Introducing someone too soon?

Comms69

need_an_answer wrote: »

I don't necessarily think 2 months is too soon to be starting to introduce a new partner.However what I think you all need to be mindful of is what relationship your child/children think you both still have.

Children who see mum and dad together might start to connect the two of you back up together even though you arnt going down that route.

In introducing the new partner your ex is clearly trying to define the space that there is between you both. How old is your son?
Is he old enough for you to talk it through together on a level of some maturity where you can explain that mum has a new partner and you support the decision for the new partner to have a "place" within the family unit.
Maturity is needed on all sides here...I read your account of her controlling behavior,and just have to ask why you even entered into a friends with benefits relationship...no need to answer.

To be honest it took me by surprise and after a few drinks.




as for boundaries etc. ye I agree, I told my son that it's ok for mummy to have a new boyfriend. He's going to be 8 soon, and I wanted him to know it's ok.

Comms69

Scorpio33 wrote: »

when I split with my wife, we agreed not to introduce anyone to the kids until they have been together for 6 moths - the idea being we didn't want people introduced who may not stay in their lives that long.

within a week of her moving out the kids came into my room one morning and asked "where 'ben'" (not real name). Hurt me like hell, especially as it went against everything we agreed,

Honestly? Pick your battles. Yes, raise a concern if you have to, but it is not worth arguing about to be honest.

Ye, sorry pal. Best intentions and all that eh.

Socajam

Just wait for her jealousy and nastiness to start when you actually find someone - just be prepared.
I think you need to concentrate on your son and move on
If she is as terrible as you wrote, the other guy won't stay long.
A leopard never changes it's spots and he will find out soon enough

Comms69

Socajam wrote: »

Just wait for her jealousy and nastiness to start when you actually find someone - just be prepared.
I think you need to concentrate on your son and move on
If she is as terrible as you wrote, the other guy won't stay long.
A leopard never changes it's spots and he will find out soon enough

That's kind of why I feel it's too soon to be honest. Just a succession of 'partners'

NeilCr

I think you need to understand exactly who "Ben" is before you start getting too engaged

As far as I can see you are extrapolating from your child saying that 'Ben" picked me up from school. And you do seem to be looking for a fight - you, are, quite possibly, rightly, hurt and sore

So, have the conversation with your ex- gently. Your child said that Ben picked them up. Who is Ben ? That's someone who is new to me! It might, yet, be innocent

Dymphna60

Despite like many having been married, had children and divorced I don’t have an answer for your original question.
I do however think that you should maybe in the future not listen to your ‘ gut ‘ so much ?
It seems to have led you into a relationship with a woman who has assaulted you , been unfaithful to you and you now say is going to muck about over childcare .

gomer

Im not sure if too soon is really the main issue. Are you sure you just don't feel easy at her having a boyfriend at all?

What i mean is does it really matter if she has a boyfriend as long as the child isn't being made to do the 'daddy' thing with him?

It's going to be pretty hard to have a boyfriend who will not encounter the kid for a set amount of months until it is no longer 'too soon'.

If your relationship with the child is no different & nobody is being encouraged to call the new boyfriend daddy etc, then is it really so bad that she has a boyfriend?

What if you got a girlfriend? Reverse scenarios? Will they not be allowed at your house when you have the kid? Ultimately how soon do you deem too soon? She's going to have a bf sooner or later & the kid will meet him sooner or later.

Gycraig

It might be nothing, would you be so bothered if her friend Sarah had picked him up from school?.

As long as it's not a "this is your new step dad" type of thing what is the difference between that and you bringing a guy friend round when the kid is in the house

onwards&upwards

Going to be brutally honest here, I think the ‘friends with benefits’ thing and spending loads of time as a couple/family after splitting was probably a lot worse for your son than his mum having a new friend.

Comms69

NeilCr wrote: »

I think you need to understand exactly who "Ben" is before you start getting too engaged

As far as I can see you are extrapolating from your child saying that 'Ben" picked me up from school. And you do seem to be looking for a fight - you, are, quite possibly, rightly, hurt and sore

So, have the conversation with your ex- gently. Your child said that Ben picked them up. Who is Ben ? That's someone who is new to me! It might, yet, be innocent

Ye maybe, and fair point. But communication, to me in a co-parenting relationship - is about not letting things be misinterpetted.