Kids don’t want to travel anymore

zagfles

Dasa wrote: »

What's he supposed to do, be on his own for the rest of his life? Poor sod.

Believe it or not that's exactly how some people think! The friend I mentioned earlier, when he split from his wife it was amicable and contact was informal and easy going, he saw his daughter whenever he wanted and he and his ex were flexible with each other, and they both put their daughter first.

But a few years later, he met someone and then everything changed. He and his daughter were happy for things to continue as they were, but his ex turned into some insanely jealous monster. She did everything she could to prevent contact and he ended up having to go to court! She really expected him to remain single forever!

Michele2711

maman wrote: »

I spent years doing a similar journey (200+miles each way) on a Saturday. I got very familiar with the farming programme on the radio early in the morning! I arrived by 10 without fail and left late afternoon. It was worth it.

This was on top of being in touch during the week.

I’m more then happy to do it, it does make perfect sense, I would obviously love to have them for the full weekend But that is a hell of a lot better then nothing.

Anoneemoose

I’ve no practical advice, I just wanted to wish you luck. It sounds like you have a good relationship with your kids and that can only be because you have made an effort previously, something not every father does.

My father used to ‘pick me up and put me down’ when it was convenient for him and there was no consistency. I’ve not spoken to him for over a decade.

You don’t sound like that at all. I know we all have to put our kids first, and do whatever we can, but there are things that throw a spanner in the works and make things difficult to coordinate. Hopefully the suggestions will help.

onwards&upwards

Dasa wrote: »

What's he supposed to do, be on his own for the rest of his life? Poor sod.

He’s supposed to put his kids first. That doesn’t have to mean being alone but it’s not hard to predict that setting up home and taking on responsibility for 3 more kids 250 miles away from your existing children is likely to cause some difficulties!

Michele2711

Anoneemoose wrote: »

I’ve no practical advice, I just wanted to wish you luck. It sounds like you have a good relationship with your kids and that can only be because you have made an effort previously, something not every father does.

My father used to ‘pick me up and put me down’ when it was convenient for him and there was no consistency. I’ve not spoken to him for over a decade.

You don’t sound like that at all. I know we all have to put our kids first, and do whatever we can, but there are things that throw a spanner in the works and make things difficult to coordinate. Hopefully the suggestions will help.

Thank you, I feel a little positive after the suggestion of going up for one day, I was scared I wasn’t going to see them at all, it’s still not ideal but it’s better then nothing.

Michele2711

onwards&upwards wrote: »

He’s supposed to put his kids first. That doesn’t have to mean being alone but it’s not hard to predict that setting up home and taking on responsibility for 3 more kids 250 miles away from your existing children is likely to cause some difficulties!

I set up home at my parents house because without giving everyone my sob story it was the only choice I was left with, I fell in love with someone with children, and we now have a son together, none of it was planned but it’s the way it’s gone.

maman

Michele2711 wrote: »

Thank you, I feel a little positive after the suggestion of going up for one day, I was scared I wasn’t going to see them at all, it’s still not ideal but it’s better then nothing.

While you can't get extra time off every weekend, there will be occasions when you can take some leave and have a weekend. The children may not want to travel every week but an occasional trip may be different.

Michele2711

maman wrote: »

While you can't get extra time off every weekend, there will be occasions when you can take some leave and have a weekend. The children may not want to travel every week but an occasional trip may be different.

I will still have them every holiday and I get bank holidays off they might not mind coming for the long weekend still, I will leave it down to them

warby68

Probably needs a better relationship than you currently have, but would ex consider going away for a weekend (in an opportunity for a break sense rather than a kicked out sense) and allow you to stay in her home with your children once in a while?

Alternate you to them and them to you.

Don't stay over, travel early hours of morning and back late at night. Tiring but only once a month.

Hire a camper van for 5 !

The ex seems to be stirring things up but, truthfully, I don't think I could stomach the new MIL picking my children up for a 500 mile round trip because their dad moved 250 miles away. Being responsible for 7 children 250 miles apart is never going to be an easy win. I'm sure you have reasons for the choices you have made and have clearly worked very hard to keep the regular contact, but unfortunately it will always be down to you almost 100% to find a way that works and keep putting the graft in.

onwards&upwards

Michele2711 wrote: »

I set up home at my parents house because without giving everyone my sob story it was the only choice I was left with, I fell in love with someone with children, and we now have a son together, none of it was planned but it’s the way it’s gone.

The boldest was the bit you had control over.

Anyway, you can’t change what’s done, but you have a responsibility to do everything you humanly can to stop the choices you’ve made for yourself negatively affecting your kids.

What are the two locations? I’ll happily do a bit of googling for cheap travel options, i’m Sure others will too.