Kids don’t want to travel anymore

Michele2711

Sorry in advance for the long post.

When my relationship from the mother of my children broke down, I moved back with my parents but it was 250miles away from my ex and my 4 children.

The job I was in allowed me to have a half day on Friday so I was able to travel up on a Friday, stay in a hotel and travel back on Sunday, my wife and youngest son had to come with me as hotel policy is 4 to a room so we had to get two rooms, we done this for 5 years with out fail. At the time I had a family based arrangement for maintenance with my ex, but she wanted more so took me to csa, I then couldn’t afford the hotels as well as pay more maintenance and the petrol, so to get round this my mother in law said she would travel up and pick them up on a Friday (she doesn’t work so left in the morning) and was there to pick them up when they finished school, and would leave Sunday evening to drop them home. My job has changed so I am now unable to go in the car with her on the Friday as I don’t get half days anymore, I wouldn’t get there untill midnight if I left when I finished work, csa won’t do a variation for petrol as I’m not in the car.
That has been the way it has been for a while, the kids don’t like doing the journey which I totally understand but they have a great time when they are here. I only see them once a month as it is and it kills me.
My ex who isn’t the most reasonable person, is now demanding that I go back to the way it was before, the kids have said they don’t want to do the journey, I’m stuck! I don’t want to make them do it but I also can’t go up there anymore. They are 14,11, and twins are 9.
I also have 3 children at home to provide for, plus the maintenance I pay my ex and the petrol money, I wouldn’t be able to afford to take Fridays off work and pay for 2 extra hotel rooms plus food and entertainment for the weekend. Where do I stand.
Thanks

gabriel1980

Just move closer to the children.

KatrinaWaves

It was your choice to have 3 more children to 'provide for' at the expense of being able to see your previous 4. You should not be expecting your children to make the effort. You should be. Find a way to make it work.

Michele2711

Like I said I have a wife who has 2 children from a previous relationship and we have a child together, it’s not as easy to get up and leave.

KatrinaWaves

Michele2711 wrote: »

Like I said I have a wife who has 2 children from a previous relationship and we have a child together, it’s not as easy to get up and leave.

You got up and moved 250 miles from the other 4?

Is she not getting maintenance from their father to provide for the older two?

onwards&upwards

Michele2711 wrote: »

Like I said I have a wife who has 2 children from a previous relationship and we have a child together, it’s not as easy to get up and leave.

It’s not your older kids fault that you have prioritised your new family at their expense.

Move closer, get a better paid job, live more frugally, do whatever you need to do to keep a relationship with them.

kingfisherblue

Michele2711 wrote: »

Sorry in advance for the long post.

When my relationship from the mother of my children broke down, I moved back with my parents but it was 250miles away from my ex and my 4 children.

The job I was in allowed me to have a half day on Friday so I was able to travel up on a Friday, stay in a hotel and travel back on Sunday, my wife and youngest son had to come with me as hotel policy is 4 to a room so we had to get two rooms, we done this for 5 years with out fail. At the time I had a family based arrangement for maintenance with my ex, but she wanted more so took me to csa, I then couldn’t afford the hotels as well as pay more maintenance and the petrol, so to get round this my mother in law said she would travel up and pick them up on a Friday (she doesn’t work so left in the morning) and was there to pick them up when they finished school, and would leave Sunday evening to drop them home. My job has changed so I am now unable to go in the car with her on the Friday as I don’t get half days anymore, I wouldn’t get there untill midnight if I left when I finished work, csa won’t do a variation for petrol as I’m not in the car.
That has been the way it has been for a while, the kids don’t like doing the journey which I totally understand but they have a great time when they are here. I only see them once a month as it is and it kills me.
My ex who isn’t the most reasonable person, is now demanding that I go back to the way it was before, the kids have said they don’t want to do the journey, I’m stuck! I don’t want to make them do it but I also can’t go up there anymore. They are 14,11, and twins are 9.
I also have 3 children at home to provide for, plus the maintenance I pay my ex and the petrol money, I wouldn’t be able to afford to take Fridays off work and pay for 2 extra hotel rooms plus food and entertainment for the weekend. Where do I stand.
Thanks

Could you manage a few days extra each school holiday instead? My ex chose to move further away from us when he started a new family. I have been to his house twice, for the sake of my children, but generally speaking, he is the one who has to come up to see them.



