it is needed. Del1ver00 teach. Or University services match up with Science Grad teachers, but then they would be newly qualified, but surely that is better than nothing?

You need to find someone on supply that is a science specialist and willing to take on a longer term role, who then turns out not to be too bad at their job. Think those people are even more rare than employed science teachers.
What is needed, as always, is for the government to invest in teacher training and retention - the average career span for a teacher is now just over 5 years. That's how hard it is - along with paying £27k tax free for two years of training followed by switching onto an NQT salary which is approx. £22k. No wonder nobody wants to be a teacher - anyone who is any good at maths or science can get a job in industry paying an absolute fortune.
Long day today, looked after my niece tonight - lovely catch up with my sister, bit of marking and now off to bed. Payday is almost upon me!:j

f0xh0les

Happy Payday!

beanielou

Happy Friday!
Happy Payday!

crazy_cat_lady

SO annoyed with Arseda. My groceries were due 3 hours ago, and apparently may still be another 3 hours. They weren't going to tell me about any delay - I had to chase them asking where my delivery was. Absolutely shocking customer service - and that's before I get onto the fact that I'm usually asleep by half ten at night. I shall be hot footing my business straight back to Mr S as soon as this little trial is over. When they had problems they at least had the decency to contact me and let me know about it.
It is at least the weekend but I have 200 minimum of papers to mark and am in no frame of mind to do any having spent 20 minutes on the phone to some Indonesian call centre and being desperately tired. I'm shattered tonight.
And it is payday!!! Money for the next couple of days before all the bills go out on Monday. And I remembered to sort out my car insurance - not sure why it's less than last year but I am not complaining about that at all.

crazy_cat_lady

Just thinking that this could be Karma getting me back because I refused to celebrate Brexit....

Sarahwithlove

Hiya just caught up on your journey. I hope everything goes well in court for you. My car insurance also went down this year, not going to Complain! I applaud you for being a teacher I have several friends who trained in the profession but didn’t last more than a couple of years. The stress and pressure was too much for the amount they got paid. I hope this doesn’t happen for you.