Kids don’t want to travel anymore

Michele2711

Happier_Me wrote: »

Hi OP

Any reason why you can't have the odd overnight stay mixed in with the day visits you are thinking about doing? I know there is an affordability issue but it doesn't have to be every month and I think there are cheaper options available to you. If you pop over to the debt free wannabe board the regulars on there are brilliant at budgeting and cutting unnecessary spending too.

Booking.com allows you to book rooms for 1 adult, 4 children. Cheapest near Bacup for early October is about £110 for 1 night. But you could always stay in a premier inn or travelodge on your own to extend your time with your kids into the Sunday, they cost as little as £35.

Thank you, if I stay my ex said I have to have the children, I used to stay in a premier in as the kids got free breakfast with a paying adult and I suggested I had two at a time so I could book 1 room and save my wife the hassle of coming up with a new born baby and all the equipment that comes with a baby, steriliser, bottles, crap loads of clothes as he used to have a reflux problem but she said no.
If I can ever afford it then I will go up extra

silvercar

Thank you, if I stay my ex said I have to have the children

Does she have the right to say that? Easiest would be if the children stay with their mother and you take them out during the day. Then you only need to find accommodation for yourself.

Michele2711

silvercar wrote: »

Does she have the right to say that? Easiest would be if the children stay with their mother and you take them out during the day. Then you only need to find accommodation for yourself.

Yeah she can, i get her point and we have argued over it, she wants time to herself Or with her youngest son, which is totally understandable, yes she loses out completely if I don’t go up but this is her way of controlling me, if she says I can’t have them without them staying she knows I will have them stay

onwards&upwards

That’s fair enough, she is raising 4 children on her own and they are yours just as much as they are hers. You should have equal responsibility for them but because you made a new family unit 250 miles away you don’t.

I’m getting frustrated with you now because for every helpful suggestion you have an answer why you won’t do it. I can imagine how she must feel dealing you all the time!

There are two train stations within 4 miles of Bacup, or take the car and stay in one of the dirt cheap family rooms in hostels in Manchester or Leeds. Or, what are your ideas? Why is moving not an option at all?

Dasa

onwards&upwards wrote: »

That’s fair enough, she is raising 4 children on her own and they are yours just as much as they are hers. You should have equal responsibility for them but because you made a new family unit 250 miles away you don’t.

I’m getting frustrated with you now because for every helpful suggestion you have an answer why you won’t do it. I can imagine how she must feel dealing you all the time!

There are two train stations within 4 miles of Bacup, or take the car and stay in one of the dirt cheap family rooms in hostels in Manchester or Leeds. Or, what are your ideas? Why is moving not an option at all?

Get over yourself.

Michele2711

onwards&upwards wrote: »

That’s fair enough, she is raising 4 children on her own and they are yours just as much as they are hers. You should have equal responsibility for them but because you made a new family unit 250 miles away you don’t.

I’m getting frustrated with you now because for every helpful suggestion you have an answer why you won’t do it. I can imagine how she must feel dealing you all the time!

There are two train stations within 4 miles of Bacup, or take the car and stay in one of the dirt cheap family rooms in hostels in Manchester or Leeds. Or, what are your ideas? Why is moving not an option at all?

To be honest I’m getting frustrated with you, I’ve stayed polite even though you know nothing about my life or how my ex is yet you continue to judge me!
I pay my ex £360 a month which is fine I’m not complaining but then with all the other costs I’m struggling, You May be in a very well payed job and find that easy but I don’t.
So you judge me for moving away but you want me to leave my job that keeps me affording to stay in contact with my children, my wife to leave her job and family and the kids to leave their school family and let’s not forget their dad who doesn’t travel at all to have them.
Please don’t comment anymore, you’ve made your mind up about me and what sort of father I am. Thanks for looking though

onwards&upwards

Michele2711 wrote: »

To be honest I’m getting frustrated with you, I’ve stayed polite even though you know nothing about my life or how my ex is yet you continue to judge me!
I pay my ex £360 a month which is fine I’m not complaining but then with all the other costs I’m struggling, You May be in a very well payed job and find that easy but I don’t.
So you judge me for moving away but you want me to leave my job that keeps me affording to stay in contact with my children, my wife to leave her job and family and the kids to leave their school family and let’s not forget their dad who doesn’t travel at all to have them.
Please don’t comment anymore, you’ve made your mind up about me and what sort of father I am. Thanks for looking though

I just don’t get what you wanted out of this thread. Starting to wonder if you were hoping you’d get lots of replies saying your ex is being unreasonable and she should bring the kids to you or something.

Anyway, I have no intention of wasting my time trying to help you anymore, bye!

warby68

This might be a bit judgemental but you have mentioned cost being the main reason you stopped travelling so how does an overseas holiday, presumably for 8 or 9 people, square with that.

Harsh? Maybe, but possibly also food for thought.

I too find your arguments jarring if I put myself in the shoes of the other parent with 4 quite young children on her own for most of the time and more so how the 4 children feel playing second fiddle to your second family . Even the airport - you can't pick up family 1 because the car is full of family 2? You could if you wanted - drop off and go back. The ex might be awkward but in the split of parental responsibility I can see why.

thorsoak

You say that your eldest child is now 14 years old - it is quite normal for teenagers to say that no, they do not want to spend half their weekends travelling halfway across the country now. School work will be becoming more intensive and may require some studying at weekends - or maybe the teenager may feel that s/he cannot participate in sports because of family commitments.

One other thing - you are paying your ex £360 a month? Is that all, for four children? My son (who earns not far above the minimum wage) pays £250 for his 9 year old daughter.

POPPYOSCAR

thorsoak wrote: »

You say that your eldest child is now 14 years old - it is quite normal for teenagers to say that no, they do not want to spend half their weekends travelling halfway across the country now. School work will be becoming more intensive and may require some studying at weekends - or maybe the teenager may feel that s/he cannot participate in sports because of family commitments.

One other thing - you are paying your ex £360 a month? Is that all, for four children? My son (who earns not far above the minimum wage) pays £250 for his 9 year old daughter.

What has that got to do with anything?

Maintenance payments are worked out on several factors not just how many children.