Complaint from next door neighbour

KinderScout2019

this is the letter
https: //i.ibb.co/c2GLCwR/page1.jpg
https: //i.ibb.co/r5cbvDj/page2.jpg

Dear fellow MSE members,

I got this message from my next door neighbour yesterday.
I have been stayed here for >4 years, if I am a noisy person, I am sure this complaint will come from day 1.

television sound? I sometimes watch youtube on my mobile or laptop before I sleep
shouting at telephone? I just talk like normal, I didn't know the wall isolation was bad and they can hear the my voice next door.

I never want to upset the neighbour which I always slow down the sound volume before 12am. This probably why the message complain "after 11pm", mentioned nothing about "12am", because my perception is not to make any noise after midnight, OK, I agree that I should now not to make any noise by 11am now.

I have no problem for the neighbour to remind me that I am too loud because I didn't know it was causing problem to her. This is first message from neighbour, but the wording is very strong to me, and making me very uncomfortable.

I need help on below:
I remove my emotion and state only the fact. I have no intention to fight and I am happy to reduce the noise, but I am also badly threatened by the message, dare not to make any noise at all, I cannot sleep last night and feel very uncomfortable at my home now. So turn to fellow MSE members for advice.

I am helpless, I would be grateful if you can offer some advices to deal with this.
I will avoid making any noise now. Do I need to reply her? Or, just keep the volume down and move on with life, no need to reply at all.
Judging from her letter, I doubt I can have any peaceful talk with her at all.

Background
I am an Asian migrate but have been living in UK >5 years, so I may have culture different sometimes but I avoid making any problem.
I have been staying at this house >4 years. When I first move in 4 years ago, I asked my neighbour not to put her bin at my house (she has the right to pass through, but not to store the bin), this upsetted her a lot - a bad start for me.
I was with my partner for the first 2 years, then she left me and moved out, I have been sad and I didnt go to my garden anymore. My garden now has overgrown weeds, this probably upset my neighbours...
Neighbour took my Amazon parcel (I was out) and left it at my door side, it rained afternoon and the parcel was all wet and destroyed. I didn't complain.
To amend the bad relationship with her, I left a note wishing her Merry Christmas and Happy New Year with a box of Ferrero Rocher chocolate for her on last year Christmas.

I register a new account for privacy, avoid more complication with neighbour if she is at this forum also...
but being a new account, I cannot post photo, which I cannot share the letter...

KinderScout2019

I need help on below:
I remove my emotion and state only the fact. I have no intention to fight and I am happy to reduce the noise, but I am also badly threatened by the message, dare not to make any noise at all, I cannot sleep last night and feel very uncomfortable at my home now. So turn to fellow MSE members for advice.

I am helpless, I would be grateful if you can offer some advices to deal with this.
I will avoid making any noise now. Do I need to reply her? Or, just keep the volume down and move on with life, no need to reply at all.
Judging from her letter, I doubt I can have any peaceful talk with her at all.

KinderScout2019

I register a new account for privacy, avoid more complication with neighbour if she is at this forum also...
but being a new account, I cannot post photo, which I cannot share the letter...

System

If your neighbours do not like noise and activity, they should move to the countryside and live in a field far away from any neighbours. If one lives in a town or city, one cannot have it both ways, unless one is very rich.

KinderScout2019

Background
I am an Asian migrate but have been living in UK >5 years, so I may have culture different sometimes but I avoid making any problem.
I have been staying at this house >4 years. When I first move in 4 years ago, I asked my neighbour not to put her bin at my house (she has the right to pass through, but not to store the bin), this upsetted her a lot - a bad start for me.
I was with my partner for the first 2 years, then she left me and moved out, I have been sad and I didnt go to my garden anymore. My garden now has overgrown weeds, this probably upset my neighbours...
Neighbour took my Amazon parcel (I was out) and left it at my door side, it rained afternoon and the parcel was all wet and destroyed. I didn't complain.
To amend the bad relationship with her, I left a note wishing her Merry Christmas and Happy New Year with a box of Ferrero Rocher chocolate for her on last year Christmas.

KinderScout2019

I need help on below:
I remove my emotion and state only the fact. I have no intention to fight and I am happy to reduce the noise, but I am also badly threatened by the message, dare not to make any noise at all, I cannot sleep last night and feel very uncomfortable at my home now. So turn to fellow MSE members for advice.

