Aspergers/ASD support thread

Snaggles

Just a quick update - we have spoken to the Stars team, who have reassured us they are still going to do the full 6 visits (think school must have got the wrong end of the stick somehow).

I have to say, Stars are amazing....fantastic, lovely people who have such incredible knowledge and insight into the autism spectrum. I tried looking them up on the internet though and couldn't find anything at all - does anyone know if they are nationwide or just in Leeds?

Mandy - could you speak to the organisers of the youth games, to see whether they think your ds would fit their criteria?

Sarah - sorry about your troubles with your OH, sounds like a nightmare for you. Stay strong sweetie, you will get through this.

Danni - welcome to the thread. What were your experiences of being diagnosed as an adult? Was it a lengthy process? Did you find you were listened too and taken seriously? A few people have asked on here about getting a diagnosis in adulthood, so it would be interesting to hear more about the process from your perspective.

Savvy_Sue

Danni, welcome! You'd fit in well in my house: I'd say 3 out of 6 of us are Aspie or show fragments of it. We love House, giggle through Dexter, and four out of six prefer Linux. (I'm easy ...)

SallyUK

Pastures New

Thank you for your input, your replies are very interesting indeed and I can understand what you're saying.

May I ask you how you got on when it came time for your to leave school? You say you're in your 40s now, are you married, have a partner?

I'm just interested how it was for you as you got older.

Hope you don't mind me asking.

Sally

PasturesNew wrote: »

For me, this would be the worst day ever. I couldn't bear to do those things, make that noise. Awful.

It'd be akin to me asking you to dance the Dance of the 7 Veils, naked, in front of your boss and family and broadcast on national TV. Then the DVD being played at every family gathering and job interview ever.

Really!

PasturesNew

mandy.h wrote: »

... his teacher has asked does he want to enter in disabled section cos it goes to 16 and he is technically disable now i fel cos its not a physical disability it would be unfair to others, we watched last year and most of the contestents had quite bad learning or physical disabilities any suggestions on what to do

I'd agree with you. I think it would alienate him from both sides of the fence... and those fierce mums would gang up against you too.

In my opinion, any disabled sports contests should be strictly limited to physical disabilities because it's about them overcoming a physical disability to do something that primarily full able-bodied people do.

I think in the case of sports, the term disabled is wrong and it is about being "not of able body".

I think an Aspie though would be best at a sport that doesn't involve anybody else whatsoever. And one where they aren't looked at.

So running is OK and swimming (but not relay in either of those), whereas high jump or javelin might not be of interest. Obviously everybody's different though.

I am non competitive. I hate being in any team games because everybody else is so competitive - and if you put one foot wrong they seem to never forget the time you let the team down. Not good for feeling you're making inroads in social interaction to have everybody whining at you. Sport I feel is a tricky one. I'd have an interest in the more unusual, solo, activities, but wouldn't like to be pushed competitively. If I am interested then I would develop the obsession; if I am pushed I'd retreat into my own world and most likely start hating doing it at all.

PasturesNew

SallyUK wrote: »

Pastures New

Thank you for your input, your replies are very interesting indeed and I can understand what you're saying.

May I ask you how you got on when it came time for your to leave school? You say you're in your 40s now, are you married, have a partner?

I'm just interested how it was for you as you got older.

Hope you don't mind me asking.

Sally

I am not sure I understand how to answer the question "how you got on when it came time for you to leave school?". In what way? Give me examples please.

No I am not married. Rarely dated at all. Sum of all relationships (5 max) is 6 years out of the 31 years since I left school. I have never lived with anybody. I don't have a partner. In fact, I've only had two very short relationships (2-3 months each) in the last 20 years. And it's not because I am hideous or strange or the largest person in the world While not one to turn heads, I'm average enough looking, short and 135 pounds. On the question of why I never got asked out/chatted up, somebody said to me once about 10 years ago "You're fine until you open your mouth". I always took that to mean that the moment I spoke I was intelligent and the guys didn't like that... now I am thinking that what she really hit on was my odd way of speaking and questioning things and various other Aspie traits I have in conversation all rolled into one. Maybe she was politely saying "well, you're a bit odd".

