Money Moral Dilemma: Should I turn down my friend's Italian wedding invite?

Former_MSE_Megan_F

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

A close friend has invited me to her wedding in Italy. I'd like to go but I won't know anyone there apart from her, and obviously brides tend to be busy on their big day. Is it fair not to go, considering it will cost about £500? I can afford it, but it's a lot for a holiday when I'll mostly be on my own.

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onomatopoeia99

You could turn it in to a holiday by booking some extra days. That's what I did when my brother married in Italy, stayed for a week in total, explored the local area and I loved the place. Ended up taking Italian lessons and have been on four more holidays there since.


Or, if you really don't want to go, then just RSVP with "Sorry, but no". The couple will understand that if you invite people to a wedding in another country there is a very good chance that many of them won't be able to go for different reasons - again drawing on personal experience, my brother and sister-in-law had a party for the people that couldn't make the wedding when they got back from their honeymoon.

JGB1955

I wouldn't go unless I could turn the trip into an (at least) 10 day holiday with a significant other (whether they were included in the wedding invitation or not). I know of someone who got married in California and it meant that the guest (who DID chose to attend) had no money for his own honeymoon later in the year.

JGB1955

My son and daughter-in-law were invited to a wedding (of local friends) in Cyprus. They spent an absolute fortune on a holiday they didn't want (or could afford) to take.

blue_angel

Attended a wedding in France some years ago as the only non-family members there. Had a wonderful time and wouldn't have missed the opportunity for anything, We stayed on after the wedding for a couple of days and made it our summer break!

happyinflorida

Are you young and single? Ask your friend how many single men/women will be there! You could have a fantastic time if so and who knows, you might be having your own Italian wedding soon!

MalMonroe

It sounds very much to me as if you don't want to go. And that's okay. You are close friends but you won't know anyone else and it is a lot of money to spend just for a day, really. I had a similar dilemma and had to tell my friend, who lives 1000 miles away, that I just couldn't make it to her wedding. She was fine about it, she understood completely but was disappointed I'd not be there. There was no way I could have afforded it though. Flights, present, new clothes for the trip plus having to pay for accommodation. I think we, as a society, have built weddings up so much that people do become very upset when all their closest friends and relatives can't attend. But it doesn't mean we love them any less, just that we don't always have the means or the money. If she's a true close friend and you explain how you feel, I'm sure there won't be a problem. Just be honest.

MalMonroe

blue_angel : That's lovely for you but you weren't on your own. The OP here will be.

firebubble

If you could afford it, you could ask if you could bring a plus one. I know it seems cheeky, but I think it depends on the balance of guests - if the couple are young there are likely to be lots of other single guests so you'll be in the same boat, and asking for an unknown plus one is unnecessary. However if the couple are older and you're likely to be the only single person there, I think it's fine to ask - it's kind of cruel to expect someone to spend the whole day on their own, at a gathering which may be bittersweet depending on the guest's personal situation, and to require them to shell out loads of cash to do so.

However, you don't sound that keen to go (remembering also that asking someone on their own might also be a way of hoping you'll decline to get the guestlist down to an affordable level...), so perhaps just say no.

HH70

If I was in your shoes, I'd feel the same. Weddings can be very lonely events if you don't know anyone. That said, like other posters have suggested, it may be that there are plenty of other singletons who don't know anyone and your friend is planning to put them all together on a table and you might have a great time. However, I think you must be really honest with your friend and explain your reservations. If she's a good friend, I'm sure she'll understand. It's so easy to feel pressured into accepting an invite but your friend should understand that not only is it a big financial commitment (whether you can afford it doesn't really matter in this case), going solo to any event is not hugely attractive. If she doesn't do enough to entice you, make sure you get her a nice present and/or make arrangements to have a special meal with her before or after the wedding. If you do decide to go, put in a couple of days in a nice hotel (if you can) to make it more of a holiday.

Pollycat

MSE_Megan_F wrote: »

A close friend has invited me to her wedding in Italy. I'd like to go but I won't know anyone there apart from her, and obviously brides tend to be busy on their big day. Is it fair not to go, considering it will cost about £500? I can afford it, but it's a lot for a holiday when I'll mostly be on my own.

I don't think 'fair' comes into it.
Go if you want, don't go if you don't want.
An invitation to a wedding is not a summons to attend, it's not obligatory.
You are at liberty to say 'no'.

Speaking personally, unless the wedding was in an area that I particularly wanted to visit and I was OK being on my own for the duration of the holiday and I was OK not knowing anyone else at the wedding, I'd politely refuse.