I am helpless, I would be grateful if you can offer some advices to deal with this.

KinderScout2019

this is the letter
https: //i.ibb.co/c2GLCwR/page1.jpg
https: //i.ibb.co/r5cbvDj/page2.jpg

elsien

How much do you have to do with her normally - do you say hello in passing, have a chat over the fence, or do you generally ignore each other?

The balance is to work out what is reasonable and what isn't. There will always be some noise going through, and it's not reasonable to expect you to tiptoe round just in case. How much can you hear from her house?
I can hear my neighbours phone ring, their child crying, them laughing but I don't complain because it's everyday noise and to be expected. I do complain when their music is loud and I can't hear my TV.

I would suggest soaking to your neighbour in person first. Nice and polite, find out what and when the issues are, then decide what/if you're going to do about it. So you could agree to use headphones after 11(for example) but say that the phone is your normal speaking voice and there's nothing you can do about it. Does depend on the tone of the letter though.
To some English people, some other languages and speech styles can sound more forceful - maybe your neighbour is misinterpreting that when you're on the phone. That's her issue, not yours, and you don't have to start whispering.

You need to use an image hosting site for photos. As a new user you can't post links but put up a broken link and someone can post it for you. Take out any identifying information.

Doozergirl

https://i.ibb.co/c2GLCwR/page1.jpg
https://i.ibb.co/r5cbvDj/page2.jpg

Your neighbour is rude if this is first you've heard from her.

If yoh're not doing anything wrong then environmental health will know it. TV noise and talking on the phone isn't a problem. You are not being anti social.

I have a neighbour who loves to phone the council about us. My husband is on first name terms with the officer and the officer has told us he won't be bothering us anymore even if the neighbour continues to complain. He just likes to complain. Burning garden waste outside on a rainy day? He complains. The dogs go out for a wee and bark? He complains. Building work? He complains to planning.

Do what you can to be quieter after bedtimes now that you know and be polite to her. But you don't have to be silent. She may not hear other neighbours but it genuinely might be the case that there's a gap between your properties or a lack of insulation, which isn't your fault.

I'm sorry you've clearly been distressed by the letter.

KinderScout2019

elsien wrote: »

How much do you have to do with her normally - do you say hello in passing, have a chat over the fence, or do you generally ignore each other?

The balance is to work out what is reasonable and what isn't. There will always be some noise going through, and it's not reasonable to expect you to tiptoe round just in case. How much can you hear from her house?
I can hear my neighbours phone ring, their child crying, them laughing but I don't complain because it's everyday noise and to be expected. I do complain when their music is loud and I can't hear my TV.

I would suggest soaking to your neighbour in person first. Nice and polite, find out what and when the issues are, then decide what/if you're going to do about it. So you could agree to use headphones after 11(for example) but say that the phone is your normal speaking voice and there's nothing you can do about it. Does depend on the tone of the letter though.
To some English people, some other languages and speech styles can sound more forceful - maybe your neighbour is misinterpreting that when you're on the phone. That's her issue, not yours, and you don't have to start whispering.

You need to use an image hosting site for photos. As a new user you can't post links but put up a broken link and someone can post it for you. Take out any identifying information.

this is the letter
https: //i.ibb.co/c2GLCwR/page1.jpg
https: //i.ibb.co/r5cbvDj/page2.jpg

most of the times we just ignore each other. I sometimes greet "Good morning" to her.
Judging from her letter, I doubt I can have any peaceful talk with her at all.

KinderScout2019

Doozergirl wrote: »

Your neighbour is rude if this is first you've heard from her.

If yoh're not doing anything wrong then environmental health will know it. TV noise and talking on the phone isn't a problem. You are not being anti social.

I have a neighbour who loves to phone the council about us. My husband is on first name terms with the officer and the officer has told us he won't be bothering us anymore even if the neighbour continues to complain. He just likes to complain. Burning garden waste outside on a rainy day? He complains. The dogs go out for a wee and bark? He complains. Building work? He complains to planning.

Do what you can to be quieter after bedtimes now that you know and be polite to her. But you don't have to be silent. She may not hear other neighbours but it genuinely might be the case that there's a gap between your properties or a lack of insulation, which isn't your fault.

I'm sorry you've clearly been distressed by the letter.

Yes, this is the first message...
I am happy to reduce sound volume, but I am indeed distressed by the message, which make me stressed and uncomfortable at house now...