Upset re inheritance

chesky

I hope your mother has made a will.

lisyloo

I would suggest your mum set up LPAs for both finance and health.

My MIL didn’t do it and I had to go to the courts when she lost mental capacity.
Fortunately we were all in agreement, but it was slow, expensive and arduous.

warby68

I kind of get it, she feels slighted as the only one of three not to receive something and it is a significant amount. No doubt she has rationalised away you helping versus her not doing something due to the distance. There's often a kind of feeling that family should all be equal.

As your mum was quick to give her £10k that probably only increases her feeling you should cough up as well.

For me it would depend whether I felt it was actually unfair to her and whether it should be more of a family windfall. If I did feel that I'd probably match your mother's gift. If I didn't I wouldn't.

However you are NOT obliged and she should not ask - its just about how you feel really and not because of any guilt trip from her. For some reason I expected you and your sister to be your 20's for her still to have the cheek to put pressure on, not her 50's!

If you decline, it wouldn't surprise me if she starts working on mum to equal things up further in her will

unholyangel

Your mums extra 12500 would be 6250 each (assuming mum would keep it equal) - which mum has already given her more than. So she wants you to give up 43750 all so she can possibly get 6250 (assuming your mum doesn't spend it/need care in later life). Not very sisterly, is it? Yet you're the one being made to feel guilty?

Kentish_Dave

dbrookf wrote: »

But she’s making me feel guilty now....should I be giving her half??

From what you have written, no, I don’t think so.

What reason is she giving as to why the wishes of a relative to whom you were clearly close should be overridden?

It’s hard to imagine that. It comes down to anything more than her wanting money because you have it.

Maybe it’d help if you had a cup of tea and a chat with the other recipients to find if they have said anything to her to make her feel this way.

Sea_Shell

Playing devils advocate here.....Is there any chance that your Uncle did promise your sister something, verbally, but in the end didn't - were they close at all (emotionally rather than geographically)?

As this really is the only circumstance under which she may have a reason to feel a bit put out. Even so that still wouldn't give her the right to lay the guilt trip at your door.

HampshireH

No, but to be fair I lived closer than she did...

Sounds like you are making excuses for her. If you want to give her half give her half.

Comments all seem to be about what happens when your mum dies. If your sister really expects your mum isn't going to spend the money she has been gifted either on herself as treats/pay down mortgage / as a pension etc then she is really selfish.

If your mum is saving it all to be an inheritance I find this outlook really sad. But each to their own. In my view she should be enjoying life. 50k goes a long way to making enjoying life a little easier.

lisyloo

HampshireH wrote: »

Comments all seem to be about what happens when your mum dies.

With it having just gone wrong wrt expectations and two sisters who might fall out or have an ongoing resentment, then it seems sensible for thoughts to turn to the mother communicating what she wants up front to avoid this happening again.

I have felt awkward approaching the subject in the past, but I have found that elderly people do know they are going to die and are not the least bit awkward in talking about it. They have probably already thought about it.

onwards&upwards

dbrookf wrote: »

No, but to be fair I lived closer than she did...

Neither of you were under any obligation to care for your uncle, and i’m sure inheritance didn’t affect the decision for either of you.

Are there other cousins, nieces and nephews of your uncle who didn’t get anything either? Does she think they should get a cut too?

I’d be tempted to give her 10k to shut her up, keep the peace, and also because i’d feel bad that I now had more than my mum, although that is not logical and not advice just how I would handle it!

lisyloo

onwards&upwards wrote: »

I’d be tempted to give her 10k to shut her up, keep the peace

it could work but the downside with giving in to bullies/emotional blackmail/abusers is that they will just continue the technique.


I'm estranged from my mum because of this abusive behaviour which as a child I was unable to stop/manage.


Those people who have good relationships with her fall into two categories.
Those who do her bidding in order to receive her approval.
Those who succesfully manage the emotional blackmail by saying no without guilt (it can be done).