Upset re inheritance

Silvertabby

Where there's a Will there's a whine.

When my sister set up her own business, she borrowed £10K from our great aunt. This was properly documented as a loan but my sister was 'never able' to make any repayments.

When our great aunt died, she left me £10k and wrote off my sister's debt to her estate. This meant that we both had the same amount of money, just at different times - but the way my sister carried on you'd have thought I'd robbed her of her inheritance.

Malthusian

Mojisola wrote: »

She wanted dbrookf to give up her inheritance so that she (the sister) would hopefully benefit from it in the future.

In the meantime, the sister has got their mother to hand over £10k of her inheritance!

Assuming the mother's Will is to the two of them equally and the £10k is a gift not a loan, then it's £5k of the sister's inheritance, accelerated, and £5k of the OP's inheritance.

Notwithstanding that a potential future inheritance should never be viewed as yours.

Malthusian

Silvertabby wrote: »

When our great aunt died, she left me £10k and wrote off my sister's debt to her estate. This meant that we both had the same amount of money, just at different times -

To be strictly accurate, you got less than she did. Inflation.

It does helpfully illustrate one of the points we are making to the OP - some people are never happy. Silvertabby's sister got more than Silvertabby but it made her miserable, because she stopped valuing it pretty much the moment it was in her hands. The writing off of her debt was of no value to her as she had no intention of ever paying it back anyway. She placed no value on her great aunt's generosity. The same will happen here if the OP gives in to her sister.

The secret to financial misery (regardless of how much money you have) in five easy steps:

1. View luxuries as essentials
2. View gifts to you as entitlements
3. View gifts to others as loans
4. View a fair price as theft
5. View work as slavery

Flugelhorn

Malthusian wrote: »

The secret to financial misery (regardless of how much money you have) in five easy steps:

1. View luxuries as essentials
2. View gifts to you as entitlements
3. View gifts to others as loans
4. View a fair price as theft
5. View work as slavery

Should be pinned up over all student desks, in all kitchens, and included with the paperwork for loan applications setting up a will

Vegastare

My thought is simply you are going against your late Uncles wishes.
He had his reasons and made his choice to instruct the will be written as it has been.
It was the last will and testament, I assume he was of sound mind when he made it, if so then going against his wishes in my mind is wrong. Clearly he had his reasons not to give money to your sister, you may know his reason you may not - but I think this thought should be said clearly to your sister - that you as not going against his wishes.

societys_child

Malthusian wrote: »

No, never lie, just say "no". If you lie about the money being earmarked, then the next question will be "for what". You could say "none of your business" but you won't because if that was your reaction, you wouldn't have lied in the first place. More likely you will feel compelled to make up another lie. And then when you get caught lying you've made yourself into the bad guy.

Why is it a lie?

Most normal people have plans about what they want to do with THEIR money, either now, or in the near or distant future. NO lying involved.

lisyloo

Vague plans are not the same as being earmarked.

The OP has to find a way to say no and not feel guilty.
My observation is that this is a female trait as we are carers by instinct and want everyone to be happy. Sometimes that it just not possible and not under your control.

Malthusian

societys_child wrote: »

Most normal people have plans about what they want to do with THEIR money, either now, or in the near or distant future. NO lying involved.

THEIR money maybe. A £50,000 windfall, no. People don't generally make plans about what they want to do with £50,000 that they might never get. If the OP had any specific plans for the £50,000 already she'd probably have told us.

lisyloo wrote: »

My observation is that this is a female trait as we are carers by instinct and want everyone to be happy.

Not really. The OP's sister clearly doesn't have that trait, and nor do lots of other women that neither of us would want to be stuck in a lift with. Lots of males also have that trait, and lots of males don't. "I want everyone to be happy. I am female. Therefore wanting everyone to be happy is a female trait." The logic doesn't work, any more than "My cat likes to chase bees. My cat is female. Therefore females like to chase bees."

Any evolutionary psychology rationale for this theory applies equally to men (men would want everyone to be happy in order for their family to be secure and propagate their genes as much as women).

The OP should not think that being female is any barrier to standing up for herself and her family's financial security.

culpepper

Your sister has no say in what you do with your money surely?
If she would react badly to your not complying with her wishes, then she is no real friend in the first place. Your husband is quite right to be annoyed that she suggest what happens to your inheritance.

lisyloo

Malthusian wrote: »

The OP should not think that being female is any barrier to standing up for herself and her family's financial security.

I totally agree and was not suggesting otherwise.
I too think her own family should be her priority.