Aspergers/ASD support thread

Bitsy_Beans

Hello, I don't post on here very often but I wondered if I could pick your brains?
My son is 5 next week and over the last couple of months is obsessed with being first in everything or "winning" at everything (in his eyes at least). I've just had him have a huge meltdown after Forest Schools because the kids get to race accross some playing fields on the way there and back and because we weren't at the front and first he had a hissy fit (and thereby pushed up his stress levels so that getting changed afterwards and me going home was a huge crying fit). Even eating meals he's saying to his sister "I'm beating you". Even walking down the stairs he's busting a gut to try and be infront.
Now I am assuming this is part of his ASD in terms of predictability and perfectionism but I am at a loss how to get past this "being first" issue. He can't always be first (indeed neither the school or we at home indulge him in this) but it's still something he goes on about a great deal. I've tried explaining he can't always be first or that everything is a race to no avail.

Any suggestions or do we just have to ride the storm when it happens?

sock-knitter

hi bitsy beans, i too would be interested in replies, i have 15 year old twins, who still like to be first at everything, so when they are together there is a lot of argueing, and pushing and shoving each other to get anywhere first.
at xmas they never read gift tags, they just rip all the paper off in an attempt to come first
sometimes we are silly and have slow races, to see who can come last, but that isnt often successful ad they still both fight to win

Bitsy_Beans

sock-knitter wrote: »

hi bitsy beans, i too would be interested in replies, i have 15 year old twins, who still like to be first at everything, so when they are together there is a lot of argueing, and pushing and shoving each other to get anywhere first.
at xmas they never read gift tags, they just rip all the paper off in an attempt to come first
sometimes we are silly and have slow races, to see who can come last, but that isnt often successful ad they still both fight to win

Well we tried giving everyone a number each day so sometimes DS would be number 1 other days he'd be number 3 etc but TBH it just seems to intensify his need to race all the time <rollseyes>

Indie_Kid

Do professionals (paediatrics, etc) help with that kind of issue?

wornoutmumoftwo

Bitsy and Socks you have just described my 8 year old son. He's had problems with wanting to be first since nursery school and line leaders.
He goes to special school part time and they do a lot of games (where all six boys want to win), slowly he is accepting he can't always be first, but we have good days and not so good.

He understands he can't be first but can't always put this knowledge into practice. I have put him in many social clubs (beavers/sally army), in the hope he will learn from the more mainstream children. Sometimes he's alright, other times he kicks off.

Maybe a social story? Though I don't know how effective this would be.

I know the special school high five the children who don't win, (and they respond to this but it's taken time to put this in place at the school and does NOT work at home).

Sorry, keep adding to this. I refuse outright to 'race', if my two want to do the "I'll be first thing'. To avoid arguments before I'll say things like "First two boys to..." (helps a little).

And I'm always telling them I was last at everything, and make a real fuss if they come second/third etc etc even do that first the worst, second the best...

julie03

my son has to be perfect at everything but he told me today the 2 witches behind his school put spells on him and make him naughty, he really hates losing and makes up these fantastical stories where he is in charge of everything, this world was living in his head but everyone in it has now moved to paris and they are all living in a castle and apparently when it rains its him that makes it happen as he is in charge of the clouds.

these little fantasies make him feel better about himself as he is in charge, always right and is best at everything,

seven-day-weekend

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

UPDATE: My son has an interview for Morrisons on Saturday. Still part-time, but 16 hours instead of 8. He has applied for FOUR jobs, all are 16 hours. One is a maternity leave, Ithink all the others are permanent. Two are for checkout and two in the chiller department. He will be able to get there on his bike by road or canal towpath, or on the bus (get on it round the corner and off it outside Morrisons ).

Please pray, meditate, hold in thoughts, cross fingers, swing from chandeliers or whatever you do, for him on Saturday!

Just to update, his interview last Saturday went well and the interviewer mentioned to him a job that had not been advertised as one of Morrisons' bakers, which he said he would consider.

Heard today that they have taken up references.

Please, PLEASE keep him in thoughts and prayers!


UPDATE on 27th September: Heard today that he is going to be offered a job.:):T:j

UPDATE AGAIN on 3rd October: He has started at Morrisons today for his induction. :T:T

You don't know how pleased we all are that he is not going to join the ranks of the unemployed. It was nearly three years last time.

I really feel for all those losing their jobs at this time, especially those with problems such as AS.

Nicolas01

Autism and asperger is a life-long developmental disability that affects social and communication skills. People with Aspergers syndrome share many of the same characteristics as people with autism. Dealing with these patients is very difficult; provide them with good moral support by giving proper care and affection to make them live happily in their life.

blessings3

This is a major misunderstanding with allot of professionals - The 'lack of imagination' does not mean lack of 'imaginative play' more lack of empathy and the ability to 'imagine' how other people might feel.

Want_to_be_free

I am not so sure why I am writing here but it seems like people come up here with all sorts.
I have a teenage son with AS and ADHD
I love him more than life itself but I cannot cope with him alone any more. I am a working mum with a very stressful job. I am single and no family to help me with my son. Since the death of my partner my son got more and more aggressive towards me. Before that he was very difficult but somehow I or we managed him maybe not so successfully but I loved him and tried to give him what he needed.
Things are now so bad that he no longer lives with me. He is looked after by foster family where he seems to be settled well. But my heart is in pieces. I have only one child and he hates me so much and I don’t even know why? Our life was not easy, I was not able to give him a stable environment for a long time but when I provided what I could, nothing was enough for him. He wants more and more and I cannot give what he wants financially and now emotionally.
I had been having him certain days since he went to foster care and each day I would give my full attention to him and try to do some structured outing etc..
However I started to think that he only comes to those because he has some kind of gain, rather then he wants to spend time with me. As usual, when he cannot get what he wants or receives an answer as ‘No’ he gets aggressive towards me. When he gets angry with others, again his anger will be towards me and I cannot tolerate his behaviour. I am not able to cope with this behaviour or constant arguments. He is always right and I am the reason for every single bad thing that happened to him.
We have constant struggle and he thinks how he treats me is ok, he call me names, swears at me or even hit me like he did last Saturday, to him this is normal behaviour. He can do it at anywhere, at any time and in front of anybody. This is not normal behaviour even though he is a teenager.
I tried to get therapy for him, and also therapy for us as a family. But Social services somehow reluctant. Nothing is getting better but actually and truly getting worst. If I had the means of arranging the family therapy myself, I would do it this second. But I am stuck in a financial situation that I cannot afford main things never mind the therapy. Our surgery is not providing that kind of treatments either.
I want my child back home but I cannot have him until he is somehow behaving differently towards me.
I could take him out of the system because he is section 20 meaning because I am not well, I voluntarily let him go to care. I hate myself for doing so but when he is with me, I am afraid I will go so desperate and hurt myself out of frustration because I won’t ever hurt him.. I am so ashamed and not sure what to do.