Unwanted gifts

happyandcontented

Pollycat wrote: »

OK, I get it.
You've got a different opinion to me.
Your analogies of compliments, birthday cards, invites are - in my opinion - silly.
We're talking about things that cost a significant amount of money.
People might get pleasure from buying gifts but the bottom line is they are wasting money.
And isn't this a money saving website? :whistle:
Even Martin suggests knocking gift buying on the head.

I think that what Martin said was 'come to an agreement' not to buy gifts if that is what both parties want or you cannot afford to do so.

Not everyone who visits this site comes to save money simply by not spending it, they come to get the best value or for financial product tips, so that analogy is a little lame too. Although I suspect Scrooge would feel right at home on here!

As for my other 'silly' analogies::T the birthday card one is one a lot of people share, they dislike them for being expensive and they can be seen as clutter, so I think that is eminently analogous to the subject we are discussing, ditto, Christmas cards. With regard to compliments, there are many people who can't take one well and make the giver feel uncomfortable, which explains why I added that into my list of comparables. Giving a gift which is churlishly received make the giver feel disrespected I would imagine.

The bottom line is that all the things above are comparable in one way or another because not everything boils down to money for everyone.

Value can be weighed and found in other forms than monetary and this site caters for everyone, those who find value in giving and those who do not.

If someone wants to 'waste' their money ( and that is a moot point if the recipient passes them on or gives them to charity) then surely that is their prerogative? Or are they not allowed an opinion?

Additionally, many elderly people (and others) may say 'oh don't get me anything there is nothing I need' but may be disappointed if everyone took that at face value. Therefore, for some people, many givers err on the side of caution and buy something they think will be appreciated or passed on.

ripplyuk

Pollycat wrote: »

My mistake.
I thought you posted that 'not all this stuff was cheap...'


And I believe you've also made the point about the gift givers wasting their money.

Yes, not all the stuff was cheap. Some of it is. My point is that I don’t think it’s just about the money. I still have that painting stored away from last year as I don’t know what to do with it. I don’t like people wasting money but it’s also very difficult to know what to do when they made it themselves. They are likely to take it more personally if this sort of gift is dumped or given away.

doglady1891

If it was me I think i'd say to the particular parties involved that although you greatly appreciate any efforts theyve gone to to gift you these items, that in future that you should come up with a "no gift exchange" pact as your house is too small and you don't want to cause offence when stuff has to be donated to charity as you don't have the space. (Tactful) Honesty is the best policy. Maybe suggest a Christmas get together where everyone brings an item of food or drink to be enjoyed by everyone collectivley.

Pollycat

doglady1891 wrote: »

If it was me I think i'd say to the particular parties involved that although you greatly appreciate any efforts theyve gone to to gift you these items, that in future that you should come up with a "no gift exchange" pact as your house is too small and you don't want to cause offence when stuff has to be donated to charity as you don't have the space. (Tactful) Honesty is the best policy. Maybe suggest a Christmas get together where everyone brings an item of food or drink to be enjoyed by everyone collectivley.

Been suggested.
Been rejected.
What can you do?

I'll go back and answer the OP's question and reiterate that there is no etiquette for getting rid of unwanted gifts - expensive or home made.

Primrose

I think that at a certain stage in life this whole issue of continuing to feel a moral obligation to continue buying and receiving presents can be one of the things that actually makes Christmas more stressful.

Most adults if they're fortunate have more material things than they need yet don't seem to realise they're being drawn in by the retailers who market all this stuff in the hope that their profits for the year will actually turn from red to black on the balance sheet.

Nonetheless, the world's natural resources are being used up by this massive Christmas exercise every year and surely with all the warnings about climate change now being exercised it's incumbent on all of us to look seriously at this annual extravaganza and make some drastic changes.

It would be interesting to know what impact the worldwide Christmas present giving exercise actually makes on global warming, with the shipping, freight, wrapping paper & boxes, courier delivering, throw away fancy plastic gift containers etc.

Pollycat

Got This Morning on in the background as I'm dismantling the Christmas tree.
They did a segment on unwanted gifts.
One guy was given a t-shirt with cats on.
Lots of cats.
The family don't have cats, they don't even like cats.
So what was going through that gift giver's mind when they were wrapping it up?
Was it a re-gift that they didn't want and just wanted to get rid of it?
Last-minute-the-shops-are-shutting-in-10-minutes Christmas Eve that-will-have-to-do buy?
One thing is clear:
If the gift giver watches This Morning they'll be in no doubt how the t-shirt was viewed.
Maybe the OP has missed a trick...:think:

HRH_MUngo

My husband was given a hideous birdfeeder from some dear friends. They know we have a wildlife garden. However, I have just hung it up with the other birdfeeders. I don't suppose the birds will go near it!

The same set of friends bought me an 'Oldie' Annual. This is partly my own fault as I read an Oldie magazine once at their house, and when asked if I liked it, said politely that it was interesting

It will go to the local Hospice shop eventually (our friends do not live near us!).

ETA: Apparently my husband suggested to these friends about not buying each other presents. The were horrified! So next year we are going to say, how about us all going for a nice meal and splitting the bill and that will be our presents to each other. If they really want to buy gifts then we can have a £5 Secret Santa. Hope it works! Will probably do the same amongst our neighbours.

Primrose

HRH_MUngo wrote: »

My husband was given a hideous
ETA: Apparently my husband suggested to these friends about not buying each other presents. The were horrified! So next year we are going to say, how about us all going for a nice meal and splitting the bill and that will be our presents to each other. If they really want to buy gifts then we can have a £5 Secret Santa. Hope it works! Will probably do the same amongst our neighbours.

I think he may have to be more forceful than "suggesting" if you really want to crack this . Why not follow up by saying that everybody in your social group has now agreed a No Present rule (except them !) so you're going to adopt it and Please, Please don,t embarrass us next Christmas by buying anything because that would out us in a very uncomfortable position.

I think if you present it now as a fait accompli, they may have got used to the idea by next Christmas!

HRH_MUngo

Primrose wrote: »

I think he may have to be more forceful than "suggesting" if you really want to crack this . Why not follow up by saying that everybody in your social group has now agreed a No Present rule (except them !) so you're going to adopt it and Please, Please don,t embarrass us next Christmas by buying anything because that would out us in a very uncomfortable position.

I think if you present it now as a fait accompli, they may have got used to the idea by next Christmas!

Whilst I agree this approach might work with many, it wouldn't with this particular couple. The meal and Secret Santa might.

onwards&upwards

HRH_MUngo wrote: »

My husband was given a hideous birdfeeder from some dear friends. They know we have a wildlife garden. However, I have just hung it up with the other birdfeeders. I don't suppose the birds will go near it!

The same set of friends bought me an 'Oldie' Annual. This is partly my own fault as I read an Oldie magazine once at their house, and when asked if I liked it, said politely that it was interesting

It will go to the local Hospice shop eventually (our friends do not live near us!).

ETA: Apparently my husband suggested to these friends about not buying each other presents. The were horrified! So next year we are going to say, how about us all going for a nice meal and splitting the bill and that will be our presents to each other. If they really want to buy gifts then we can have a £5 Secret Santa. Hope it works! Will probably do the same amongst our neighbours.

That is a tactful and polite way of broaching the subject without being hurtful, insulting or demanding. Well done!