Unfortunately it was your choice to move so far away, and it is your children who cannot see you as frequently as they deserve as a result.

Fire_Fox

Michele2711 wrote: »

Sorry in advance for the long post.

When my relationship from the mother of my children broke down, I moved back with my parents but it was 250miles away from my ex and my 4 children.

The job I was in allowed me to have a half day on Friday so I was able to travel up on a Friday, stay in a hotel and travel back on Sunday, my wife and youngest son had to come with me as hotel policy is 4 to a room so we had to get two rooms, we done this for 5 years with out fail. At the time I had a family based arrangement for maintenance with my ex, but she wanted more so took me to csa, I then couldn’t afford the hotels as well as pay more maintenance and the petrol, so to get round this my mother in law said she would travel up and pick them up on a Friday (she doesn’t work so left in the morning) and was there to pick them up when they finished school, and would leave Sunday evening to drop them home. My job has changed so I am now unable to go in the car with her on the Friday as I don’t get half days anymore, I wouldn’t get there untill midnight if I left when I finished work, csa won’t do a variation for petrol as I’m not in the car.
That has been the way it has been for a while, the kids don’t like doing the journey which I totally understand but they have a great time when they are here. I only see them once a month as it is and it kills me.
My ex who isn’t the most reasonable person, is now demanding that I go back to the way it was before, the kids have said they don’t want to do the journey, I’m stuck! I don’t want to make them do it but I also can’t go up there anymore. They are 14,11, and twins are 9.
I also have 3 children at home to provide for, plus the maintenance I pay my ex and the petrol money, I wouldn’t be able to afford to take Fridays off work and pay for 2 extra hotel rooms plus food and entertainment for the weekend. Where do I stand.
Thanks

Michele2711 wrote: »

Like I said I have a wife who has 2 children from a previous relationship and we have a child together, it’s not as easy to get up and leave.

You see your older children only once a month, but do not use any annual leave to make it a long weekend (full day Friday/ full day Monday)?

You are able to provide for your step-children's daily needs, yet are struggling to afford a monthly visit with your own children?

Your new wife cannot be left/ must go with you?

Your priorities seem off.

MSE is full of ways to increase household income and reduce household outgoings. Consider completing a Statement of Affairs (full budget breakdown) and posting on one of the boards for comments.

Michele2711

No my wife doesn’t get any maintenance from their dad, he is self employed and wangled out of it. My wife fully provides for her kids, when I say provide my other 3 for I mean, rent, shopping and bills, we are a family after all and one of those 3 is mine.

No it’s not their fault, I moved away I know that but at that time I felt I had no other option, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
I was more then happy to do the journey, I done it for 5 years, I’m STILL more then happy to do the journey I just can’t afford to! If only it was that easy to get a better paid job, I would of done it already.

I use all my annual leave to have the kids in school holidays, my wife (who works part time because of our young one) also takes time of work to have them as I only get 28 days holiday.
We didn’t plan to have our son but it’s the way it’s gone before people start shouting at me.

My wife used to come with me so we can book a second room in the hotel, I’m only aloud 4 to a room, so I’m not allowed all 4 children in one room due to fire regulations of the hotels, my youngest son came with us because we couldn’t get a baby sitter for the whole weekend, so he would do the journey with us.

I pay my ex £360 a month, I have to pay £150 petrol money, hotels ranged from £130 to £250 depending on time of year of course this is for 2 rooms and booking well in advance. i provide clothes for my boys as I don’t expect my ex to pack clothes.

I’ve never ever let my kids down!
I’m not trying to make my kids do anything they don’t want to do, I was simply asking if there was anything I can do, anywhere I could get some help.

Soundgirlrocks

Perhaps a bit of out of the box thinking is needed - trains and air b&b are the first two options that spring to mind, if you book tickets far enough in advance it will be much cheaper. What areas are you traveling to/from

onwards&upwards

Second job? Something flexible like Uber driving or fast food?

Which hotel is it that won’t let a single parent with 4 kids stay?