Aspergers/ASD support thread

Savvy_Sue

blue_monkey wrote: »

Evening everyone, I hope everyone is ok, DD not to bad now but went to bed crying with a sore bottom as she 'could not sit or lie down' bless her. I put some sudocream on her - boy did she scream. you have to be cruel to be kind thoug, gave her some Calpol so she can get off to sleep. Fingers crossed she will be OK tomorrow (gave her the sick bucket in case that started too, can't be too careful with that Novo Virus going around).

If DD bottom still sore tomorrow, you could smear Vaseline around it, and also use a smidgeon of it on loo paper before wiping: I find it helps! (don't ask ...) It doesn't sting like Sudocrem, I don't think, not that I've had any Sudocrem in the house for a few years!

blue_monkey wrote: »

I have a question about 'fake crying'. Does that make sense, I think I am more aware of things these days and Ryan refused to go into Tesco today but I managed to get him in but he does this 'fake cry' that is like a one tone moan with breaks in. Does that make sense? He does it all the time rather than proper crying. Is this something I should worry about or do all kids do it (DD doesn't do it unless she is messing around). It's just weird. People staring at me all around the supermarket because of the noise he makes, I really do hate going but when you've got to eat I suppose you have to go!! I also find when he talks to people he gets real close - in your face close, how can I stop him doing this? Any ideas at all?

I think this kind of noise is 'NFA' (Normal for AS) at any rate. As for the getting close when he talks to people, I think that is something you have to try and train him out of: can you gently hold him at arm's length and say "darling, I can understand you better when you are this far away, when you get too close it is hard to listen to you for long."

Cautionary tale: I know another adult with AS, although I'm not sure he knew what it was, he knew he wasn't like other people. He would stand uncomfortably close to people, and as he was very tall and quite well built this could feel a tad threatening! I don't know if someone told him that standing too close to people made them feel threatened, but he started asking "Am I standing too close to you? Do I make you feel uncomfortable when I stand this close?" But it wasn't enough to answer "YES!" to both of those: you had to say "Yes, you are, and you do make me feel uncomfortable, please move further away." Eventually he started asking if you would like him to move further away. He would then shuffle a few centimetres at a time, asking "Is this OK? Is this far enough yet? Are you feeling less uncomfortable yet?"

Now, I don't know how long he'd been doing this standing too close thing, but I can't help feeling that if only someone had 'taught' him not to stand too close, life would have been a lot simpler for him! Not to mention any ladies in his life ...

He's now happily married with children, at least one of whom also has AS.

blue_monkey_2

Vaseline, ah yes, that is a good idea, I was trying to think about what would be the best thing, bless her she was crying, I have loads of it from when I had the kids I was a bit entusiatick in buying it for hospital and only used it once, LOL.

Thanks Sue, Hmmm... I did wonder, I find myself watching other peoples kids when we go places, we went to Toys R Us today (I was brave but I only took Ryan!) and I was in the queue to pay and another couple in front of us with a boy of the same age and Ryan started chasing the boy and he tapped it on the head (I was watching it really was a tap, not a hit, I can tell) and I heard the mum say 'arh, they are running together' and then the dad say 'He's just hit him on the head'. I have to confess I turned away and prentended not to have heard or seen - I really still don't know how to deal with these situations, it is so hard and I guess easier to ignore because this was friendly behaviour for him but others don't see it this way. Am I just supposed sorry but he has..... what do you say? What do you call it, do I say he is just being friendly even when others do not see it this way? I guess I've a lot to come yet.

Sue, please can I ask if there were any clubs that your son liked to do, you know, in the way of after school clubs. Were you ever able to go and leave him to do these clubs, would you explain your son's problems and then go? He is getting to the age where he is going to need to do something else but I am not sure what to do for the best, do you have any ideas or suggestions?

I took Ryan out the other day, just to the shops and left Mya here with her dad and when we left she turned to her dad and said 'it's nice without Ryan being here isn;t it'. That made me feel sad that she feels like this, I have to find some after school clubs so I can make life better for her as well but we are just stuck in limbo with not knowing where we are going to be this time next month.

