Complaint from next door neighbour

Doozergirl

couriervanman wrote: »

Regarding the phone......i know a few people who you can hear from 50 yrds shouting down the phone

I'm married to one.

I don't know why he thinks people can't hear him. He barely needs to phone anyone, he's that loud.

Marvel1

I use wireless headphones when watching TV, maybe you can try that. At night sound is more loud than daytime. I can hear a train passing at night, it's a fair few streets away but never in the day.

Overgrown garden is your choice, if I couldn't be bothered I won't do it, if others don't like it, not my problem.

KinderScout2019

Thanks all fellow MSE members!! You are just like the moon in a dark night, light up the path for me. Co-incidentally yesterday was mid-autumn festival in Chinese culture (Moon cake festival). Really appreciate your help.

I decide to use the letter bro onwards&upwards prepared. A very elegant letter! (I need to improve my english a lot more, hope I can write a letter like this one day).

Dear neighbour,

I am sorry that you have been bothered by noise and I am very sorry that you felt you had to write this letter rather than coming to speak with me. I assure I have never intended to deliberately cause annoyance and I did not think I was making any excessive noise.

However I will now be mindful of your concerns and will try to reduce the sounds you and your daughter can hear.

Thank you,

I have no problem to reduce noise at all, it was not my intention at all to disturb neighbour. I didn't know I had affected her, and have wrong perception "late" is 12am. I am happy to adjust this. Thanks bro shortcrust for the suggestion: My take on this is keep things fairly quiet from 10pm and very quiet from 11pm. Don’t vacuum or do DIY after 9pm.

If the neighbour becomes more aggressive and rude after this, I can always use bro shortcrust's suggestion.

I will reply and give an update.

Thank you all for your supports and advices!

VincentVincent

Personally, in the letter i would say "will ensure i reduce the sounds after 10pm".

Don't say "try". Be affirmative, take control of the situation and say you will. Also if you specify a time then it's on your terms and there can be no confusion or different expectations; don't give her the leeway to consider 9pm as late and complain again. She'll know to expect quietness at 10pm which is half the problem solved.

shortcrust

VincentVincent wrote: »

Personally, in the letter i would say "will ensure i reduce the sounds after 10pm".

Don't say "try". Be affirmative, take control of the situation and say you will. Also if you specify a time then it's on your terms and there can be no confusion or different expectations; don't give her the leeway to consider 9pm as late and complain again. She'll know to expect quietness at 10pm which is half the problem solved.

I’m not sure about this because there will obviously occasionally be some noise after 10pm. For example, you should expect to tolerate an occasional louder the usual evening if people have guests etc. Even a party every now again isn’t unreasonable. If you agree to ensure you’re just making trouble for yourself in the future. I think ‘try’ is fine and considering I’d ignore the letter (or worse) I think the neighbour should be grateful for it.

Edit to add: Believe it or not I’m actually a very agreeable neighbour (even if I do say so myself!). However I’ve experience of how this sort of thing can morph into controlling and/or bullying behaviour without you even realising it.

Soot2006

I think the letter is very good with "try". You can' t make promises, but you can do your best. It's a clear de-escalation letter. The next step is to get to know each other a bit better. One trick is to try to get invited into her place while your tv is on your preferred volume, so that you have an insight to how loud it actually is.

Our old house, you couldn't hear anything through the walls.

New house, sadly, sound seems to carry!

Smodlet

If you have to share a wall with people who don't live with you, you need to be considerate all the time. Some people work shifts and 8 a.m. is "late" to them because that is when they go to bed! If you share a party wall, you need to be quiet all the time unless you want your neighbours to respond in kind. They can make your life a misery too; you have to sleep some time.

Personally, I can't STAND noisy, inconsiderate neighbours and I think this thread has really sorted the rich from the poor: Namely, the likes of Doozergirl and Davesnave, who variously "own a building company" and "have the smallholding from heaven in Devon" (paraphrasing) compared to those of us condemned to live the other side of a wall from whatever pig-ignorant chav-from-hell fate/their landlord chooses to inflict on us.

If you are going to live here, get a clue, OP. The vast majority of us don't live in houses on "Escape to the Country"; we live in hopelessly inadequate housing where you can practically hear your neighbours breathe. The only way life is tolerable is when neighbours consider each other the way they would those living with them because we can all hear each other all the time... Unless we are millionaires.

Do as you would be done by and stop making your neighbours' lives a misery or expect them to do as they said they would; I would not blame them at all.

onwards&upwards

Smodlet wrote: »

If you have to share a wall with people who don't live with you, you need to be considerate all the time. Some people work shifts and 8 a.m. is "late" to them because that is when they go to bed! If you share a party wall, you need to be quiet all the time unless you want your neighbours to respond in kind. They can make your life a misery too; you have to sleep some time.

Personally, I can't STAND noisy, inconsiderate neighbours and I think this thread has really sorted the rich from the poor: Namely, the likes of Doozergirl and Davesnave, who variously "own a building company" and "have the smallholding from heaven in Devon" (paraphrasing) compared to those of us condemned to live the other side of a wall from whatever pig-ignorant chav-from-hell fate/their landlord chooses to inflict on us.

If you are going to live here, get a clue, OP. The vast majority of us don't live in houses on "Escape to the Country"; we live in hopelessly inadequate housing where you can practically hear your neighbours breathe. The only way life is tolerable is when neighbours consider each other the way they would those living with them because we can all hear each other all the time... Unless we are millionaires.

Do as you would be done by and stop making your neighbours' lives a misery or expect them to do as they said they would; I would not blame them at all.

It’s a two way street though, we all have to be considerate but equally we all have to be tolerant of people just living their lives, even if they are different from our own lives.

For example, my neighbour on one side is old and hard of hearing so she has the tv on insanely loud. On the other side is a family with kids, so they make normal levels of child noise playing etc. I have dogs, sometimes they bark. We all accept each other’s various differences and manage fine, nobody can expect silence!

Smodlet

Of course, we can't unless we are millionaires; some of us can still aspire to it, though.

elsien

Smodlet wrote: »

If you have to share a wall with people who don't live with you, you need to be considerate all the time. Some people work shifts and 8 a.m. is "late" to them because that is when they go to bed! If you share a party wall, you need to be quiet all the time unless you want your neighbours to respond in kind. They can make your life a misery too; you have to sleep some time.

Personally, I can't STAND noisy, inconsiderate neighbours and I think this thread has really sorted the rich from the poor: Namely, the likes of Doozergirl and Davesnave, who variously "own a building company" and "have the smallholding from heaven in Devon" (paraphrasing) compared to those of us condemned to live the other side of a wall from whatever pig-ignorant chav-from-hell fate/their landlord chooses to inflict on us.

If you are going to live here, get a clue, OP. The vast majority of us don't live in houses on "Escape to the Country"; we live in hopelessly inadequate housing where you can practically hear your neighbours breathe. The only way life is tolerable is when neighbours consider each other the way they would those living with them because we can all hear each other all the time... Unless we are millionaires.

Do as you would be done by and stop making your neighbours' lives a misery or expect them to do as they said they would; I would not blame them at all.

You really don't need to be quiet all the time. Consideration, yes, curtailing your activities l at normal times of day to pander to their lifestyle, no.
When I did shifts I used earplugs. I certainly didn't expect next door to tiptoe round so as not to wake me. Or to not Hoover, or mow the lawn, or diy or anything else that might create a bit of noise.