In law help

Partialpolly

Mojisola wrote: »

Does your husband think this behaviour is okay or is he refusing to believe that his Dad acts like this?

He saw the behaviour of his dad towards the girl who made the allegations and said he thought his dad was daft and leaving himself open to the very allegations that were made...but in truthfulness he blamed the girl..attention seeker, trouble maker...much as his dad did.
The !!!!!! he thought was funny...I didn’t. The nature of the searches coupled with doing it in someone else’s home..made me feel something wasn’t right.
I’m now the big bad wolf for saying anything. He refuses to acknowledge his dad would ever do anything like that. My dislike for him aside...I have a gut feeling about the man...

Partialpolly

Sorry I keep missing questions form comments. As far as I’m aware, as husband only knows what they tell him. The girl claimed father in law was touching her and coming into the bathroom when she was in the shower, making sexual comments etc.
Father in law immediately claimed the girl was mentally ill , had made it all up. I don’t know if the investigation is done I just know, they are no longer fostering children.

It’s been an issue since I voiced my concerns but more so this week as I have arranged for my mother to look after daughter while I’m away. Husband said his parents could (they are closer and don’t work so he felt it would be easier) I again said she is not being alone with them and it’s a huge issue again.

Rosieandjim

whether or not your FiL did anything inappropriate he made this young girl feel uncomfortable enough for her to report him. The fact that the SS ignored this is inexcusable.


It is interesting that he tried to make out this girl was mad etc. This is classic behaviour. You are right to act on your instincts and I too would not allow my daughter to be alone with this man. As for him searching schoolgirl !!!!!! in your home and then leaving the evidence shows he does not think there is anything wrong with this. I would also be concerned that my husband found this funny :eek:
If I were you I would talk with someone who understands child abuse maybe one of the telephone helplines so that you can become informed on how to go forward with this.


As a foster carer who says he is innocent he does not appear to take on board that he needs to address his behaviour around vulnerable children.


edit just seen that he no longer foster cares so SS must have found something wrong

Partialpolly

I have no idea whether SS stopped them from fostering or they gave up. It’s all very hush hush. But part of me felt even more uneasy at the talk about this vulnerable young girl being “mentally ill, mad, unstable” I understand the allegations may not have been true but it’s not in isolation and I’m a believer in gut feelings. But it’s difficult when my husband sees the opposite to what. I do.

Pollycat

Partialpolly wrote: »

Happened a year ago, I voiced my concerns to my in laws, re the schoolgirl/barely legal searches he had undertaken on our computer whilst staying here..the girl who made accusations was 14. He often sat her on his knee... patted her bottom and made comments about her appeared in front of us. He then, according to her, bought her a Halloween school girl outfit to wear. All kept from his wife.
My in-laws are refusing to see their granddaughter as I said no to them being alone with her. She’s not welcome at their house, or they won’t come to us.
Husband is blaming me, for , in his words..accusing his dad of being a !!!!!phile. Which I haven’t done. I said he was inappropriate.
Thank you for the replies, helps me to see things from other points of view.
Also, just to add, I do not like either of them, but up until this, I hadn’t stopped them seeing their granddaughter, they even had her for weekends etc. This is my view changes everything. Also, yes we’re this my dad I would do the same. Completely.
I just don’t see how I can convince my husband

What nasty, childish people they are.
Blaming a 12 year old child who has had no hand in this sorry mess.
Can't your husband see how their behaviour is wrong?



I'm shocked that your husband found his own father searching for - in your words - !!!!!! online amusing.
Really?

I too think you're right in insisting that your daughter is not left alone with this man.
And I wouldn't trust your MIL to ensure that your daughter wasn't ever alone with her grandfather.

Partialpolly

Pollycat wrote: »

What nasty, childish people they are.
Blaming a 12 year old child who has had no hand in this sorry mess.
Can't your husband see how their behaviour is wrong?



I'm shocked that your husband found his own father searching for - in your words - !!!!!! online amusing.
Really?

I too think you're right in insisting that your daughter is not left alone with this man.
And I wouldn't trust your MIL to ensure that your daughter wasn't ever alone with her grandfather.

My husbands opinion on his parents are skewed, the man is in my opinion at the very least a pervert. He let my husband watch !!!!!! at age 9 (make a man of him) made sexual comments about me when I first met him. Tbh I thought he was just a dirty old man. But I am now the family pariah, mother in law is all guns blazing for me...probably as I’ve dared say something.
I Think I’m beating my head against a brick wall trying to persuade my husband, who is currently not talking to me as in his words “ you won’t be happy until they are speaking to me”.
In my opinion I’d rather they never spoke to me or my child again..but I appreciate my view FIL May be coloured by my dislike of him

onwards&upwards

I’m with you.

With everything you’ve told us he would only get near a 12 year old girl over my dead body.

I bet social services have stopped them fostering and I bet the reason they started in the first place was to get young girls into the house.

Your hisband’s view is skewed because he was raised by these creeps so he dosn’t realise how wrong their behaviour is You need to be your daughter’s protector here.

badmemory

A question for you to think about (no need to answer on here). Does your daughter actually know why she isn't seeing her grandparents & a separate question does she express any concern about NOT seeing them any more?

Stoodles

You have a horrible choice to make, and I feel for you.



Would you risk your daughter to protect your marriage?
Would you risk your marriage to protect your daughter?

Pollycat

Stoodles wrote: »

You have a horrible choice to make, and I feel for you.



Would you risk your daughter to protect your marriage?
Would you risk your marriage to protect your daughter?

I'm not a Mother and even I would say that's a no-brainer choice.

I agree with onwardsandupwards assessment:

onwards&upwards wrote: »

Your hisband’s view is skewed because he was raised by these creeps so he dosn’t realise how wrong their behaviour is You need to be your daughter’s protector here.