Paying board

Mica98

I get silent treatment and guilt trips about "I've given you everything" which I understand but the fact that she keeps constantly increasing the amount is beyond stressful. I'm looking for full time work but even when I do get a full time job, she'll ask for more, I'll still be no better off. I'm looking for a flatshare and she's still demanding the £150 a week knowing I'll need that to move out and put towards a deposit. I said I'd pay £60 a week like normal until I leave but it's just made her angry.

Zero_Sum

Mica98 wrote: »

I get silent treatment and guilt trips about "I've given you everything" which I understand but the fact that she keeps constantly increasing the amount is beyond stressful. I'm looking for full time work but even when I do get a full time job, she'll ask for more, I'll still be no better off. I'm looking for a flatshare and she's still demanding the £150 a week knowing I'll need that to move out and put towards a deposit. I said I'd pay £60 a week like normal until I leave but it's just made her angry.

Guilt trip her back. Tell her that she doesnt care about you & doesnt want you to do well. Also remind her that it'll be you that decides to put her into care when she get really old

gomer

Mica98 wrote: »

I've told her I'm moving out, I have a couple of viewings for flat shares but she is still asking for £150 a week knowing I'll need that money to move out, idk what I can do?

Stop paying. You can't afford it. What's the worst she can do, kick you out when you are leaving anyway?

Gycraig

she is exploiting you, don't treat this as your mum doing whats right for you, shes doing everything she can to keep you trapped with 0 money in the bank, next time you get paid pay 60 quid no more.
do you have family you could stay with for a month or something ?

maman

Zero_Sum wrote: »

Guilt trip her back. Tell her that she doesnt care about you & doesnt want you to do well. Also remind her that it'll be you that decides to put her into care when she get really old

I wouldn't get involved in that sort of thing. Don't engage, don't get into a slanging match and just fuel her anger.

gomer wrote: »

Stop paying. You can't afford it. What's the worst she can do, kick you out when you are leaving anyway?

Just stick to the £60 and then engage as little as possible. Shut yourself in your room and do your OU work (or go out to the local library or similar).

I think the flat share prices you're quoting are unaffordable until you can get a better paid job. I liked the suggestion from another poster: go to your local housing, tell them the situation with your mum is becoming intolerable, and while they won't rehouse you ask them for some contacts of where you might find cheaper options.

TBagpuss

OP, as well as flat shares, it's worth loking for listings for peole seeking lodgers. Most lodging arrangements you pay a flat amount which includes all bills. Obviosuly you know your local area best - local to me romms seem to be around £70 - £100 pw including bills, depending on location.

If your mum is pressing for more, I would just say to her that you can't afford it, and that you have done some research and the going rent for rooms / shared housing in yor local area is £xx - £xxx, so £150 is unrealistic (assuming that the local costs are lower than that)

Or simply say that you cannot afford to give her any more.

gomer

TBagpuss wrote: »

OP, as well as flat shares, it's worth loking for listings for peole seeking lodgers. Most lodging arrangements you pay a flat amount which includes all bills. Obviosuly you know your local area best - local to me romms seem to be around £70 - £100 pw including bills, depending on location.

If your mum is pressing for more, I would just say to her that you can't afford it, and that you have done some research and the going rent for rooms / shared housing in yor local area is £xx - £xxx, so £150 is unrealistic (assuming that the local costs are lower than that)

Or simply say that you cannot afford to give her any more.

^^^ This. Just keep giving her £60pw and tell her you can't afford any more. If the very worst she can do is kick you out when you want to leave anyway then you've not really lost much - she'll be doing you a favour which might even work in your favour with the council if she literally put you out on the streets.

Zero_Sum

If this was a spouse/partner doing this, it would be classed as mental abuse / controling behaviour & be facing a criminal conviction.

Could be worth going to CAB or even police for advice.
If what shes doing is legal, petition your local MP for a change in the law cos it is wrong

elsien

Zero_Sum wrote: »

If this was a spouse/partner doing this, it would be classed as mental abuse / controling behaviour & be facing a criminal conviction.

Could be worth going to CAB or even police for advice.
If what shes doing is legal, petition your local MP for a change in the law cos it is wrong

I disagree. There is far more to coercive control, which I think you are referring to, than a family member asking for more money.
There is a big difference between a greedy mother who can't manage her money and wants to be subsidised, and the type of abuse that leads to prosecution.
It's not pleasant for the OP, but let's not get carried away. They have their own bank account. They can say no. They do not appear to have been deliberately isolated from their support networks. They are free to refuse to hand over more money and to leave whenever they wish.

Mica98

Just wanted to update and say I'm not homeless but only because I agree to pay half my wages a month which works out to be £87.50 a month. However my mom has again asked if I can pay more (£400 a month) smh