Kids don’t want to travel anymore

Michele2711

warby68 wrote: »

Probably needs a better relationship than you currently have, but would ex consider going away for a weekend (in an opportunity for a break sense rather than a kicked out sense) and allow you to stay in her home with your children once in a while?

Alternate you to them and them to you.

Don't stay over, travel early hours of morning and back late at night. Tiring but only once a month.

Hire a camper van for 5 !

The ex seems to be stirring things up but, truthfully, I don't think I could stomach the new MIL picking my children up for a 500 mile round trip because their dad moved 250 miles away. Being responsible for 7 children 250 miles apart is never going to be an easy win. I'm sure you have reasons for the choices you have made and have clearly worked very hard to keep the regular contact, but unfortunately it will always be down to you almost 100% to find a way that works and keep putting the graft in.

I’ve not asked this, but i used to put my kids to bed when I dropped them off on a Sunday, then she got a new bf and he said I wasn’t allowed upstairs, so we would stay for a cup of tea just so I could settle the kids, her new bf stopped this, they broke up so she allowed me back in, then even though they wasn’t together she said it’s not right and it’s not normal so stopped it again, I wouldn’t feel comfortable asking her to leave the house for the weekend, it’s her home after all, I also wouldn’t trust that she wouldn’t kick me out again. She gets along very well with my mother in law and will often sit for hours and talk, im not going to sit here and slag the mother of my children off but she can be abit unreasonable.

Michele2711

onwards&upwards wrote: »

The boldest was the bit you had control over.

Anyway, you can’t change what’s done, but you have a responsibility to do everything you humanly can to stop the choices you’ve made for yourself negatively affecting your kids.

What are the two locations? I’ll happily do a bit of googling for cheap travel options, i’m Sure others will too.

I’ve said the locations in a previous post, Southampton to Lancashire

onwards&upwards

Michele2711 wrote: »

I’ve said the locations in a previous post, Southampton to Lancashire

Lancashire’s a big place!

Ah, just seen it’s Bacup. Leeds airport will be closer.

Flybe go direct from Southampton to Leeds in just over an hour. You could fly up just you Friday night or Saturday morning and stay till Sunday morning. Booking in advance could be cheap, sky scanner says less than £100 each way.

I’ve also found Plenty of places to stay in Leeds that will accept 1 adult and 4 children of the ages yours are. Do a search on booking.com, mostly apartments but you could look at hostel rooms too, dirt cheap but great for a family campout and then spending the day doing fun stuff around Leeds/Yorkshire!

thorsoak

This is the first post by the OP in the forum :-


Michele2711 19-06-2019, 11:17 AM
MoneySaving Convert


Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 19


" Help! I have to pay Ex’s overpayments

My husbands ex girlfriend failed to tell tax credits that he left the family home untill a month later, this was back in 2011, we have recently received a letter stating he has to pay half of it back as it was a joint claim? Surely if he wasn’t in the house and she clearly got the money in her bank it’s her debt?
He is paying it back monthly but I still don’t think this is right as he didn’t get any of the money. The amount owed is £1600 and he has to pay half of that.
Any advice would be great."

OP - are you using your partner's log-in - or are these troll posts??

suki1964

Kudos to you for trying to make this work

Mr S moved 500 miles away from his children when him and the ex split up, not from choice, way back in a depression and had to move for work.

We had to use all our holidays on the children, and most of our spare cash, but it didn't last forever ( just felt like it)

He used to fly over and lift them, them fly back to our home, and return journey, till they were both old enough to go as unaccompanied minors ( meant we could afford to see them more often )

We also had maintenance, school uniforms, school trips, cries for help from the ex to fork out for as well. Not that Im moaning, they were his children, he chose to have them, they needed maintenance and they didn't deserve to miss out because mum and dad split up

It is bloody hard and I think the OP is being given a hard time on here. Obviously the man is trying to do his best here, keeping two families running, sharing himself between 7 children, two not his but him taking on the role of provider.

Swingaloos suggestion of a one day visit sounds like at this time, is a pretty good compromise. You could also book yourself one night in a B+B, YH or cheap lodgings just for the night so your one day is as long as possible and yet you get a sleep before you have to drive back up the road ( and Ive driven that route enough times to know how stressful and tiring it is and its taken me 6 hours at times) but leaving early enough so you still get some of the weekend with your other family

Good luck to you

suki1964

thorsoak wrote: »

This is the first post by the OP in the forum :-


Michele2711 19-06-2019, 11:17 AM
MoneySaving Convert


Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 19


" Help! I have to pay Ex’s overpayments

My husbands ex girlfriend failed to tell tax credits that he left the family home untill a month later, this was back in 2011, we have recently received a letter stating he has to pay half of it back as it was a joint claim? Surely if he wasn’t in the house and she clearly got the money in her bank it’s her debt?
He is paying it back monthly but I still don’t think this is right as he didn’t get any of the money. The amount owed is £1600 and he has to pay half of that.
Any advice would be great."

OP - are you using your partner's log-in - or are these troll posts??

Id imagine that the name Michelle is the OPs new partner and the OP is using their login

Happier_Me

Hi OP

Any reason why you can't have the odd overnight stay mixed in with the day visits you are thinking about doing? I know there is an affordability issue but it doesn't have to be every month and I think there are cheaper options available to you. If you pop over to the debt free wannabe board the regulars on there are brilliant at budgeting and cutting unnecessary spending too.

Booking.com allows you to book rooms for 1 adult, 4 children. Cheapest near Bacup for early October is about £110 for 1 night. But you could always stay in a premier inn or travelodge on your own to extend your time with your kids into the Sunday, they cost as little as £35.

foolofbeans

I moved many miles away when I split with my children's father and we used to meet halfway and swap children over to stay with their dad for holidays.
I think OP has done really well to visit his children so often. I think that as the children are older and they already communicate with phones etc then having them all the holidays is more than enough. It's not ideal but it's still a quarter of the year with them.
As the children get older they may be open to travelling down on their own, via coach or train if that's affordable.

Michele2711

onwards&upwards wrote: »

Lancashire’s a big place!

Ah, just seen it’s Bacup. Leeds airport will be closer.

Flybe go direct from Southampton to Leeds in just over an hour. You could fly up just you Friday night or Saturday morning and stay till Sunday morning. Booking in advance could be cheap, sky scanner says less than £100 each way.

I’ve also found Plenty of places to stay in Leeds that will accept 1 adult and 4 children of the ages yours are. Do a search on booking.com, mostly apartments but you could look at hostel rooms too, dirt cheap but great for a family campout and then spending the day doing fun stuff around Leeds/Yorkshire!

Leeds is still an hour away from the children, and without a car I would find that difficult, my ex will not bring them to me. It took ALOT of convincing to get her to meet me at the airport when I took them on holiday, as we didn’t have room in the car to pick them up first. She wouldn’t do the travel

Michele2711

thorsoak wrote: »

This is the first post by the OP in the forum :-


Michele2711 19-06-2019, 11:17 AM
MoneySaving Convert


Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 19



" Help! I have to pay Ex’s overpayments

My husbands ex girlfriend failed to tell tax credits that he left the family home untill a month later, this was back in 2011, we have recently received a letter stating he has to pay half of it back as it was a joint claim? Surely if he wasn’t in the house and she clearly got the money in her bank it’s her debt?
He is paying it back monthly but I still don’t think this is right as he didn’t get any of the money. The amount owed is £1600 and he has to pay half of that.
Any advice would be great."

OP - are you using your partner's log-in - or are these troll posts??

I’m using my wife’s log in