Introducing someone too soon?

pickledonionspaceraider

Comms69 wrote: »

Here's one for you (MSE is great therapy, how much do I owe you? ) - so it was abit after my birthday, I noticed she was going out a lot and saying she was staying at a friends house who I kind of knew. But after the second or third time, to be honest I grew suspicious and I checked her phone (yes I know, but I had tried to talk to her about her being distant and got nothing) and saw a text from someone called "Bob New", and I realised that whatever this was, the fact it was 'new' number meant it had been a while. Subsequently she had me come and baby sit the kids whilst she went out with this guy.

Oh god.

How awful

I only found out with mine, because my ex was rogering my 'best' friends younger sister. My friend had known for months, had them meeting up at her house, going out as foursomes, etc

But then the sister did something to upset my 'best' mate (i.e slept with her own sisters boyfriend) so I was told only out of an act of vengeance .. My friend pretty much tried to manipulate me into giving the sister a slap or something

Which I didn't. (I did feel like it admittedly - but I realised I was getting played, from all angles)

I told them all to fk off, including the friend.

It all sounds really childish now typing it, like some eastenders drama, but we were all only young, this was like 20 yrs ago

pickledonionspaceraider

Comms69 wrote: »

Almost certainly. She blames me for absolutely everything that went wrong. To the point where I don’t know when I acted inappropriately and when I was fine.

That’s a fair point you make.

But Comms there is a reason why she has had a succession of boyfriends, shes looking to fix something that another human being cannot provide - so anyone who tries, is going to be in the wrong all the time

Because they cannot give her what she needs. It is impossible. You were in an impossible situation...and so will her next boyfriend be (if he is her boyf) then he just doesn't know the depth of the situation yet

None of us are perfect and there are always two sides, but trying to fix someone else is like peeing in the wind, it is always going to backfire and make you smell of pee

Comms69

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

Oh god.

How awful

I only found out with mine, because my ex was rogering my 'best' friends younger sister. My friend had known for months, had them meeting up at her house, going out as foursomes, etc

But then the sister did something to upset my 'best' mate (i.e slept with her own sisters boyfriend) so I was told only out of an act of vengeance .. My friend pretty much tried to manipulate me into giving the sister a slap or something

Which I didn't. (I did feel like it admittedly - but I realised I was getting played, from all angles)

I told them all to fk off, including the friend.

It all sounds really childish now typing it, like some eastenders drama, but we were all only young, this was like 20 yrs ago

Sounds like you managed to shorten the Christmas list for the next year quite significantly there! Good for you, though I'm sorry for the outside context of course.

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

But Comms there is a reason why she has had a succession of boyfriends, shes looking to fix something that another human being cannot provide - so anyone who tries, is going to be in the wrong all the time - That makes sense, thanks.

Because they cannot give her what she needs. It is impossible. You were in an impossible situation...and so will her next boyfriend be (if he is her boyf) then he just doesn't know the depth of the situation yet - fair point. Yes I think you're right. And yes I accept maybe I'm totally wrong and it's just an innocent friendship. Ultimately it doesn't really matter because it's her life, not mine.

None of us are perfect and there are always two sides, but trying to fix someone else is like peeing in the wind, it is always going to backfire and make you smell of pee

HAHA ye thanks! That's good

pickledonionspaceraider

Anyway Comms, try to relax. Happy Wednesday

Or as these office folk call it 'hump day' - I really hate office talk sometimes

Comms69

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

Anyway Comms, try to relax. Happy Wednesday

Or as these office folk call it 'hump day' - I really hate office talk sometimes

Will try to, you too, it's half way to the weekend!

pickledonionspaceraider

Comms I hope you have that friday feeling!

Comms69

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

Comms I hope you have that friday feeling!

Heya thanks for checking - been a bit unwell actually - but yes

Comms69

Just a quick update as I appreciate lots of people took time to help me.


Things were going ok with seeing my son. We had a timetable, all was generally better. As in my head was much clearer, I accepted that I needed to move on and all that.


Sure we had a few arguments here and there, but mostly ok.


And then this weekend happened. I had my son overnight, had just got him to sleep, and then I get a call. It's my ex. She's in A & E and asks me to go collect her.


I got my son up and dressed and we set off - it's very close by. I get there and she's sat there having been assaulted! Honestly I just regressed to god knows what. I immediately just hugged her and took her home and looked after her.


And now i'm absolutely torn in two. My head reminds me of the hurt and the risks and everything else. And my heart wants to be there with her and never let her go.


As for what happened, I don't know for sure. I'm worried it was targeted, but she says she doesn't remember it that well. She was quite drunk.


It's strange how those walls we build up to protect ourselves collapse in a crisis.

Pollycat

Comms69 wrote: »

Just a quick update as I appreciate lots of people took time to help me.


Things were going ok with seeing my son. We had a timetable, all was generally better. As in my head was much clearer, I accepted that I needed to move on and all that.


Sure we had a few arguments here and there, but mostly ok.


And then this weekend happened. I had my son overnight, had just got him to sleep, and then I get a call. It's my ex. She's in A & E and asks me to go collect her.


I got my son up and dressed and we set off - it's very close by. I get there and she's sat there having been assaulted! Honestly I just regressed to god knows what. I immediately just hugged her and took her home and looked after her.


And now i'm absolutely torn in two. My head reminds me of the hurt and the risks and everything else. And my heart wants to be there with her and never let her go.


As for what happened, I don't know for sure. I'm worried it was targeted, but she says she doesn't remember it that well. She was quite drunk.


It's strange how those walls we build up to protect ourselves collapse in a crisis.

Is she really telling the truth when she says she doesn't remember the attack?
Could it have been her new partner and she doesn't want you to know that?
Are you just 'any port in a storm'?


I'm not sure if you've said if the split was mutual or driven by one person, but you did say it was her who became distant (when you suspected she'd met someone else).


It sounds to me (with your comment about her suggestion about 'friends with benefits') that she is setting the rules to suit her, not you, and you have just been going along with it.

I would have a read of your post #17.
Would you want to go back to that life?
For you?
For your son?

Comms69

Pollycat wrote: »

Is she really telling the truth when she says she doesn't remember the attack?
Could it have been her new partner and she doesn't want you to know that? - Maybe. I'm not sure
Are you just 'any port in a storm'? - I don't know, it's possible


I'm not sure if you've said if the split was mutual or driven by one person, but you did say it was her who became distant (when you suspected she'd met someone else).


It sounds to me (with your comment about her suggestion about 'friends with benefits') that she is setting the rules to suit her, not you, and you have just been going along with it.

I would have a read of your post #17.
Would you want to go back to that life?
For you?
For your son?

Good points all round there. Thanks for the reminder. And I honestly don't know at the minute - I guess rose tinted glasses