PS. Just watching Shallow Hal, have not seen it for ages and I love it so much. It made me fall in love with Jack Black!!

blue_monkey_2

Oh yes, thanks for the advice also about getting him to stay at arms length, I will start giving that a try too. I think he just likes being close to people but others do not see it this way - again, it is social skills that need addressing. he will also talk over other people that are talking, so if I was having a conversation with someone he would stand in the middle and speak louder about something different that he likes, I guess this is another AS thing, I think although we are going for ADHD I will mention these things as maybe there is something else as well as. this is why I initially thought Aspergers but I find myself doubting myself, I know I have a lot more of this to come

Hope everyone else is having a good weekend.

Js_Other_Half

If and when Ryan is properly diagnosed you may find more activities etc which are set up for kids with difficulties. My council now runs an after school club for children with disabilities - education tranport takes the child there, but the parents have to pick them up.

Js_Other_Half

I've worked with teenagers with autism (and learning difficulties )in the past, and I have used a variety of tactics to try and help with the standing too close behaviour. Asking them to stand a little way back, cos they're now 'big' and not babies was always appreciated - they liked being called grown up.
I also used to use a similar tactic to Savvy Sue - explaining I could hear/understand them much better when they were slightly further away.

I also took the opportunity when I could to notice they were standing slightly futher away and praise them for being 'so grown up these days'...:D

Ellie2758

I wish there was a way to get thro to my daughter (aged 19 - aspergers/ocd/adhd) that I really CANNOT cope with her going on and on and on at me at 11pm at night. I warned her over and over to stop. I almost ended up throwing something at her. Help!

Ellie2758

boltonangel wrote: »

sorry to jump into this thread, but i just wanted to say thanks to OP.
i remember reading this thread before xmas and reading about obtaining birth notes. i wasn't aware you could do it and after having a few unanswered q's about my DS's birth and treatment afterwards i wanted answers (i am pregnant again and don't want it to happen this time). anyway, yesterday i went to check my notes at the hospital (£10 fee) and was interested in what i read, plusit has put my mind at rest, so thanks. x

I wish I'd done this after my son was born. It was a horrible experience and took me ages to recover from it mentally. He is 16 now.

blue_monkey_2

Hi Ellie,

((((hugs)))) I am not going to be of much help because I am a new AS mum here. If my son is going on I tend to walk out of the door and just stand outside and get some fresh air, can you do this with her? I am not sure how to deal with older children as mine are little but someone will be able to help you more soon. Have a hug though from me and I hope that helps (stupid thought it sounds I guess). How are things generally with her? I am off to bed as DS is up early doing his rat stuff (Rats name is now Henry btw guys) on the bed so I am up early, but I hope someone can come along and give you better information than my little supportive hugs.

BM xx

Ellie2758

blue_monkey wrote: »

Hi Ellie,

((((hugs)))) I am not going to be of much help because I am a new AS mum here. If my son is going on I tend to walk out of the door and just stand outside and get some fresh air, can you do this with her? I am not sure how to deal with older children as mine are little but someone will be able to help you more soon. Have a hug though from me and I hope that helps (stupid thought it sounds I guess). How are things generally with her? I am off to bed as DS is up early doing his rat stuff (Rats name is now Henry btw guys) on the bed so I am up early, but I hope someone can come along and give you better information than my little supportive hugs.

BM xx

Thanks BM, the hug is much appreciated. Yes, I SHOULD have left the room,but she will follow me or start again later on. I am SO TIRED and getting menopausal and I just feel SO ANGRY when she starts going on and on and on. I really should learn to control my temper but it is getting increasingly difficult to do so I find. You would think that living with it for all these years it would be easier wouldnt you? SIGH.

MyUserNamesTaken

Ellie2758 wrote: »

I wish there was a way to get thro to my daughter (aged 19 - aspergers/ocd/adhd) that I really CANNOT cope with her going on and on and on at me at 11pm at night. I warned her over and over to stop. I almost ended up throwing something at her. Help!

12:10am and I've only just managed to get my lad into bed...and he's still talking at me. He's hyper right now and won't sleep. He'll be up again in about 5 hours, if i'm lucky...if not, it will be 4 hours....:|