Kids don’t want to travel anymore

Michele2711

I would have to go up after work, I would have to get 2 trains at the cost of £130 but I also have to get around when I’m up there, nothing is in walking distance to each other so would struggle getting to hotel.
I work all the hours I can, and I’m also on call so couldn’t commit to another job. I’ve just checked an air b&b but the cheapest one was £194 and it was pretty far from the kids house and with no car I wouldn’t have a way to get there, I could get a taxi but then I might as well take the car as the taxi itself would cost more the £20.

Soundgirlrocks

When you go to see the kids do they have to stay with you? I appreciate that you would like to be able to have then for the full weekend but if cost of paying for them to stay with you over night makes the trip unaffordable then surely it is better you have a b&b on your own so you can still spend the time with them? You can get a room for a couple of night for much less than £194 (even in London)

As a child I travelled 350 miles to see my Dad twice a year, so I can appreciate the difficulties

Michele2711

I suggested this to my ex, I also suggested that I have 2 at a time in the hotel but she refused and said I had to have them all together. I totally understand where the kids are coming from, they have been doing it for a year and they have been fine doing it, it’s a nice big car with DVD players in, they have said they don’t particularly like doing it but they don’t mind, they have never said they don’t want to, they get to see other family members here and my eldest is really close with my step son, they love coming down, unfortunately myself and my ex have been arguing lately and she said that she doesn’t want them doing it and they don’t want to do it anymore, so this month they have said they are not coming down, which I’ve told them is fine and I understand, I will never make them do it.

trailingspouse

Thinking outside the box here - could your kids fly down to see you? When I lived in Northumberland and my ex had to move to Southampton for work, it was the cheapest/easiest way to do it. Crunch the numbers, and compare it to all the other options.



For children under 16, they can fly as 'unaccompanied minors' (cabin crew help them through security and generally look after them and hand them over to you on arrival) - there was no extra charge for this when my son was doing it.

Soundgirlrocks

Michele2711 wrote: »

I suggested this to my ex, I also suggested that I have 2 at a time in the hotel but she refused and said I had to have them all together.

I can understand her not wanting you to take 2 at a time, that would be a pain, but if you go down for weekend and stay in a b&b is she actually going to refuse you spending the day with the kids?

It seems the ex is more of the issue here than the kids not wanting to travel or the costs.

BrassicWoman

250 miles = about a 4 hour drive. So can still go after work and get there at 9.

I get 20 days holiday a year; so that's once every 3 weeks you can have a Friday off at least.

I just looked up a random town on hotels dot com for one room with an adult and kids of your ages and got 20 hits.

I am not sure you are trying hard enough on this one. Be a dad, or don't.

Michele2711

4 1/2 hours on a good run when I leave at 3am (to avoid traffic) to pick them up for the holidays actually! The longest it has taken me is 10 hours, if only we could all predict good traffic especially on a Friday the way you can! I don’t get home from work untill 6 again can sometimes be later due to traffic.
Yeah sure I just done the same the cheapest one that was available was 21 miles away from their house
And cost £265.
I have them every school holiday and 1 week at Christmas, we switch weeks every year so we share Christmas, that equals more then 28 days.

I looked at flights, but again the cheapest I saw was £434 but I’ve not done a lot of research though I’ve just briefly looked. I will look more into that as the kids would like that not sure my ex will though.

onwards&upwards

Wow, you’ve got loads of excuses for not seeing your children.

What sort of responses are you hoping for here? Nobody is going to say it’s ok not to try.

zagfles

All that travelling won't be doing them/you any good, not to mention the expense, and the environment. It was a different situation, but a friend of mine had problems physically seeing his daughter, their solution was to simply Skype regularly - that was their main form of contact, and the daughter (now grown up) says she had a far closer relationship with her Dad over Skype than her Mum who she lived with! They would Skype almost every day, sometimes for 5 mins, sometimes 2 hours, which they found so much better than rigid contact times.

So with the kids at that age you could Skype/facetime them regularly, even daily, and then save physical meets for occasional long weekends or holidays. Don't kill yourself travelling at ridiculous hours or after a long day's work.

PS ignore all the judgemental rubbish you always get on this board.

Michele2711

onwards&upwards wrote: »

Wow, you’ve got loads of excuses for not seeing your children.

What sort of responses are you hoping for here? Nobody is going to say it’s ok not to try.

I do see my children thank you, this is the first time in 6 1/2 years that I haven’t. I asked for advice not approval, I haven’t made excuses at all, but it’s not as if I haven’t gone down all avenues, people have asked me questions and I have answered them.
Everyone is assuming they know my life, it’s easy to sit behind a keyboard and judge someone you don’t know.