Debt, debt and more debt.

Primrose

I think Andy makes a good point about learning how to live with a certain amount of solitude and treating it as your friend rather than your enemy.

You have a stressful job and the cold dark nights are coming. Do you have any hobbies and interests that can be indulged in indoors?

I think people who have learnt a certain level of self sufficiency in terms of learning to enjoy their own company have an advantage, especially after a troubled period like you've had, because it allows time for reflection in your own space in a secure environment.

In reality this could mean doing things like reading, craftwork, jigsaws, listening to music, gentle exercising like yoga, all of which keep you focussed but thoughtfully engaged.

Family and friends can,t always be at our disposal. They all have lives of their own to lead so perhaps use these next few months of dark evenings to come home, relax in your own space and rediscover the person you used to be. I,m not suggesting you live like a hermit. Of course there has to be time out with friends built into your agenda but just for now, concentrate on making time and space for yourself.

Hopefully today at work has gone better than you feared. Do they know you've been under a great deal of stress recently?

NeverendingDMP

Just popping in to say hello and send a big hug. You may well be running on empty so if you need to take a month of your dmp/self manage/ drop the amount/have a little treat then its okay to do so. There is always a way. Awful as this may sound all the exciting stuff your ex OH is doing just means he has not yet figured out finances. You are doing so well in persevering with a budget with everything going on. This is a sign that you are strong. Its possible unfortunately that his **** hits the fan moment is not yet here. This doesnt help it be any easier I know but in the long run it sounds like you will come off much better.

enthusiasticsaver

My recommendation is you come off social media for a bit so you cannot follow what your idiot of an ex is doing. He may be trying to rub your nose in it so don't give him the satisfaction. Eventually his overspending will catch up with him.

enthusiasticsaver

[Deleted User] wrote:

Thanks for the hug. I know ex will be spending like there is no tomorrow. When he lived with me he had no money two days after pay day. His outgoings have now increased and so he must be living on pay day loans.
That's why he found me boring. Spend now, find it later attitude. He doesn't behave like he is 42.

Then he will be retiring on a pittance probably with a mountain of debt.. You are better off without him.

Primrose

Your now Ex may appear to be living a life of luxury but believe me, the ice on which he is living it is dangerously thin and he's a fool not to recognise that the day of reckoning will come. And when it does, all his so-called false friends will desert him because they will recognise him for the taker that he is.

Please constantly remind yourself that yiu are now starting to build a more secure future for yourself. Like the foundation walls of a house it may not seem much at the moment but progressively year by year you will be consolidating your position now you no longer have your ex draining your finances. YOU ARE NOW IN CONTROL.

It,s hard your daughter misses him but try to get her to understand that certain behaviours between partners and individuals generally are not acceptable and let her start judging the situation for herself as she grows older. Help her to understand how important it is to live within your income and then she will hopefully be able to judge her father's activities and behaviour from a more sound perspective.

Keep going! You may feel you're running on empty but regard this period as one where you're starting to power up your batteries again and hopefully things will become easier as you no longer have somebody else's debts and irresponsible behaviour to worry about. His chickens WILL come home to roost!

Toni'sfriend

YOU ARE NOW IN CONTROL.

Keep reminding yourself of that. Believe me, everything else will fall into place.

I've come off Twitter

Well done. He's trying to make you believe he's living a wonderful life but he'll pay for it in the end. And the way he's going it will be sooner rather than later. Alone, false friends and no money.

Sending you big hugs. Keep on going

Suffolk_lass

Glad to hear that your colleagues are being kind to you. Most people are compassionate and will try to support or at least cut you some slack, and many of us have been through our own challenges. I wish I had been more emotionally open when I did - I took refuge in practical things (and that sometimes comes out in the rather clinical advice I dish out!)

Chin up kiddo, you are doing great. I love the advice to treasure your time alone

warby68

Was the divorce stuff a ruse to get your address? I hope not.

So glad there is 'positive' re-appearing in your posts.

I would engage only very minimally with him now but I know that's easier said than done, especially when there is so much provocation. Do your best. Yes, no, we'll see ..... Don't respond to accusations at all.

Time WILL give you perspective, I know it sounds trite but it really does - looking at things from a distance rather than being in the thick of it. And you've already started so find the best ways for you to let that time pass.

Honeysucklelou2

That's wonderful...glad you had a good evening with such a spectacular result!

NeverendingDMP

Wow fantastic news. Good on you for organising a night out and even better for your win.