In law help

Partialpolly

onwards&upwards wrote: »

It’s starting to sound like you and your daughter might be better off just the two of you.

It’s been threatened enough times, by my husband.

I’d like to thank everyone, I’m starting to think although my FIL is an obvious creep with questionable tastes. The issue here seems to be my husband and I being unable to present a united front. Not a new problem.

Kynthia

Wpuld couples counselling be helpful? It cpuld help you and your husband communicate in a healthy way. Your husband might also be more receptive to a third party asking about what is acceptable behaviour for your daughter to be exposed to.

chesky

Ask your husband if he thinks his father's behaviour is OK, would he show pornography to your daughter, the way his father did with him.

Pollycat

Partialpolly wrote: »

If I’m being 100% honest my husband is a product of his upbringing and it’s taken me 15 years him to a place where he sees the problem with some of his upbringing.
My mother in law is in complete denial. I have asked my husband if he can hand on heart say that he trusts his father with our daughter, if he is convinced the foster child was lying. He said no to both but yet seems to have had his head turned by his mother and now beleives this is just me being “a twisted cow” and trying to keep them away.
I have said they are welcome to see her either at my home or theirs with one of us present at all times. It’s not acceptable to them, as they see it as me being controlling.
I have told him tonight that I’m not making this an issue, they are. I will not put my child in danger to placate his parents. His mother has suggested he divorce me and he and my daughter can move in with them.
My child comes first. It’s also enabled me to have a chat with her, no reference to grandad..but to say about anyone does anything that makes you uncomfortable you tell me, we agreed no secrets ever.

I think the bib says that you are 100% right in what you believe and are standing up for.
How can a man be unable to say his own Father is trustworthy with young girls and yet abuse his wife for protecting their own daughter from this potential danger?

I remembered this from earlier:

Partialpolly wrote: »

It’s been an issue since I voiced my concerns but more so this week as I have arranged for my mother to look after daughter while I’m away. Husband said his parents could (they are closer and don’t work so he felt it would be easier) I again said she is not being alone with them and it’s a huge issue again.

Do you think there's any chance that your husband could try to change these arrangements?
Are your parents strong enough to stand up to him if he does try that?

Sadly, I'm not sure I can see this ending well from a marital perspective.
But at least your girl will be safe.

gwynlas

Partialpolly wrote: »

I think even if he heard it, it would make no difference. He has in the past allowed his dad to make questionable comments about girls (foster child’s friends) me ..his mother regularly mocks the fact I have suffered with depression. Apparently, I bring it all on myself by daring to challenge them.
I’d need a whole different thread we’re into go into all the issues we have due to this families inability to either respect females or boundaries. And that includes my husband.

This together with you being sent to Coventry and sleeping in the spare room constitutes abuse. You should decide if it is possible to stay with your husband following therapy or whether you and your daughter would be better off on your own. The more the back story
emerges the more worrying it looks. I agree it could be the start of a different thread but whu not acrt on your instincts?

spirit

sources of help/advice


https://www.nspcc.org.uk/what-we-do/about-us/contact-us?ac=190101&gclsrc=aw.ds&&gclid=Cj0KCQjww7HsBRDkARIsAARsIT56PjlzACRrboZkH6m-J0MBuj62SGmTjelrXjaI3bW8JbLRIMIZoy0aAgtGEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds


https://www.childrenssociety.org.uk/what-you-can-do/resources/child-protection-and-safeguarding

[Deleted User]

I'm late to the party but concur with most in that you have to trust your instincts on this and not just in relation to FIL but to Father who seems not aware / capable / committed to protecting your daughter.


I would minimise contact tbh and if they want to see granddaughter who also doesn't wish to see them then meet them at a cafe, park, pub meal etc etc


PS. 14 is far too old for a girl to be sitting on an older mans lap and most 14 yrs old I know wouldn't do it.

spirit

BBH123 wrote: »

I'm late to the party but concur with most in that you have to trust your instincts on this and not just in relation to FIL but to Father who seems not aware / capable / committed to protecting your daughter.


I would minimise contact tbh and if they want to see granddaughter who also doesn't wish to see them then meet them at a cafe, park, pub meal etc etc


PS. 14 is far too old for a girl to be sitting on an older mans lap and most 14 yrs old I know wouldn't do it.[/QUOTE]



Indeed 14 is too old, but children in the care system are not most children. They presumably haven't been brought up in stable loving homes where appropriate boundaries had been set.

chesky

One thing to ponder... if by chance you do end up separating, I'm sure you would have custody of your daughter. However, your husband's access might well concern you. I'm sure he himself would be fine with her, but who's to say he won't take her to his parents at the weekend or during the holidays.

TBagpuss

spirit wrote: »

Indeed 14 is too old, but children in the care system are not most children. They presumably haven't been brought up in stable loving homes where appropriate boundaries had been set.

It's true that children in the care system may not have had appropriate boundaries, but part of the role of a foster parent is to provide those boundaries, their job is to be the adult.
It's actually more concerning that this was going on with a vulnerable foster child than if it were a child who had a life-long secure relationship with her grand-dad and sometimes 'regressed' and behaved like a much younger child.