Aspergers/ASD support thread

PasturesNew

Carrera74 wrote: »

He had tried to leave class after throwing things about

Ha ha, been there. Done that. I was about 10 and the teacher annoyed me so much I tried throwing furniture at her

Also, aged about 15 I was ordered to clean up a table in the dining hall that wasn't a mess I had made. I'd joined my sister and her friends and they were sitting there already. And we were asked to leave as we were being a bit noisy. As I was the oldest I was ordered to clear the table. Which is unfair so I walked out.

The sports teacher had ordered me to clean up - and the Head of Middle School (well over 6' copper) had ordered me out of the dining hall as I walked away. As I went out the door one shouted to the other that I had to clear up the mess and they rushed out, grabbed me and chucked me against the wall.

I went mad. Took them both out. Then panicked and ran home. Got home and thought "damn you're in trouble now" and the phone rang. It was the Headmaster asking me to come back. So I did as I didn't want to be in trouble.

When mum found out, I was in trouble for going back as they'd started it. I am only 5' too. And they were both well over 6' and could handle themselves.

Then the school tried to suspend me unless my parents signed a declaration I'd behave. Which mum wouldn't as she said she wasn't prepared to sign something that she had no control over as she wasn't there. But, my mum believed my version of the events - and she called their bluff and pointed out that I hadn't started it.

So there was no suspension for me.

Things were different back then. Teachers could batter you and they did.

The thing is, I am not violent. I just reacted to being cornered and chucked against a wall behind the dining hall.

But that was a story about rubbish teachers/schools. That altercation wasn't to do with Aspergers.

samf1971

PasturesNew wrote: »

Please don't mock people who like to be precise.



It hurts.

This is one area that I have felt confused over. When I correct things/people/details. In correcting, it makes me feel useful, helpful, part of something (some team spirit). When correcting people is then knocked back it hurts. And when people say that precision isn't important, that is confusing. To me, being precise, exact, correct, most accurate is very important. I feel that without accuracy how can I (anybody) know the situation, the story. Inaccuracies lead to confusion and errors. It's REALLY important.

When I correct something and am knocked back, it's something that makes me want to run and be alone. I don't understand why I was knocked back when I was trying to be helpful.

So remember that people. Accuracy can be a very important and essential thing to Aspies.

I have to stop now, I am tying myself in knots over this out of the frustration at not feeling I am conveying the importance of this.

I don't think there was any mockery intended. Sometimes you have to have a laugh and a joke about how ASD affects you & your family because if you didn't have a laugh you would spend a lot of time crying

samf1971

The house looked lovely BM is there no way the agents would consider you - I've heard sometimes they will overlook a non too perfect credit history if you have a guarantor or perhaps pay a larger deposit (I know that's not always possible) Perhaps you could get some help with funding a privately rented house, there are a number of grants etc available.

I know how difficult it is when you rent. We rent privately too and at the minute don't go through an agent, we found our house through gumtree and rent it direct from the landlady - would that be a help perhaps?

It is hard as I know we're safe in this house until 2009 but then the landlady wants to sell so we will have to move then, hopefully by then I will have DS in a routine of help & possibly nursery so I don't want to move far but the rents around here (Leeds) can be high and to be honest, looking at the council's website of houses there's not one that I'd want to accept even if we were offered.

Anyway (((hugs))) and good luck

Savvy_Sue

samf1971 wrote: »

I don't think there was any mockery intended. Sometimes you have to have a laugh and a joke about how ASD affects you & your family because if you didn't have a laugh you would spend a lot of time crying

thank you Sam, you've explained my intention very well ...

I am sorry PN, I did not mean to upset or offend you, and certainly not to mock you or the child who said this. Thing is, to most of us, sometimes precision matters, and sometimes it doesn't. Most parents would feel that at 4.23 am the PRECISE time is unimportant, because it's still "the middle of the night", when we are not at our best. Of course I realise that if you went to bed at midnight and planned to get up at 6 am it would be "nearly morning". And, if you're up and hungry, it must be time for food!

Most people aren't as precise as they should be. One thing which mercifully DS1 HAS learned is that 'a minute' is not a precise measure of time unless used in science. Although when he was younger I learned to say I would do what he wanted "when I've finished my cup of tea" rather than "in a minute", because you can see whether a cup of tea is finished or not, even if you're too young to see that a minute has passed, or old enough to know that it HAS passed and mum is still not doing what she said she'd do. I developed a taste for cold tea round about that time as well, knowing that the minute I swallowed the last mouthful I would be dragged to my feet! :rotfl:

Savvy_Sue

Something I heard on the radio this morning MAY help some parents.

