Aspergers/ASD support thread

esmf73

My eldest is in much the same situation, all I can give you is huge hugs and an offer to PM me at anytime. I would be on the phone to the LEA every day, and finding out about the Governors and their next meetings etc. Is there another school that you could consider transferring to when you have the statement?

ailuro2

I'm speaking from the other side of the problem.

DD had a big bruise on her arm on the second last day of term, she hadn't told me that the "naughty child" had punched her and given her a dead arm, as she knew the school would do absolutely nothing about it apart from exclude him for a day or two.

It's not the first time this kid has been violent, but previously it was the boys he was going around thumping.

I went up to the school and was told there wasn't much they could do because my DD hadn't spoken up at the time of the incident. I always tell her to speak up and get any problem sorted more quickly, but I can't blame her for not saying anything when she sees nothing being done about the boy.

My argument is, if he is violent and disruptive (either because of an undiagnosed condition or because he's just that way inclined) he should be in a school where they know how to deal with him instead of one that says the boy isn't "bad" just hasn't learned how to behave properly yet. That indicates they aren't taking the problem seriously.
The kids in the class are 11yo, so I expect he should have realised by now that it's wrong to hit people for no reason...

So, I have told DD and the head teacher and DHT of her school that if anything else happens I will be going straight to the police and pressing for assault charges and bypassing them.

If the school, the mother and the local authority can't get their act together then I will do whatever I can to protect my OWN child.

She is what comes first in our household.


You'll be reading all this and thinking I'm one of the parents who wouldn't talk to you at the school gate, and thinking I'm casting you out, but if you look at it calmly it's only human nature to look after one's own offspring, and that's exactly what you are doing too - but you need to work out how to access the support your son needs more quickly before he breaks any more bones...

You mentioned taking him out of school till he was assessed. I would do that and home school him as you seem to be more able to cope with him than the school. One on one tutoring from you might mean he can catch up a bit with his age level too instead of helping out in a smaller kids class ( I hope you can see why the smaller kids parents were worried...)

Good Luck, keep pestering the LEA till you get somewhere, as this is a miserable situation for everyone involved.

System

grey_lady wrote: »

Good grief, your son may have broken someones arm and your blaming the school, the teachers, everyone bar yourself and him?

you are missing the point ,if he has clear SEN and school arent helping what do you think the outcome is likely to be ?

op get parent partnership involved they were a god send when we needed them,in our case the lady was in the same building as the sen authority and rang them while i was there to seek an opinion.

System

milliebear00001 wrote: »

The school is right (to put it bluntly) that your son will get !!!!!! all help until he gets a statement.

Obviously, your main concen is for your son, but look at it this way - the class teacher and the school have a duty of care to 29 other children in his class. He has endangered them by throwing a chair - that is extremely serious and puts the school in a very difficult situation.

thats a typical school response ! if there are clear autistic traits then help can and should be provided to ease the situation.

i may have read this wrong but wasnt it another child throwing the chair around and barracading the door ?

OP you must for your own sanity contact parent partnership ,they will attend mettings and offer support until the situation is resolved.

System

ailuro2 wrote: »

I'm speaking from the other side of the problem.

DD had a big bruise on her arm on the second last day of term, she hadn't told me that the "naughty child" had punched her and given her a dead arm, as she knew the school would do absolutely nothing about it apart from exclude him for a day or two.

It's not the first time this kid has been violent, but previously it was the boys he was going around thumping.

I went up to the school and was told there wasn't much they could do because my DD hadn't spoken up at the time of the incident. I always tell her to speak up and get any problem sorted more quickly, but I can't blame her for not saying anything when she sees nothing being done about the boy.

My argument is, if he is violent and disruptive (either because of an undiagnosed condition or because he's just that way inclined) he should be in a school where they know how to deal with him instead of one that says the boy isn't "bad" just hasn't learned how to behave properly yet. That indicates they aren't taking the problem seriously.
The kids in the class are 11yo, so I expect he should have realised by now that it's wrong to hit people for no reason...

So, I have told DD and the head teacher and DHT of her school that if anything else happens I will be going straight to the police and pressing for assault charges and bypassing them.

If the school, the mother and the local authority can't get their act together then I will do whatever I can to protect my OWN child.

She is what comes first in our household.


You'll be reading all this and thinking I'm one of the parents who wouldn't talk to you at the school gate, and thinking I'm casting you out, but if you look at it calmly it's only human nature to look after one's own offspring, and that's exactly what you are doing too - but you need to work out how to access the support your son needs more quickly before he breaks any more bones...

You mentioned taking him out of school till he was assessed. I would do that and home school him as you seem to be more able to cope with him than the school. One on one tutoring from you might mean he can catch up a bit with his age level too instead of helping out in a smaller kids class ( I hope you can see why the smaller kids parents were worried...)

Good Luck, keep pestering the LEA till you get somewhere, as this is a miserable situation for everyone involved.

good luck with that ! my daughter was asaulted on school premises and the only reason i could have police involvment was because the older boy was from the comprehensive and she was in junior school and he had no reason to be there , the police told me that had they been attending the same school it would not be a police matter but a school one .he was arrested and ended up with a caution and a warning that any further contact with her would result in a court apperance.

k.o.d

CHRISSYG wrote: »

you are missing the point ,if he has clear SEN and school arent helping what do you think the outcome is likely to be ?

op get parent partnership involved they were a god send when we needed them,in our case the lady was in the same building as the sen authority and rang them while i was there to seek an opinion.