I don't understand the question about how it was as I got older. I'd need examples of typical answers. As I only realised just 7 months ago that what's really been going on all these years, and I've spoken to nobody at all (just the people here), I probably can't answer it because I never knew all those years why things just weren't quite right, why I felt like I was living in a bubble/distant, I've just always never understood the way other people seem to think. I always thought they were crazy to not see things from my logical standpoint. And I've had complaints all my life about many things that I now know are ASD traits (e.g. ask me a simple question and I can bore the pants off you for 15 minutes while I give you the complete minutae, when all you expected was a polite 8 word answer). I've started to look more closely at things I've done all my life now.

e.g. I can't hold a conversation with anybody; I don't seem to have the skills to know a subject to be able to discuss it. If you ask me something that I know I can talk at you solidly for aaaaaages non-stop until I've spouted out everything in its entirety about it/how I feel/what I'd do/what they should do .... but I can't debate.

e.g. My chit-chat is primarily based around taking the mickey really. Making a joke of everything. While this can be amusing in the right place/time, I have in the past offended people over many things I've said when I was simply making a small observation or light-hearted joke. I've had people cut me dead, never to speak to me again. And I never knew why. About a week ago when I started to think about this, I would probably say that my ability to mix with people drops off once the people are past their early 20s. I sort of completely lose touch with where they've gone to in terms of conversation; what's expected. I have tended to hang out with a young crowd or on CB radio and now on the Internet. This is partly because older people aren't generally available for hanging out in any medium (families) and I wonder if it's partly because I just can't tune into their conversations easily. I offend too easily with just getting everything wrong. This is why in the main I stay away from the Discussion Groups here... there are some really scarey people on those and some are quite aggressive and huffy ... and if one kicks off at anything I say, I don't have the verbal skills to respond nor the desire to get into any kind of ruck. Younger people, on the other hand, are usually too into themselves or still maturing, so more accepting of somebody who is not as capable in the verbal department. I guess I can hide easier in that group. Not that I've done any real life socialising for a few years now to be honest. It's tailed off now and I am virtually a hermit.

Bit long-winded, but I hope some of that explains a little.

Danni

Getting diagnosed as an adult was hard. My social worker was the first to spot (and tell me) I had Asperger's when she read my medical records while I was in hospital (I also have depression and anxiety, partially caused by life events and partially due to not understanding myself). After that we tried to get it properly diagnosed, but the psychiatrists I was seeing then didn't know autism well enough and trying to find someone who could diagnose it was nearly impossible, especially as I had no contact with either of my parents.

I got diagnosed in the end during a court case about my daughter, by an independent psychiatrist who specialises in autism. It took about 2 years though (I'm 21 now) and I'm lucky to have found a college course that I am looking into to try and help with some of the things I have difficulties with.

What was frustrating is I discovered that people had been suspecting Asperger's for a few years (it was in my medical records) but no-one had thought to give me a full assessment until I needed it for the court case. It would have been easier if I'd been diagnosed earlier, but at least now I know why I'm odd and I can work on the issues that are a problem for me and accept those that are not, knowing there's an explaination for them other than just being weird.

mandy.h_2

thanks pn for your reply the more i think about it the more i am worried what others think. im lucky ds has very good coordination so excells at sport he says its the only reason he goes to school.

as for surviving as a adult as we have ventured along our journey with ds diagnosis it has becom apparent that my oh has same condition. he says he always new he was different but just got on with things. how we ever met and gott married i dont know he now has a good job and few friends from work. it became a issue a while back beause we never did things together, he struggles with family event like weddings and christenings etc to many people. he does now make an effort. when i ask him about friends at home and how he stays in a lot he says he has me and kids and thats enough for him so why should he change things. must admit it took al ot to accept his ways but i dont let it stop me socialising it could be wose he could be spending all our money in pub every night. i just get on with it

elaine373

Danni wrote: »

What was frustrating is I discovered that people had been suspecting Asperger's for a few years (it was in my medical records) but no-one had thought to give me a full assessment until I needed it for the court case. It would have been easier if I'd been diagnosed earlier, but at least now I know why I'm odd and I can work on the issues that are a problem for me and accept those that are not, knowing there's an explaination for them other than just being weird.

I have an 18 year old son who i believe needs to be assessed for aspergers. How on earth do i do this and where do i start??Doctors???

Danni

It depends if he is at school or college. If he is, the easiest way is to go through them. Otherwise, go with him to see the doctor, along with a list of reasons of why you feel he has Asperger's. It is a lot easier to be diagnosed with a parent available to provide the early history (my mother gave mine to the psychiatrist who assessed me).

softwaremad

sloggis are supposed to be really comfortable!