In law help

Partialpolly

Husband is still not willing to talk about it. My mother is aware and under no circumstances whilst I’m away is she going to allow my daughter to go with my husband or his family. It’s sad but at present I don’t trust his judgment in allowing the best decisions to be made.
A few things have come to light in the past that have made me worry about my husbands judgement. I have to think seriously about whether it’s something I want to accept

With regards to the foster child, I was there when my FIL kissed her on the lips, patted her bottom, made reference to the size of her breasts and encouraged her to sit on his knee. I had a quiet word with my mother in law at the time and she accused me of having a perverted mind.

Sea_Shell

I'm wondering whether your husband had ever been on the receiving end of his father's inappropriate behaviour, as a child?

He might be wrestling with his own demons too.

Partialpolly

I don’t think so,of course I could be wrong and it’s not something I could ever ask.... even if I did I doubt I’d get a straight answer.
If anything has been affected in my opinion, it’s my husbands view of women, his attitude toward sex..it’s always been a huge issue and the more I get to see his father ...the more I see in him unfortunately.
I shall go away on my trip and evaluate when I come back what I need to do. At present I’m being punished for events that have nothing to do with me, and for simply trying to keep my child safe.
My husband and I almost divorced a few years ago due to his behaviour, I tried to forgive that but I will not forgive putting my daughter in harms way.

harrys_nan

Partialpolly wrote: »

Husband is still not willing to talk about it. My mother is aware and under no circumstances whilst I’m away is she going to allow my daughter to go with my husband or his family. It’s sad but at present I don’t trust his judgment in allowing the best decisions to be made.
A few things have come to light in the past that have made me worry about my husbands judgement. I have to think seriously about whether it’s something I want to accept

With regards to the foster child, I was there when my FIL kissed her on the lips, patted her bottom, made reference to the size of her breasts and encouraged her to sit on his knee. I had a quiet word with my mother in law at the time and she accused me of having a perverted mind.

To be honest I would run as fast as I could with my daughter, get away from this toxic family. I grew up with a vile stepfather who used to think it was ok to touch me and to "check" me after I had a bath to make sure I was clean. I was so scared of him, had a few black eyes to show off. I never told my mum because A I was too scared of him a B in a sense I was the cuckoo in the nest but when he started to get my half-sister( his daughter )to "touch" him I spoke up and my mum divorced him. Life was so much harder back during my childhood, my mum never got the support people get nowadays.
I just thank god that there is help out there now because I hate to think of children going through what I and my sisters and my mum did

Pollycat

Partialpolly wrote: »

Husband is still not willing to talk about it. My mother is aware and under no circumstances whilst I’m away is she going to allow my daughter to go with my husband or his family. It’s sad but at present I don’t trust his judgment in allowing the best decisions to be made.
A few things have come to light in the past that have made me worry about my husbands judgement. I have to think seriously about whether it’s something I want to accept

With regards to the foster child, I was there when my FIL kissed her on the lips, patted her bottom, made reference to the size of her breasts and encouraged her to sit on his knee. I had a quiet word with my mother in law at the time and she accused me of having a perverted mind.

Partialpolly wrote: »

I don’t think so,of course I could be wrong and it’s not something I could ever ask.... even if I did I doubt I’d get a straight answer.
If anything has been affected in my opinion, it’s my husbands view of women, his attitude toward sex..it’s always been a huge issue and the more I get to see his father ...the more I see in him unfortunately.
I shall go away on my trip and evaluate when I come back what I need to do. At present I’m being punished for events that have nothing to do with me, and for simply trying to keep my child safe.
My husband and I almost divorced a few years ago due to his behaviour, I tried to forgive that but I will not forgive putting my daughter in harms way.

I'm not really surprised to read this.
I did have my misgivings about your husband's attitude when you first posted but held off saying as much.
The more you've revealed, the more I find it worrying - for you and your daughter.

Yes, your FIL has acted very inappropriately (and quite possibly broken the law) but your husband's refusal to hear anything against him is very concerning too.

spirit

Partialpolly wrote: »

Husband is still not willing to talk about it. My mother is aware and under no circumstances whilst I’m away is she going to allow my daughter to go with my husband or his family. It’s sad but at present I don’t trust his judgment in allowing the best decisions to be made.
A few things have come to light in the past that have made me worry about my husbands judgement. I have to think seriously about whether it’s something I want to accept

With regards to the foster child, I was there when my FIL kissed her on the lips, patted her bottom, made reference to the size of her breasts and encouraged her to sit on his knee. I had a quiet word with my mother in law at the time and she accused me of having a perverted mind.[/QUOTE]


Blimey, they sound a right pair of Fred and Rose West's don't they!

spirit

harrys_nan wrote: »

To be honest I would run as fast as I could with my daughter, get away from this toxic family. I grew up with a vile stepfather who used to think it was ok to touch me and to "check" me after I had a bath to make sure I was clean. I was so scared of him, had a few black eyes to show off. I never told my mum because A I was too scared of him a B in a sense I was the cuckoo in the nest but when he started to get my half-sister( his daughter )to "touch" him I spoke up and my mum divorced him. Life was so much harder back during my childhood, my mum never got the support people get nowadays.
I just thank god that there is help out there now because I hate to think of children going through what I and my sisters and my mum did

Thank goodness you spoke up and your mum took the appropriate action. My mother on the other hand not only went on to marry the peedo boyfriend of hers, but chose to take his side when I told her. she physically stopped me going down to the police station at the time (I was 12) What comes around goes around, fast forward a lot of years and she is elderly and all alone.

harrys_nan

Oh Spirit, that is so sad, I hope you are ok now xx

paddy's_mum

Partialpolly wrote: »

I had a quiet word with my mother in law at the time and she accused me of having a perverted mind.

Well, you have got a dirty mind...and so have I and so have almost all the responders in this thread. Thank heaven for it, I say!

My own "dirty mind" is based on a lot of experience, a lot of listening, a lot of observation of people. I have an equally perverted mind to want to keep known nasty dogs away from my children; keep their food clean and their surroundings to a comfortably hygienic level. I have never allowed my children to be driven by convicted dangerous drivers nor alcoholics.

It's called loving and protecting and is your greatest obligation to your child. Please don't weaken under this assault on your standards as a concerned parent.

In your shoes, I might be considering calling in expert child protection advice simply so that your husband and his very peculiar family can be shown a/ their perceptions of the way this world works are wrong b/ that you are the mountain they cannot move.

Good luck. I am thinking of you both and I am sorry that you should have all this worry.

MovingForwards

I thank you for being a concerned mother and thinking of your daughter.

It's a shame mine didn't when she picked a c**t to date throughout my childhood, I packed up and left at 17 and don't have much to do with her even though she split up with him years ago. Too little too late.

I do feel you need to question your own relationship and your husband's beliefs, from what you have posted, as it's not pleasant and won't change whilst his parents are around. By the time they are gone it will be too late for him to change as you can see for yourself.