Unfortunately the likely outcome will be someone else hurt by the OP's son.
From a governor point of view, my concern i sfor the wellbeing of the WHOLE class, whilst the teachers arm may be broken there may be up to 30 other kids who are in harms way.
The LEA need to be involved ASAP, but unfortunately I would see little option but to safeguard the other childrens well-being in the interim.
Sorry if that is blunt, but I know your attention is on your child, but there is a whole class of children to protect as well.
Schools get extra funding for SEN children and most happily promote funding like this.
The school does need to get its act together and you need to work in conjunction with them for the best path forward for your child, but my concern would be for the majority.

weanie

Some interesting replies here which show concerns of people from many different perspectives [something which an ASD child will find hard to do by the way].
I feel the points to remember are that CAMHS should not and cannot diagnose and although whatever they bring to the table is part of a push for assessment, it is not an acceptable assessment for the LEA. It is also true that teachers/schools are often under pressure and if there are aspects of poor leadership/absence/challenging pupils etc, it will be hard for the school to provide all the interventions they would like to provide for this little boy and that it is also important to work alongside t he school with some trust. If this trust has broken down, a new school may be a consideration but such a move would probably not assist the move to request assessment [just slow it down]. The assessment process is a long one and if/when it is complete, there should be funding which is ring fenced for your child but it is not a definite that this funding will provide a full time TA. Schools often timetable the TAs creatively and this allows other children to benefit froom another adult in the classroom without ever weakening the support for the named child. You will have to keep thorough notes [a diary of incidents and minutes from meetings etc] and the school should be doing the same.
Make sure the GP is actively involved in this. Note the names of all persons involved so far. Create a folder of letters, notes and info. Request the Individual Education Plan from school which details planned provision and also evidence of what stage of need the school have currently put your son on. Ask for the school's Educational Psychologist to assess your son. Request meetings to discuss progress with the class teacher and try to bring home some positives for your self and your son. Flag the Ed Psych intervention request up in writing. Try not to be upset by the tutts and grimaces of other parents and be patient. You will need lots of patience.
Finally, contact the organisations already mentioned in previous posts for support regarding both the statementing process and also helpful strategies to calm or guide your son. Whether or not he acquires a diagnosis of ASD, it seems that the techniques and awareness of these issues help your son and so continue with all you have learned about the syndrome.
Keep an open mind and continue to provide a calm, loving and predicatable home routine for your son to gain confidence and comfort from when times are confusing and worrying for him. Good luck.
PS Forgot to say - you MUST establish waht stage of the code of Practice he is currently on and have a copy of his Individual Education Plan/Plans from school

ailuro2

ChrissyG, we're in Scotland, I was speaking to one of the other parents who had to resort to police involvement for bullying as her son was getting no help from the school. It worked, and the boy was charged with assault... different kid, and hopefully different circumstances, hopefully my DD will have no more strife from this other kid, tbh, my heart sank when I heard he had been put next to my DD ( she seems to be a favourite stabilising influence for teachers to put the problem kids next to) and told her to stay calm, to treat him normally and not to do anything that might upset him. She did all this and still had a navy blue bruise on her arm.:mad:

I feel the difference between OP's kid and the kid at my DD's school is that OP 's son has a good, caring family behind him trying to get some help. Sadly the LEA are letting down the OP and her son by not getting their finger out quickly enough. With the higher numbers of kids that need more help these days, their services are more stretched than ever.:(

Mandles

Peanuckle wrote: »

Rant time again :mad:


My eldest (17, ADD, Asperger's, and other physical problems) has just started a HND college course in computing, the school had been talking to the college for months prior to the summer holidays to make sure they were aware of his needs and to make sure that support would be in place. Well............ found out yesterday that not only is there no support there but no one had even told his tutors that he had Asperger's :mad:

Bless his heart, he catches the bus every morning (we did trial runs for months to get him used to the route and most of the bus drivers now recognise him and are very welcoming), heads to his first class (timetable is available online) and sits there til someone tells him what to do. We wouldn't have known the support wasn't there if the fire alarm hadn't gone off yesterday and he rang me in a panic asking what he should do.
As he's over 16 the college consider him an adult and won't discuss anything with me without him present so I've attempted to take a back seat and it's blown up in my face in style
I spoke to the support for learning dept and the woman there said "he can't possibly have Asperger's, he had a conversation with me and autistics can't do that!" :eek: Talk about banging your head against a brick wall, desperately trying to get funding that the forms were sent in for in March sorted now, someone had sat on them as he obviously didn't need support.

It does get easier when our children get older, honest but sometimes, just sometimes, I want to slap the so called experts round the head and point out that if 4 doctors have all agreed on a diagnosis then a one week course does not make you qualified to overturn that and refuse support :mad:

I would speak to whoever oversees her as she obviously has not the slightest understanding of aspergers, which is great for a learning support person. I would write a letter.
I was in the exact same situation as you a couple of weeks ago. I telephoned and said that i dont want a diagnosis or anything as i think he can make it through life ok but may need a bit of help. His brother by the way has a full diagnosis and help etc. Anyway, they put me through to his teacher and i explained that he cannot menatlly cope with more than one instruction at a time and also can he encourage him to write everything down as he will not be able to remember what others can easily do. Thankfully he was extremly understanding and took a note of who he was and early days but i think it will be ok.
I also said, he looks normal , acts normal and talks normal but he genuinely cannot cope with simple things.
Maybe write a letter to each of his tutors.
With the amount of kids with ASD , i wonder how half these people get their jobs in special needs!
Good luck.

Peanuckle

Finally managed to get an application for the disabled student grant put through and rocked the boat a little by getting the Ed Psych to contact the dept head.

The daft woman's response was to threaten son by saying "the assessment could be done at any of the local colleges or uni's, I might not even be involved in it" Son said "thank god for that" :rotfl: