Money Moral Dilemma: Should I turn down my friend's Italian wedding invite?

POPPYOSCAR

happyandcontented wrote: »

Do you mind me asking why you would not go if it is not a financial issue?

The main reason is we do not want to fly, especially long haul to Florida.

happyandcontented

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

The main reason is we do not want to fly, especially long haul to Florida.

Thank you, it is a long flight, I agree.

Pollycat

I think it's pretty clear from the way this 'dilemma' is worded that the OP really doesn't want to attend the wedding and is looking for people to agree that it's fair not to go:

A close friend has invited me to her wedding in Italy. I'd like to go but I won't know anyone there apart from her, and obviously brides tend to be busy on their big day. Is it fair not to go, considering it will cost about £500? I can afford it, but it's a lot for a holiday when I'll mostly be on my own.

So:
it's fair not to go

JayD

Seriously, if you don't want to go, then don't!


Your friend would surely understand and possibly is half expecting you to say no thank you. But she has invited you because you are a friend she considers close enough to invite and who she felt might be pleased to come - or even a little offended if not invited.


Either way, I am sure that no one would be overly upset by you saying how grateful you are to have been invited but sadly, will not be able to come. After all, if you don't relish the idea spending most of the day alone, or extending your stay and holidaying alone, then £500 is a huge amount to pay - even if you can afford it. Maybe you can find a special wedding gift instead?

ska_lover

£500 is NOT a lot to spend on a holiday

But seriously, if you don't want to go, don't go - not every decision in life needs to be a great big drama

Pollycat

ska_lover wrote: »

£500 is NOT a lot to spend on a holiday

But seriously, if you don't want to go, don't go - not every decision in life needs to be a great big drama

But all MSE 'dilemmas' seem to be...;)

ska_lover

Pollycat wrote: »

But all MSE 'dilemmas' seem to be...;)

Aye you aren't wrong there

London_baby

I was recently in this situation, friend's wedding was in a very rural part of Europe, which was only served by one bus a day. It also meant possibly spending 100 euros each way to get from the airport to the location. I have lived in this country and I am fairly fluent and not afraid of going places on my own but had to eventually turn it down as total cost on my own was looking at £500 for a weekend with flights, taxi, accommodation etc.

I'm not against destination marriages and people should get married where they want but they should try to make it easier for their guests to get there if it's a remote location. Not everyone has access to a car, nor can rely on car pooling with strangers, especially as a single person. My only option would have been to tag along with my friend's mother, which frankly, I would not have enjoyed.

I felt guilty for not attending but didn't feel so bad after my friend's mother told me she didn't blame me for not going and she essentially blackmailed my friend to pay for her to go there :rotfl: With that I've sent them the price of the airline ticket as their wedding present and wished them a great day.

Pollycat

London_baby wrote: »

I was recently in this situation, friend's wedding was in a very rural part of Europe, which was only served by one bus a day. It also meant possibly spending 100 euros each way to get from the airport to the location. I have lived in this country and I am fairly fluent and not afraid of going places on my own but had to eventually turn it down as total cost on my own was looking at £500 for a weekend with flights, taxi, accommodation etc.

I'm not against destination marriages and people should get married where they want but they should try to make it easier for their guests to get there if it's a remote location. Not everyone has access to a car, nor can rely on car pooling with strangers, especially as a single person. My only option would have been to tag along with my friend's mother, which frankly, I would not have enjoyed.

I felt guilty for not attending but didn't feel so bad after my friend's mother told me she didn't blame me for not going and she essentially blackmailed my friend to pay for her to go there :rotfl: With that I've sent them the price of the airline ticket as their wedding present and wished them a great day.

In what way?
Putting a bus on?
So everyone would have to leave at the same time?
Multiple buses for guests who are invited to the whole shebang and those just invited for the evening do?
Feeder buses to get everybody to a convenient place to start from?

You could have gone with another guest but you didn't want that option.

I think people getting married have enough on without arranging transport for guests.
If the location is too remote for you, decline the invitation.
As long as the couple getting married don't sulk and throw a strop when invited guests decline the invitation because of difficulty in getting there, I don't see the problem.

happyandcontented

Pollycat wrote: »

In what way?
Putting a bus on?
So everyone would have to leave at the same time?
Multiple buses for guests who are invited to the whole shebang and those just invited for the evening do?
Feeder buses to get everybody to a convenient place to start from?

You could have gone with another guest but you didn't want that option.

I think people getting married have enough on without arranging transport for guests.
If the location is too remote for you, decline the invitation.
As long as the couple getting married don't sulk and throw a strop when invited guests decline the invitation because of difficulty in getting there, I don't see the problem.

As a group of friends, we do this when our children get married. The coaches run from church to the venue and back at an appointed time, and there is an evening pick up from the local pub for evening only guests. It has always worked well, the option is there but if you wish to go earlier or stay later than the coaches are booked for then you organise your own taxi.