Money Moral Dilemma: Should I turn down my friend's Italian wedding invite?

gloriouslyhappy

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

which will cost considerably more than £500 by the time you have got there, bought clothes and presents and had a holiday you might not otherwise have had.

£500 was the amount quoted in the original post. But I suspect you're right about the hidden costs ie wedding outfit, present, etc mounting up quickly!

POPPYOSCAR

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I have an excellent relationship with my son and of course would wish to attend his wedding. I would hope that he would marry somewhere where it didn't cost a fortune for people to attend, but I suppose if he insisted on it then I would have to fork out.

However, I would not pay it to attend anyone else's wedding abroad, which will cost considerably more than £500 by the time you have got there, bought clothes and presents and had a holiday you might not otherwise have had. No way.

I agree with you.

Our son wants to get married in Florida.

We have told him that we would wish him well but would not go. Nothing to do with money really.

We would have a party here at another time.

I think he has gone off the idea.

happyandcontented

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I agree with you.

Our son wants to get married in Florida.

We have told him that we would wish him well but would not go. Nothing to do with money really.

We would have a party here at another time.

I think he has gone off the idea.

Do you mind me asking why you would not go if it is not a financial issue?

tizerbelle

happyandcontented wrote: »

Do you mind me asking why you would not go if it is not a financial issue?

Maybe they don't like holidaying abroad?
Maybe they only have one holiday a year and don't want their destination dictated by someone else?
Maybe they have disabilities that make travelling arduous?
Maybe they have commitments/responsibilities at home that make going away problematic?
Maybe they have a fear of flying?
Maybe they are just not interested in travelling abroad ever?
Maybe their son and his future spouse already have a couple of young kids and they know full well, they'd be expected to be child-minders the entire time?
Maybe they don't fancy being abroad in close confines with the future spouse's family and/or friends (or even members of their own family) who they don't like?
Maybe they don't fly for environmental reasons?
Maybe they just don't like the fad of "destination" weddings?

I'm sure there are many more reasons why someone wouldn't want to go that aren't finance related.

happyandcontented

tizerbelle wrote: »

Maybe they don't like holidaying abroad?
Maybe they only have one holiday a year and don't want their destination dictated by someone else?
Maybe they have disabilities that make travelling arduous?
Maybe they have commitments/responsibilities at home that make going away problematic?
Maybe they have a fear of flying?
Maybe they are just not interested in travelling abroad ever?
Maybe their son and his future spouse already have a couple of young kids and they know full well, they'd be expected to be child-minders the entire time?
Maybe they don't fancy being abroad in close confines with the future spouse's family and/or friends (or even members of their own family) who they don't like?
Maybe they don't fly for environmental reasons?
Maybe they just don't like the fad of "destination" weddings?

I'm sure there are many more reasons why someone wouldn't want to go that aren't finance related.

Yes, I could have detailed all those 'reasons' myself. I was just interested to know what it was that would mean they wouldn't attend their son's wedding. Is that ok with you?

happyandcontented

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

In most of Italy language skills aren't needed. Most in customer facing roles in any tourist establishment, restaurant etc will speak at least intermediate level English. I get depressed when I talk to them in Italian and they reply in English!

I'm told the further south you go the fewer English speakers you encounter, but as yet the furthest south I've been is Rome and everyone there seemed to speak English.

We holiday in Italy regularly and have travelled all over the country, and it is true the further south you the less English is spoken but even there, many people do speak very good English.

tizerbelle

happyandcontented wrote: »

Yes, I could have detailed all those 'reasons' myself. I was just interested to know what it was that would mean they wouldn't attend their son's wedding. Is that ok with you?

Maybe, I thougt I was helping you out.
Maybe I thought I could provide some options for you as they hadn't responded and presumably by asking the question in the first place, you couldn't think of any reasons.
Maybe they didn't respond as they feel you are being too nosey / intrusive
Maybe you have a reason to be snippy?
Maybe not?
Maybe you should not have a pop at someone for simply posting on a public forum.
Whatever the answers, enjoy the rest of your day.

happyandcontented

tizerbelle wrote: »

Maybe, I thougt I was helping you out.
Maybe I thought I could provide some options for you as they hadn't responded and presumably by asking the question in the first place, you couldn't think of any reasons.
Maybe they didn't respond as they feel you are being too nosey / intrusive
Maybe you have a reason to be snippy?
Maybe not?
Maybe you should not have a pop at someone for simply posting on a public forum.
Whatever the answers, enjoy the rest of your day.

Maybe you simply didn't understand where I was coming from and applied your own 'slightly snippy' responses to both replies? Maybe? And maybe you should also take your own advice?;)

My original question was phrased very politely and implicit in that was the understanding that I may not get a response. That is fine, the reason may be personal, which was why I used the phrasing I did. I have interacted with the poster many times and feel confident that my post would not be badly received by her, but thank you for your input.

Have a lovely day!

charlotte1994

Personally I would go to the wedding, add some extra days and turn it into a holiday. Take a friend or partner and just be apart for the wedding and spend the rest of your holiday together. There will be plenty of people to strike up conversations with at the wedding, you already have something in common - how you know the bride and groom. I would go for it!!

NaughtiusMaximus

As others have said, no dilemma here.

If you don't want to go for whatever reason, apologise to your friend and explain why. I'm sure she'll be disappointed but if she's a real friend she won't hold it against you. Since your reasons aren't financial, instead treat you friend to whichever of the following you think she would enjoy the most: a meal at a swanky restaurant/pampering session/an experience day of some description/a show/an almighty p*** up