Complaint from next door neighbour

pmlindyloo

I think you should reply to her letter. Ignoring it may well make her more angry.

Apologise and say that you are sorry that you have caused this distress. Say that you will make sure you will try to reduce the noise and ask that she speaks to you if there are any problems.

As an aside it may be a good idea to start clearing up your garden if it is very overgrown!

KinderScout2019

warby68 wrote: »

Resorting to angry letters without ever having a polite chat is not good but I agree with the other poster that it sounds like someone who has left something to build up and now has little sense of proportion.

I'd still knock on the door and attempt a friendly chat. You clearly don't want to be a nuisance and are willing to adapt and would probably have done so ages ago if you knew . Hopefully you can clear the air but even if it doesn't go brilliantly well, you will know whether she is a reasonable person and also know better in your own mind how much effort you want to make.

Probably working on 10pm-7am as quieter times is good. Midnight is on the late side and your perfectly normal noise will be exaggerated when everything else is quiet.

You have hinted that you have let the garden become overgrown. Whilst its your choice, if a neighbour is 'letting the side down' and making the area look scruffy when they don't, that can cause quite a bit of ill feeling.

From my previous experience, I don't think she want to talk to me at all.
I would reduce the volume and noise certainly.
I am thinking do I need to reply a message at all? or just move on with my life?

Robin9

pmlindyloo wrote: »

I think you should reply to her letter. Ignoring it may well make her more angry.

Apologise and say that you are sorry that you have caused this distress. Say that you will make sure you will try to reduce the noise and ask that she speaks to you if there are any problems.

As an aside it may be a good idea to start clearing up your garden if it is very overgrown!

I agree - from her letter it would seem that she is bringing up a disabled daughter - perhaps she has had some bad news in that respect.

And do tidy up your garden - that's being a good neighbour.

KinderScout2019

pmlindyloo wrote: »

I think you should reply to her letter. Ignoring it may well make her more angry.

Apologise and say that you are sorry that you have caused this distress. Say that you will make sure you will try to reduce the noise and ask that she speaks to you if there are any problems.

As an aside it may be a good idea to start clearing up your garden if it is very overgrown!

I think talking to her will cause even more problem.
I agree to reply an apologize message, my concern is, this action may encourage her to send more upsetting message or encourage her to shout at me since I apologized.
Honestly, all I want is to move on with my life. sorry that I had caused problem (I didnt know this), but since I know now, I am happy to avoid this, but I didn't want to encourage more problems. My life has been upside down since my partner left me.

I had been trying to fix the garden (spray vinegar to kill the weeds), but it will take a lot of efforts and times. I doubt this can be fixed in anytime soon.

onwards&upwards

I would respond with something like this.

Dear neighbour,

I am sorry that you have been bothered by noise and I am very sorry that you felt you had to write this letter rather than coming to speak with me. I assure I have never intended to deliberately cause annoyance and I did not think I was making any excessive noise.

However I will now be mindful of your concerns and will try to reduce the sounds you and your daughter can hear.

Thank you,

Kinderscout2019

If you want to watch YouTube till late, get some headphones!

elsien

.... reduce the sounds you and your daughter can hear at night, hearing in mind that there will always be some day to day nouses that are part and parcel of living in attached properties.

KinderScout2019

onwards&upwards wrote: »

I would respond with something like this.

Dear neighbour,

I am sorry that you have been bothered by noise and I am very sorry that you felt you had to write this letter rather than coming to speak with me. I assure I have never intended to deliberately cause annoyance and I did not think I was making any excessive noise.

However I will now be mindful of your concerns and will try to reduce the sounds you and your daughter can hear.

Thank you,

Kinderscout2019

Thanks a lot!!! appreciate a lot!!!

If you want to watch YouTube till late, get some headphones!

Totally agree.
The problem was because my perception on "late" was mid night, so I will definitely kill the noise before midnight. Anyway, knowing 10pm is late at UK, I will use use a headphone from 10pm. I totally agree

shortcrust

My take on this is keep things fairly quiet from 10pm and very quiet from 11pm. Don’t vacuum or do DIY after 9pm. Other than that, if all you're doing is the stuff of daily life (i.e. TV at a moderate volume, phone calls at a conversational volume) if people have a problem then it’s their problem, not yours. I can hear every word my neighbour says when she’s on the phone. It drives me mad, but the solutions I think about are stuff like getting the wall sound proofed, not demanding that she whispers and tip toes.

It’s a rude letter and it doesn’t deserve a reply, and certainly not an apology. If she thinks a rude letter has been effective then all you’ve done is show her that being rude to you works. It’ll happen again and again. Personally I’d ignore it and make her deal with me face to face if she wants to. My very calm and politely delivered line would be “The walls are thin and I can understand how that might cause problems for you but I’m not doing anything wrong. Feel free to involve the council or the police if you want to. I’ll be happy to cooperate with them in any way I can.” If I were feeling really mischievous I might print off some details of local sound proofing companies.

Oh, and if you want to sort the garden then sort it. If you’re not bothered then leave it. It’s yours to do with as you please.

KinderScout2019

shortcrust wrote: »

If she thinks a rude letter has been effective then all you’ve done is show her that being rude to you works. It’ll happen again and again.

Yes, this is exactly my concern.
I am happy to fix the problem, I didn't want to encourage this rude behaviour, and cause endless problems later

onwards&upwards

KinderScout2019 wrote: »

Yes, this is exactly my concern.
I am happy to fix the problem, I didn't want to encourage this rude behaviour, and cause endless problems later

You aren’t, you are rising above it and showing yourself to be approachable and polite by responding calmly. You don’t have to be a martyr but getting confrontational won’t help at all.

The letter wasn’t that bad, and as she’s bringing up a disabled child i’d Cut some slack, she’ll have a lot of stress in her life and that makes people overreact.