In law help

Partialpolly

onwards&upwards wrote: »

Are you happy with this man who calls you a twisted cow?

It was a lot worse than that if I’m being honest. Again learnt behaviour from his parents I’d imagine. Although it has nothing to do with the topic at hand, my husband has boundary issues that have caused us years of issues and it seems to be an unhealthy upbringing is biting him... he doesn’t see anything wrong with them and I’m the brunt of the anger.

Mojisola

Partialpolly wrote: »

I have said they are welcome to see her either at my home or theirs with one of us present at all times.

I'm sorry to say this but I wouldn't trust your husband to be her lone chaperone - if either of his parents had a go at him about not being controlling, would he buckle and 'nip down the shops' for them or 'just fix something in the house' with his mother, leaving your daughter with her Grandfather?

Partialpolly

Mojisola wrote: »

I'm sorry to say this but I wouldn't trust your husband to be her lone chaperone - if either of his parents had a go at him about not being controlling, would he buckle and 'nip down the shops' for them or 'just fix something in the house' with his mother, leaving your daughter with her Grandfather?

Well as it happens that was the argument tonight as I said I don’t trust you to not ignore my thoughts on this. My daughter has said she doesn’t want to be alone with them. In her words they are weird. So I’m now being sent to Coventry and sleeping in the spare room.

I need him to see past the feelings I’m doing this because I don’t like them. How I do that I’m unsure.

borkid

Partialpolly wrote: »

If I’m being 100% honest my husband is a product of his upbringing and it’s taken me 15 years him to a place where he sees the problem with some of his upbringing.
My mother in law is in complete denial. I have asked my husband if he can hand on heart say that he trusts his father with our daughter, if he is convinced the foster child was lying. He said no to both but yet seems to have had his head turned by his mother and now beleives this is just me being “a twisted cow” and trying to keep them away.
I have said they are welcome to see her either at my home or theirs with one of us present at all times. It’s not acceptable to them, as they see it as me being controlling.
I have told him tonight that I’m not making this an issue, they are. I will not put my child in danger to placate his parents. His mother has suggested he divorce me and he and my daughter can move in with them.
My child comes first. It’s also enabled me to have a chat with her, no reference to grandad..but to say about anyone does anything that makes you uncomfortable you tell me, we agreed no secrets ever.

What on earth makes her think you would not contest that. With the history you have outlined and the possible evidence that SS could give re previous allegations from the foster daughter, who in their right mind would give custody to your OH if he is to take your daughter to her grandparents house.

borkid

Partialpolly wrote: »

Well as it happens that was the argument tonight as I said I don’t trust you to not ignore my thoughts on this. My daughter has said she doesn’t want to be alone with them. In her words they are weird. So I’m now being sent to Coventry and sleeping in the spare room.

I need him to see past the feelings I’m doing this because I don’t like them. How I do that I’m unsure.

That in itself is very revealing and her wishes should be repected. Has she explained in what way she finds them weird?

Partialpolly

She hasn’t explained why they are weird, just that she finds them odd. Husband thinks it’s becasue she is saying what I want to hear...and it could well be partly as she knows I don’t particularly like them, although they are far more vocal in front of her about disliking me than I would be

borkid

Partialpolly wrote: »

She hasn’t explained why they are weird, just that she finds them odd. Husband thinks it’s becasue she is saying what I want to hear...and it could well be partly as she knows I don’t particularly like them, although they are far more vocal in front of her about disliking me than I would be

Next time/if she speaks to them she could record everything. Just leave her mobile on whilst with them then you would be able to hear if they said anything inappropriare and your OH couldn' deny it.

paddy's_mum

Your husband needs to have it spelled out to him in words of three syllables or less that if he pushes her hard enough (and the current hostility is pushing her) your daughter only needs to say the 'wrong' word in the 'wrong' ear (at school perhaps) and a ton of bricks is likely to fall about his head.

Does he truly think that opening that can of worms is a worthwhile thing to aim for?

Sorry to be rude but his father isn't the only one here being "daft".

Partialpolly

borkid wrote: »

Next time/if she speaks to them she could record everything. Just leave her mobile on whilst with them then you would be able to hear if they said anything inappropriare and your OH couldn' deny it.

I think even if he heard it, it would make no difference. He has in the past allowed his dad to make questionable comments about girls (foster child’s friends) me ..his mother regularly mocks the fact I have suffered with depression. Apparently, I bring it all on myself by daring to challenge them.
I’d need a whole different thread we’re into go into all the issues we have due to this families inability to either respect females or boundaries. And that includes my husband.

onwards&upwards

It’s starting to sound like you and your daughter might be better off just the two of you.