It was a snippet of that Harvey Jones chap who's just died: when he was doing "The Trouble-Shooter" programmes on TV, he went to Morgan, and said something like "This place is the most conservative company I've ever been in, and I've never known people as frightened of the slightest change as I've met here, as if you'd lose 'the magic' if the slightest thing altered. So, you might as well go for radical change, because that way, you're going to be shocked, but you're only shocked once."

So, this is just a suggestion, if something's GOT to change and you're worried about how your dear child will cope, maybe just go for broke and do it on as large a scale as you can manage.

I'm not making a lot of sense here, but for example, we moved house when DS1 was between years 7 and 8 to a completely different part of the country. I really worried how he'd cope, but actually he was fine. And it occurs to me now, maybe he coped better because we'd moved house as well as school. Yes, we had our moments, but perhaps because NOTHING was the same it was easier to adapt, rather than if we'd JUST moved house, or JUST moved him to a different school.

I am NOT saying you should all aim to move house, move schools, have a baby, split up with your current partners and move a new one in all in the same month, BUT just suggesting something to consider: whereas with non-Aspie children the advice is always NOT eg to potty train at the same time as the stress of moving house, with an Aspie child you MIGHT be able to say "When we move to the new house we will get you a new potty and you will do your wees and poos in that."

This is, as ever, only a thought, and you'll know your own child and what you think you can all cope with ...

blue_monkey_2

Hi Sam,

No, we've tried all of those routes, don't have the money to put a large deposit down without getting deep into the red with our OD and then we know we would be in them forever and I don't want to get into that as well. I just wanted to make sure everything is covered, I am sending a letter to the council and explaining that we would like to be considered for x, y, z, but we will take whatever there is to be honest, it just means if they have all our info and if we get 25 medical points for Ryan (this is the 2nd of 3 tiers) we will then have enough to be housed without it coming to temporary accomodation. Just have to keep on top of it really.

We are in the middle for Gumtree there is Cambridge, Essex (which seems to be more the south of Essex than the North) and London but we are in the middle of all of these and there is nothing for around here. Fish4Homes used to be quite good but now it's just full of house shares. We live near the airport town as well so most of the houses tend to be rented as rooms as they know the cabin crew need them and then it means there is not so much available, the other side is the rents on the other places are huge and the houses luxurious for (maybe) pilots and the city dealers as god knows who pays this much money on rent:
http://www.primelocation.com/uk-property-to-rent/details/id/MUPM999001924/ And this is middle of the range!! I saw one for 3k and one for 5k a MONTH yesterday <shakes head>

I will just take each day as it comes, I just want to mak sure we get the right points as the council are a little shady in getting the points but I am sending the letter tomorrow pointing out what their website says and what they have given me is wrong so I take it that it wil be amended and I will be notified. I *should* have 98 points, they have me on 73, plus we *should* get 25 for Ryan that gives us enough. however, they might decide to give me none for Ryan and then we have to get help from people who know and can fight their descision!! We shall see!!

PasturesNew

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

I am sorry PN, I did not mean to upset or offend you

It's OK, you didn't. I just said.
I have been used to feeling hurt by what others have said ... and scuttling off never to try again. Which is what tends to happen when I try to speak with people/make friends.



But now I am learning that I am just receiving some messages wrongly.

blue_monkey_2

That is a good thought Sue, it's given me something to think about right now as well. Thanks for sharing that.

Snaggles

I had to smile about your post about 'a minute' Savvy-Sue. I am (slowly) learning not to say 'in a second', 'in a minute', etc, because Ryan will actually time me, and tell me when the second or the minute is up.

I also have to remember not to say 'two or three' as in 'would you like two or three of these sweets', because he always responds with 'I choose three', because he literally thinks I am asking him to make a choice between two sweets or three sweets.

He had a good day at school on Tuesday, but not very good yesterday, so we will see what today brings.

One thing that is annoying me though is that the school has brought in a behavioural policy, where they get a system of warnings and sanctions:

1 warning - no action taken
2 warnings - 5 minutes away from the class
3 warnings - rest of lesson away from class
4 warnings - rest of session away from class
5 warnings - a phone call home is made to discuss behaviour with parent

But 3 times in the last few weeks, they have broken their own rules. Ryan was put straight onto 3 warnings for messing around during reading time, and then twice this week he has had a second warning, but NOT been given the 5 minutes time out, and on both occasions has then gone on to get a third warning (and it makes me wonder if he might not have gone on to get more warnings if they had just imposed the 5 minute time out).

If they can't stick to their own rules, how on earth can they expect the children to??

webitha

just a quick hi from me been ordered over here by blue monkey
dont know what to say yet til ive had a read, DS has ADHA wit austistic tendencies
i will post more later