Debt, debt and more debt.

Happyadventurer

Just read your horrendous experience. Went through quite a similar experience. Wanted to reassure you that it took 10 years for me to be debt free but I did it. Brought up my two children and had a dog. Lost my home and had to rent. Now buying a home once again. You can do this. Like you I became incredibly resourceful and creative. I also made sure I had time out of a relationship to heal and give myself time.
I am happier now than ever, with two amazing children and debt free. Like you I had real down days but kept going. You can do this. Wishing you the very best of luck.

beanielou

Happyadventurer wrote: »

Just read your horrendous experience. Went through quite a similar experience. Wanted to reassure you that it took 10 years for me to be debt free but I did it. Brought up my two children and had a dog. Lost my home and had to rent. Now buying a home once again. You can do this. Like you I became incredibly resourceful and creative. I also made sure I had time out of a relationship to heal and give myself time.
I am happier now than ever, with two amazing children and debt free. Like you I had real down days but kept going. You can do this. Wishing you the very best of luck.

What an inspiring post

Suffolk_lass

When your ex has gone on his golf holiday, that is the time to clean the house and get the landlord round if you can - so they can see that you have left it in good order. Take pictures if you cannot get them there with you.

I fully understand that you need a window of time to come to terms with your new situation and your own loss, but I urge you to seek some legal advice on formally separating your finances from his, now, rather than later. It will stop the clock running on any calls his solicitor may make on your pension when you do divorce and also stop you accruing liability for his irresponsible spending in the interim. You don't need that extra worry now you have taken this step.

I hope you and the children (and the dog) are OK - hopefully all will settle quickly. The dog might need a toy as he will be on his own a bit more now, as there is nobody WFH to see to his needs

enthusiasticsaver

Goodness you are much kinder than me. I would have taken it with me when your van came last week and let him sleep on the floor. Presumably the deposit on the old house will come back to you?

Suffolk_lass

It is taking a toll. And it will do while you grieve for what you might have had. Don't be too hard on yourself. Take your time and start thinking of you and the children. This is part of the process. He was never going to move out like a grown-up was he!? It was always going to be spiteful so he has done just what we expected.

You said he had no money to get a van and no place of his own to take it to so of course he left it. You will clean and tidy, remove the rubbish and then you may get your part of the deposit (or not) but the landlord will see you have done that. With each bag of rubbish, let your smile grow as part of your closure. The start of something better.

I can personally reassure you that weight loss is not a permanent thing too

Chrystal

Suffolk_lass wrote: »

It is taking a toll. And it will do while you grieve for what you might have had. Don't be too hard on yourself. Take your time and start thinking of you and the children. This is part of the process. He was never going to move out like a grown-up was he!? It was always going to be spiteful so he has done just what we expected.

You said he had no money to get a van and no place of his own to take it to so of course he left it. You will clean and tidy, remove the rubbish and then you may get your part of the deposit (or not) but the landlord will see you have done that. With each bag of rubbish, let your smile grow as part of your closure. The start of something better.

I can personally reassure you that weight loss is not a permanent thing too

Brilliant post. :T X

darrannah

I have been reading your diary from the start, and I must say, just in the last few days/posts you sound much happier, you’re typing much happier things and you are sounding alot more positive. It seems that you have made the right decision. I hope the debt settlement figures work out in your favour. Keep going, you can do it

warby68

Now you have cleared the old house, give yourself a break - a physical one at least. You may well feel quite ill now as you 'come down' from the prolonged high stress phase. Take time to nest and do nice things with your daughter in what sounds like a nice new place. Just prioritise splitting your financial connections as much as possible to protect yourself.

I haven't posted but I have read along and you are a remarkably resiliant and resourceful person. There are many who would have crumbled well before now. You weren't weak, you loved a version of him and had to come to terms with the real version and the loss of your family unit plus start a new life with a hefty debt burden, multiple jobs and children plus a pet to care for - that's a heck of a lot for one human.

I'm so glad your family came through too.

I know you feel at rock bottom now but something tells me you won't be there for long

Suffolk_lass

Our car purchasing has relied on two things -

1. a good relationship with the guys who ran the side street garage in the town we used to live in - they used to occasionally get offered a car by an elderly customer who was giving up driving and offered one on to us - so if you know someone with that sort of relationship with a garage (or you know an older person who is giving up) this might be a low-cost route.

2. we found a trusted main dealer garage (based on several review sites) and bought a car second hand from them (it had been traded in and was about 5 years old), looked after by them throughout. I used a 0% low (1.9%) fee credit card balance transfer and some of my emergency fund and also took out a small loan to get us to a reliable place (I could not tell you if a car is a good one in all honesty) and pre-bought three years of services (so the labour and filters and fluids were covered, but not the bigger parts (brakes) or consumables (wiper blades). It's DS's car and still going strong, although it is serviced at a decent little garage in the next town now we know they are a trusted garage (recommended by new neighbours). I paid off in order of interest-bearing loan, then credit card, while topping up my emergency fund through Tilly-tidying (rounding my account to the next £10 with each outgoing so it was always a nice round number balance).

I hope these two options help a bit but having just moved you may need to call on family/friends for who you can trust in the motor trade. We have avoided the lease-purchase route because of the commitment to monthly outgoings.

enthusiasticsaver

Glad you starting to settle in to your new place and enterprising way of getting rid off the bed. You also sound like you have a grip on your finances and well done on getting your DMP payment reduced.

Re the car. Is it used every day and essential for getting to work or do you have public transport options and maybe you just hire a car if needed on a daily basis? That will save you the initial outlay as you won't get credit if you are on a DMP. What payments are you making currently on the car and is the deal in yours or your exes name? Is it lease or PCP? I would save up for a cheap runaround or do without a car if you can whilst you save up for it. A local car dealer or garage is always a good bet to find a bargain if you can find one which sells older cars.