Paying board

Mica98

Just wanted to update: me and my mom had an argument 3 days ago and she said I shouldn't be thinking of leaving because she can't afford the bills on her own so I'm pretty much forced to stay home and follow her rules.

Accountant_Kerry

Mica98 wrote: »

Just wanted to update: me and my mom had an argument 3 days ago and she said I shouldn't be thinking of leaving because she can't afford the bills on her own so I'm pretty much forced to stay home and follow her rules.

Not really, is she holding you prisoner?

She cant have her cake and eat it, she needs to compromise on the rules and amounts or you move out, its really not that complicated. x

flanker6

Accountant_Kerry wrote: »

Not really, is she holding you prisoner?

She cant have her cake and eat it, she needs to compromise on the rules and amounts or you move out, its really not that complicated. x

^^^^ Exactly!


Or, you can stay living at home and forever have these issues.

hb2

OP, you know you need to move out, the situation at home is never going to get better. Do you really want to still be in this position in 1 years time? Or 10 years? Cos you will be if you don't do something to change it as it is clear that your mother won't.

Stop trying to appease your mother, put your big girl pants on and find somewhere else to live. Sure, your mother will probably kick off initially but you will just have to tough that out. She'll come round eventually (cos otherwise she will lose you and what mother would want that?).

TBagpuss

OP, you need to focus on what is right for you, not what your mum wants or needs. If she can't afford the bills on her own then she can make other arrangements - whether by moving to a less expensive property herself, getting a lodger in, making cuts in her outgoings or looking to increase her income by getting a second job.

If naything, if she wantsyou to stay that puts you in a strong position to set boundaries. You can have a conversation with her where you make clear what *you* terms are if she wants you to stay - you have a lot of power here - that could be agreeing rules about what each of you will pay, how you will share household tasks etc.

However, given the relationship you've described, I would strongly suggest that you move out and move on. You may find that your relationship with her improves once you are not living n top of each other, and if you leave for a while, it may help her to move from thinking of you as a child who has to do as she says, to an adult.

And if it doesn't, then if you are not living with her there is a lot less she can do to cause you distress and to disrupt your life.

I think you are looking for a way to make her behave reasonably so that the two of you can live amicably together, and unfortunately, there is no magic bullet to make that happen. Instead, decide what the 'least worst' option FOR YOU is - moving out, and letting her sink or swim on her own, or staying put and accepting that she is not going to change?

thorsoak

Stop arguing with your mother, find a room in a shared house, pack your belongings and move out. No more discussions, no more arguments - just go.

Your mother will move on and manage to budget on her own; you will find just how hard it is to budget on your own - but you both have to work out how to do what the majority of people do without coming to harsh words and judgements in families.

Pollycat

Mica98 wrote: »

Just wanted to update: me and my mom had an argument 3 days ago and she said I shouldn't be thinking of leaving because she can't afford the bills on her own so I'm pretty much forced to stay home and follow her rules.

You are not 'forced to stay home and follow her rules'.
You have been told that many times on here.

You may choose to stay home and follow her rules.
But forced?
No.

maman

Pollycat wrote: »

You are not 'forced to stay home and follow her rules'.
You have been told that many times on here.

You may choose to stay home and follow her rules.
But forced?
No.

I don't want to be unkind mica but this is getting tiresome. You've had endless sympathy and advice on here but, for whatever reason, you seem stuck in the same place. I don't just mean with your mother making unreasonable demands but you are still unhappily living at home and AFAIK still working limited hours with limited money coming in. You need to do something about it. Doing the same thing (or not doing anything) over and over again means nothing will change.

thorsoak

mica .....Just how old are you?

theoretica

If you move out, your mother can (try to) rent your room out to a lodger at commercial rates. This would provide her with extra income and remove the personal element between you.