Upset re inheritance

societys_child

Tell her it's earmarked for something, and stop feeling guilty!


Don't be manipulated by her.

[Deleted User]

If you *do* give into her emotional blackmail, ask her to sign a legal document confirming that if she has any inheritances (past or future), you receive 50% (or what ever % you ended up giving her).
NB: Apologies, I should have clarified that this comment about a legal document was said tongue-in-cheek - I was just wondering how she would react if she was asked hand over 50% to you.

AnotherJoe

onwards&upwards wrote: »

Neither of you were under any obligation to care for your uncle, and i’m sure inheritance didn’t affect the decision for either of you.

Are there other cousins, nieces and nephews of your uncle who didn’t get anything either? Does she think they should get a cut too?

I’d be tempted to give her 10k to shut her up, keep the peace, and also because i’d feel bad that I now had more than my mum, although that is not logical and not advice just how I would handle it!

Indeed its not because that sort of person would still convince themselves that you hadnt given the full amount and still owed them so you'd be in a worse place with them nagging you for the rest.

Indeed I bet if you gave them all the money they still wouldnt thank you, since they would have regarded that as what was their due anyway so in their mind you've done nothing honorable, after all you needed nagging to do it.

AnotherJoe

lisyloo wrote: »

the downside with giving in to bullies/emotional blackmail/abusers is that they will just continue the technique.

^^^^^^^^^^^ this times 100

Mojisola

dbrookf wrote: »

To be fair to her, it’s not a life long pattern...obviously it’s quite a normal envy thing....

dbrookf wrote: »

My hubby and I took her to Barcelona for a long weekend for her recent 50th birthday (before any monies were known about). I’ve also insisted on paying for a mother/daughters UK break soon.

Maybe the lifelong pattern is yours - have you always been so generous with finances?

Maybe she just sees what's yours is hers because of past generosity.

Malthusian

Dilbert999 wrote: »

If you *do* give into her emotional blackmail, ask her to sign a legal document confirming that if she has any inheritances (past or future), you receive 50% (or what ever % you ended up giving her).

That doesn't sound enforceable to me. The sister would be agreeing to an open-ended liability that could be staggeringly out of proportion to what she received.

In any case, not only would it be clearly unreasonable, but the sister isn't going to do that because she wants the OP to give them free money (eventually), not to give the OP part of her own eventual inheritance from her mother.

*edit* Correction, it's absolutely 100% unenforceable. The sister isn't getting any consideration if the OP complies with her request. Paying money to four completely different people, one of which you may eventually inherit money from but may not, is not a consideration. So there's no valid contract. The OP would have no claim on any future inheritance of her sister's and the "legal document" you have in mind would be a worthless piece of paper.

societys_child wrote:

Tell her it's earmarked for something, and stop feeling guilty!

No, never lie, just say "no". If you lie about the money being earmarked, then the next question will be "for what". You could say "none of your business" but you won't because if that was your reaction, you wouldn't have lied in the first place. More likely you will feel compelled to make up another lie. And then when you get caught lying you've made yourself into the bad guy.

TBagpuss

dbrookf wrote: »

Once again thanks for your replies. They are very much appreciated.

My hubby and I took her to Barcelona for a long weekend for her recent 50th birthday (before any monies were known about). I’ve also insisted on paying for a mother/daughters UK break soon.

I’d hate to fall out with her and it would upset my mum. Hopefully not!

You aren't falling out with her.

If *she* decides to fall out with you becuase she is greedy, that is on her, not you.

If your relationship depends on you giving in to her unreasonable demands then it isn't a very healthy relationship.

nom_de_plume

Just to steer this thread back on track a bit, the original post suggested the sister did not want the inheritance herself but was suggesting it be divided equally between their mother and their mother's siblings.....

The issue is my sister is not happy as she thinks that I should give up my inheritance to each of the siblings (one being my mother)

Mojisola

dbrookf wrote: »

The issue is my sister is not happy as she thinks that I should give up my inheritance to each of the siblings (one being my mother) and then this would form part of my mother’s estate that we would both benefit from eventually.

My mother has already given her £10k from her £50k.

nom_de_plume wrote: »

Just to steer this thread back on track a bit, the original post suggested the sister did not want the inheritance herself but was suggesting it be divided equally between their mother and their mother's siblings.....

She wanted dbrookf to give up her inheritance so that she (the sister) would hopefully benefit from it in the future.

In the meantime, the sister has got their mother to hand over £10k of her inheritance!

harrys_nan

dbrookf wrote: »

I said she wants it sharing between the four siblings – not my mother per se.

missed that as well, thought your sister wanted all of your share to go to your mother, my mistake sorry.


I still wouldn't let the sister make me feel guilty, your Uncle wrote the will to leave his money to the people he wanted to have it.