Unwanted gifts

onwards&upwards

Jimmithecat wrote: »

I like to be honest and agree with bogof babe -

I think some people get mesmerised with the seasonal tat that is bought in by shops especially to attract the gullible. Seems to work every year .

There are shipfulls of overpackaged tat coming over from China each year for Christmas - much of which will end up in landfill - if I don’t want it or need it and like to live a minimalistic lifestyle I don’t see myself as horrible - just honest

Not every gift is ‘tat’.

I buy a lot of tickets and vouchers for activities, and the gifts I buy that are physical things are certainly not ‘tat’ thank you very much! I rarely receive ‘tat’ either. I don’t think it’s common for adults to buy each other rubbish is it? Maybe for kids but they actually like it!

onwards&upwards

Pollycat wrote: »

I think the gift givers have deeply offended jimmithecat by not listening to him.
Why should a recipient 'just smile and say 'thank you' for a gift they've expressly said they don't want?

Because it’s the polite and gracious thing to do if you were brought up well.

happyandcontented

Pollycat wrote: »

I think the gift givers have deeply offended jimmithecat by not listening to him.
Why should a recipient 'just smile and say 'thank you' for a gift they've expressly said they don't want?

Because in my opinion it is churlish to deny someone the pleasure of buying for you when you can just quietly pass it on to someone who needs/wants/benefits from it.

If someone is deeply offended by having been given a gift and cannot see a way to move past that then in my opinion they have much bigger problems and are actively looking to take offence.

How far do you take this idea of having to have your own way all the time rather than accepting with good grace that people get pleasure from doing things differently to you? (the general you, not you specifically of course)

Do you say don't dare say nice things to me I don't like it? Don't dare send me birthday cards, they are tat, don't send me invitation cards etc, etc. Such is life, find a way to minimise it, give it away, chuck it in the bin if you must. but why be horrible to someone who is just trying to do a nice thing?

olgadapolga

My DH and I agreed not to buy each other presents as we have recently purchased a home and felt that the money should be spent on that.

I stuck to the agreement but DH got me something that I'd shown a fleeting interest in, months ago. I had decided that I didn't need it so left it in the shop.

Christmas morning, he gives me this (very much unwanted) gift. I was so angry about it that I cried, which he misunderstood and thought it was gratitude. So I now have an item that I am unlikely to use and cannot return as I don't want to hurt him. Total waste of far too much money.

I'm still annoyed about it. I just wish that he'd stuck to the agreement.

ska_lover

happyandcontented wrote: »

How far do you take this idea of having to have your own way all the time rather than accepting with good grace that people get pleasure from doing things differently to you? (the general you, not you specifically of course)

I am glad you said that what a fantastic paragraph, as this could be used for either side of the debate.

People do indeed like to do things differently, so why can the present buyer not respect this and realise that Jimmy does not get pleasure from the same things they do?

interesting

Pollycat

happyandcontented wrote: »

Because in my opinion it is churlish to deny someone the pleasure of buying for you when you can just quietly pass it on to someone who needs/wants/benefits from it.

If someone is deeply offended by having been given a gift and cannot see a way to move past that then in my opinion they have much bigger problems and are actively looking to take offence.

How far do you take this idea of having to have your own way all the time rather than accepting with good grace that people get pleasure from doing things differently to you? (the general you, not you specifically of course)

Do you say don't dare say nice things to me I don't like it? Don't dare send me birthday cards, they are tat, don't send me invitation cards etc, etc. Such is life, find a way to minimise it, give it away, chuck it in the bin if you must. but why be horrible to someone who is just trying to do a nice thing?

OK, I get it.
You've got a different opinion to me.
Your analogies of compliments, birthday cards, invites are - in my opinion - silly.
We're talking about things that cost a significant amount of money.
People might get pleasure from buying gifts but the bottom line is they are wasting money.
And isn't this a money saving website? :whistle:
Even Martin suggests knocking gift buying on the head.

Marvel1

onwards&upwards wrote: »

Well I suppose if you keep treating your friends like that, then unwanted gifts are not a problem you’ll be dealing with for very long!

Didn't say anything about friends, so won't have that problem as we have never bought or received

Marvel1

onwards&upwards wrote: »

Not every gift is ‘tat’.

I buy a lot of tickets and vouchers for activities, and the gifts I buy that are physical things are certainly not ‘tat’ thank you very much! I rarely receive ‘tat’ either. I don’t think it’s common for adults to buy each other rubbish is it? Maybe for kids but they actually like it!

Well in your opinion they are not.

ripplyuk

Pollycat wrote: »

We're talking about things that cost a significant amount of money.

Not necessarily. I’ve been given homemade gifts that I didn’t want to keep, including a truly awful painting. It’s even more difficult to know what to do with this sort of gift, as they are more personal.

Pollycat

Pollycat wrote: »

We're talking about things that cost a significant amount of money.
People might get pleasure from buying gifts but the bottom line is they are wasting money.

ripplyuk wrote: »

Not necessarily. I’ve been given homemade gifts that I didn’t want to keep, including a truly awful painting. It’s even more difficult to know what to do with this sort of gift, as they are more personal.

My mistake.
I thought you posted that 'not all this stuff was cheap...'

ripplyuk wrote: »

The DVD could be a regift but the rest of this stuff has been bought. I’ve seen some of these things in shops recently and one of them has just been released. Another is personalised. The wall hanging is something my friend was excited about as she’s been telling me for weeks that I’m ‘going to love it’. Not all this stuff is cheap. Some is quite expensive, which makes it worse.

And I believe you've also made the point about the gift givers wasting their money.

ripplyuk wrote: »

Some of them don’t like me giving suggestions. They said it’s rude to ask for things. Which is a bit strange since they will give me ideas of what they want, but I guess that’s because I insist they tell me or else I won’t buy them anything. I don’t want to waste my money on stuff they don’t want. They don’t seem to care if they’ve wasted their own money.