Aspergers/ASD support thread

Sarahsaver

A worker from an organisation called Jigsaw is coming to see me in a couple of weeks to assess my son's needs, an 'inclusion worker' because we are having 'issues' lets say with playschemes :eek:
i referred myself to them, i do not know if they are national or not???

sarah1975uk

well its hit the fan. husband walked ot today and took his stuff. i lost it with him earlier its all got too much for him to handle with george and everything. Crying my eyes out now, he didnt even say bye to the kids they are at school..what an !!!-hole.

Js_Other_Half

sarah1975uk wrote: »

well its hit the fan. husband walked ot today and took his stuff. i lost it with him earlier its all got too much for him to handle with george and everything. Crying my eyes out now, he didnt even say bye to the kids they are at school..what an !!!-hole.

So so sorry to hear this.

Cry as much as you need to until school closes - you'll have to be strong for your children then.

PasturesNew

Just picking out a few bits at random:

SallyUK wrote: »

... he won't leave the house at all if he's not at school, unless it's to go out with me!!

I find if there's no REASON to go out, going out is pointless. Going out alone is pretty rubbish. Stuff's only interesting if you're sharing it with people you like. No people you like/know the behaviour of = sh1te time so pointless.

SallyUK wrote: »

He won't even go outside into the garden. The only thing he does at home is to spend time on his PC, or reading, or drawing, or listening to his music -

Typical teenager I'd say. Whether AS or not, this is quite normal/common I think

SallyUK wrote: »

he's obsessed with Beyonce!

He's not gay then! Quite normal to be obsessed with Beyonce. Hormones working well.

SallyUK wrote: »

But he never hums, sings or dances or moves at all to the rhythm of the music.

I don't either. I don't make any outward signs of enjoyment. In the past, in certain circumstances I have done one of those things. I did used to dance, for about 1-2 years when I was 19-21. But I hate making any outward signs of exuberance.

SallyUK wrote: »

He's also obsessed at the moment with all the soap operas!

Soaps are interesting. You get to see different sorts of people and how they're handling things. You get to scorn at the ridiculousness of a storyline and spot thiings you can identify with.

I'd not worry about this at all.

SallyUK wrote: »

He never ever shows emotion unless of course it's anger and frustration. My partner is a joker and is always winding people up, but my son hates it (my partner doesn't do it to him because of this reason). If someone does try to slag my son off, he takes it very personally and he's got a really quick temper!

I identify with this. No emotion. Well, not much. And certainly at that age.
Jokers are annoying. It's NOT funny.
Slagging off is hard for anybody. If you're unsure of yourself in any way then you will take it personally. I still feel like that, as does anybody I'd think, and I am late 40s.

SallyUK wrote: »

So please has anyone got any suggestions as to what I could to try and help him. He won't join any clubs or organisations, as he's too shy. I've tried and tried to suggest a variety of things, but so far I'm not having any luck.

Perhaps it doesn't help that we live just outside Huddersfield and there's not much on offer in this vicinity? I've tried contacting the local tennis club, but never had a reply. He joined a gym, but that closed down.

I'm really worried about him.

Thanks for any advice

Sal

The trouble here is other people suggesting things to do. With anybody, feeling you're constantly being told to do things or have suggestions made isn't helpful. It seems you're putting a lot of pressure on him to "be like you". Just let him be him. You've not mentioned that he seems unhappy being him. Just unhappy when others are pointing out or highlighting his differences or how he should be running his life.

It can make you retreat more. For me, people pointing out all the things I could be doing is akin to making me feel useless and more likely to make me feel down. Down because they aren't understanding what it means to be me. Down because they're making me feel like what I do is wrong and therefore I am a failure.

Everybody can't be the same.

PasturesNew

SallyUK wrote: »

That's my son as well something-girl.

I just think that if he had the opportunity to let his emotions out somehow or other, whether it be screaming, shouting, crying, laughing, dancing or whatever, it would do him the world of good! lol

Sally
x

For me, this would be the worst day ever. I couldn't bear to do those things, make that noise. Awful.

It'd be akin to me asking you to dance the Dance of the 7 Veils, naked, in front of your boss and family and broadcast on national TV. Then the DVD being played at every family gathering and job interview ever.

Really!

Sarahsaver

PN I totally agree with you about feeling happy with yourself, my DS loves being him, i do not want him to change, it is more of a question of other people taking the time to understand how he operates.
he feels affection but finds it hard to show, and i have noticed that he won't smile much when happy, but has noises he will make, he just seems so content in his little world. They are different to the noises he makes when he is angry.
My DS could not cope with football club or first Aid. He is happy to be at home with me whilst my other kids are out doing thiose things.
I think you're right a lot of the other stuff mentioned by SallyUK sound like teenage stuff;)

Savvy_Sue

PasturesNew wrote: »

Soaps are interesting. You get to see different sorts of people and how they're handling things. You get to scorn at the ridiculousness of a storyline and spot thiings you can identify with.

I'd not worry about this at all.

Actually, you can also learn how other people interact. Initially you might see this as interesting and different, but you might also 'learn' that that's the way other people behave, and consider whether behaving in a similar way could be beneficial to you.

I believe that watching soaps and talking about how people interact in them has been a strategy in helping Aspies 'cope' with everyday life. I'm not a great soap watcher myself, but the characters do tend to show their emotions very readily, don't they, and that can also be interesting and eventually helpful.

Danni

I've decided finally to jump in (I'm an adult diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome a couple of months ago, though I have known I am on the spectrum for a couple of years).

On the subject of soaps, I do not see the point of them. I like programmes such as House, NCIS and Casualty, as they are not based just around people's lives, and I feel I still learn a bit about emotions and relationships from them, without it being the main focus. I find understanding and expressing emotions difficult, and this has lead to problems in the past (including being misdiagnosed three times with a personality disorder).

My main methods of communicating are using the internet, as it is much easier for me to talk to people using text, I can talk about things on my own terms about the things I want to talk about (I spend a lot of time on a Star Trek forum because of this) and I have two "real life" friends, both of whom I speak to mainly via MSN Messenger. I really don't want to go out and meet people, though I do go to the Linux User Group when I am able to (it's a meeting about computers). I am pretty happy staying in and doing my own thing on the computer, and the last thing I want is being made to socialise when I don't want to.

SallyUK

Hello PasturesNew

Thank you for your reply, it was most helpful.

I guess I'm just concerned that he hasn't got anyone around him who is his own age and I think it would do him the world of good to have a friend round sometimes and perhaps they could go into town together, that sort of thing. The only other time he mixes with boys his own age, is while he's at school.

I get worried about what will happen when the time comes for him to go out into the big wide world, when he leaves school or college.

Sally
x

mandy.h_2

Sarahsaver wrote: »

PN I totally agree with you about feeling happy with yourself, my DS loves being him, i do not want him to change, it is more of a question of other people taking the time to understand how he operates.
he feels affection but finds it hard to show, and i have noticed that he won't smile much when happy, but has noises he will make, he just seems so content in his little world. They are different to the noises he makes when he is angry.
My DS could not cope with football club or first Aid. He is happy to be at home with me whilst my other kids are out doing thiose things.
I think you're right a lot of the other stuff mentioned by SallyUK sound like teenage stuff;)

i think it all depends on how much insight they have as to whats normal my ds hates his condition most of the time

i need help with a decision ds is very good at athletics and did the youth games last year for non disabled children but the age limit is 13. his teacher has asked does he want to enter in disabled section cos it goes to 16 and he is technically disable now i fel cos its not a physical disability it would be unfair to others, we watched last year and most of the contestents had quite bad learning or physical disabilities any suggestions on what to do