Kids don’t want to travel anymore

DUTR

Michele2711 wrote: »

To be honest I’m getting frustrated with you, I’ve stayed polite even though you know nothing about my life or how my ex is yet you continue to judge me!
I pay my ex £360 a month which is fine I’m not complaining but then with all the other costs I’m struggling, You May be in a very well payed job and find that easy but I don’t.
So you judge me for moving away but you want me to leave my job that keeps me affording to stay in contact with my children, my wife to leave her job and family and the kids to leave their school family and let’s not forget their dad who doesn’t travel at all to have them.
Please don’t comment anymore, you’ve made your mind up about me and what sort of father I am. Thanks for looking though

OP, I could understand any regrets creating this thread, reading many of the opening responses, many seem antagonising , there is no simple answer to your situation, only you can know what is the lesser of the evils for you.
Pay the csa yes, they soon grow up and the liability stops...watch how quickly they get in contact after that
You live everyday and die once what happens in between is a large variable which you or your ex cannot predict.

Anoneemoose

Onwards and upwards seems to have a HUGE chip on their shoulder. Please ignore them.

Like I said in my previous post, I see a father who is trying, who has a good relationship with his kids and wants to maintain that. He’s here asking for help with the logistics and costs now that circumstances are changing.

Nobody’s perfect and nobody knows why OP moved 250 miles away. The saying ‘until you’ve walked a mile...’ springs to mind.

POPPYOSCAR

Anoneemoose wrote: »

Onwards and upwards seems to have a HUGE chip on their shoulder. Please ignore them.

Like I said in my previous post, I see a father who is trying, who has a good relationship with his kids and wants to maintain that. He’s here asking for help with the logistics and costs now that circumstances are changing.

Nobody’s perfect and nobody knows why OP moved 250 miles away. The saying ‘until you’ve walked a mile...’ springs to mind.

I agree.

I feel really sorry for men sometimes.

Someone I know was told by their partner that she did not love him anymore and she made his life a living hell.

He told me that he did not want to live a life with someone who did not love him and could not stand it anymore so he moved out.

Everything was hunky dory until he met someone else and started a life with them.

His ex slated him and said he was a bad father because he did not fight for custody of their child.

Sometimes they just cannot win.

Michele2711

Thank you, I can’t even be bothered to answer the negative people anymore.
I know I try my best for my kids and I always will.

Dasa

Michele2711 wrote: »

Thank you, I can’t even be bothered to answer the negative people anymore.
I know I try my best for my kids and I always will.

Yeah take no notice you're obviously a good dad by the sound of things.Some would have you stuck in a miserable bedsit all on your own crying into a glass of water. That's when you've finished your three jobs.

TBagpuss

OP, I would suggest that you try to explore options such as having contact less often but for longer periods - maybe once evey 3 or 4 weeks instead of every other weekend, and look at ways to manage the travelling.

For instance -
- You get a train to near your ex, hire a car and book a B&B just for yourself , then take the children out each day
- as above, but hire an Air B'n'B which may be cheaper and solve the problem of needing 2 hotel rooms
- look at whether doing all or part of the journey by train would make the travel less tiring for the children, as they can talk, play games etc during the journey.
- suggest a mixed pattern - maybe once a month the childnre come to you, with the travel as it is now, and once a month you travel to thir locality and see them during the day 9so they don'tdo the long journey, and you only need accommodation for yourself)
- Ask your ex to do some of the travel - is there anywhere half way between your homes where you could meet up? this would break the jorney for the children.
- can you book further ahead and expand your area a bit? Travelodge usually have rooms for as little as £30 if you book well in advance, if you could findsomewhere within 30-60 minutes rive of Mum's home then you could book it for the childrens visits which would cut the cost of you spending time with them near their home, and you and your wife would be able to involve your younger child some of the time.

- look at increasing indirect contact with things like Skype of Facetime so the childnre get to talk to you even if they see you less fquesntly.

it would be reasonable for your ex to share the travelling as both parents should be supporting contact, but it is very hard to enforce.

DUTR

Michele2711 wrote: »

Thank you, I can’t even be bothered to answer the negative people anymore.
I know I try my best for my kids and I always will.

That is fair enough and your life policy, not everyone will or can share the same sentiment.
As describer earlier, yeah with someone who isn't in to you (whether cohabiting or not) , you move on with your life and then all the bad character slating comes about.
You soon get accustomed to it and carry on seeking your own contentment.
I have seen Dad's fight to do the 'right thing' only to appear 'losers' with no prize at the end.
Times gone by you cannot get back.
Once financial liability stops, as expected there is contact, you give the benefit of the doubt for a meet .
After all the inquisitive questions and the realisation that the opportunity for bonding has long passed and there is going to be no financial penalties, they soon vanish off again and one carries on with their familiar contentment.

*Robin*

Add up the travel costs over a year.. and then look at camper-vans / motor-homes. A six berth motor-home would solve your accommodation issues and be a lot more fun than juggling kids in a cheap hotel!
Most people buy with at least a partial loan [gives protection in case the 'van you chose turns out to have issues - assuming you're looking at ten to twenty year old models].

Good luck OP, you sound like a great Dad who really is trying his best to find a workable solution.

kezzygirl

Wow, you have had some harsh replies! I do not know what people are thinking by suggesting you uproot everyone to move closer, changing jobs, schools, home etc

The thing that sticks out for me, and was the case with my husband's ex, is that why does she not meet you halfway instead of the onus always being on you?

Newly_retired

MY grandchildren are 11 and 14. Their parents are divorced and both remarried. They live only five miles apart, so do not have the same problems as you, but given all the children’s weekend interests and commitments it is a huge juggling exercise. You have my sympathy.