Marriage problems

winterblues2019

We don't have a joint bank account and the car finance is in his name. I pay for his insurances on 0% credit cards and pay this off over the year but this has got on top of me and now I'm in debt.

He doesn't act like he loves me and is happy for me to provide and for him to go out and live life like a single man.

I want to move him out so will make steps to do this. It's a shame for our son to have separated parents but I can't enable him any more.

Things came to a head last night, he went out, I went to bed and woke up at 1.30am, he was downstairs with 2 friends all drinking, I could hear them talking, at 3am he went to bed in another room and I was still awake and I yelled at him. I was awake til 6am and feel terrible at work today. He is messaging me saying he won't do it again but I've had enough.

99bottles

He has ever right to live in his house, you can't just move him out. You also have every right not to live in the same house as him if you want to move out.

winterblues2019

Ok thanks for your input

Marvel1

winterblues2019 wrote: »

I want to move him out so will make steps to do this.

However as its jointly owned, he has every right to be there.

winterblues2019

Yes he has but as I am paying for everything I may have to find a way to buy him out or sell the house.

Candyapple

Bloody hell. Do you have mug written across your forehead? Why have you put up with such poor behaviour from him for so long? You should make an appointment with your GP and ask for a counselling referral to tackle your underlying issues and low self esteem as to why you’d stay in such a train wreck of a relationship for so long.

Has he been violent to you in the past? I have a feeling that if you ask him to leave he most definitely will not and will make your life a misery in the process.

Practical things first, what accounts do you have that are joint? Bank account? Mortgage? Loans? Credit cards? If credit cards, who is the principal cardholder?

I would definitely shop him to the police for drink driving (you can call Crimestoppers anonymously) so that he loses his licence and then you also have an excuse to stop paying for his car and van insurance.

Do you own the car that you paid £15k for outright or is it on finance?

Do you have any savings?

Do you have any equity in the property? Personally I’d be willing to pay the £13k fee upon sale of property and be done with him and have a clean break. Otherwise if after 8 years the value has gone up, he would be entitled to half the proceeds even if he hasn’t paid a penny in the mortgage during that time. Plus with his poor credit history, by having a joint mortgage with him you will still be tied to him and it affects your credit worthiness too.

You also need to speak to a solicitor regarding getting the ball started on divorce proceedings.

goodwithsaving

Based on that: leave, cut losses and rebuild your life. It's hard and will be unpleasant, but how can you put up with that?

No house is worth a miserable existance for.

Primrose

Yes you're definitely enabling him by continuing to finance his habits. If you're providing the finances for his food, stop feeding him, stop washing and doing his laundry and he'll soon find out whether he needs mummy or not.
Why are you pqying his vehicle tax and insurance? If they're in his name let him stop drinking and pay for them himself and if he gets fined, let him take the responsibility formoayingnthe penalties. The more you keep paying the less inclined he will be to start facing up to his responsibilities.
From now on, just stop paying anything that his responsibility.

It's obvious this relationship has run out of steam. New divorce laws have just been introduced today. Perhaps you need a free half hour consultation with a solicitor. If you don't feel safe with him because of his drinking, could you ask him to move out. The alternative is that you do although this seems unfair when you laying all the bills. This would have to stop if you had alternative living accommodation to fund.

Could you move in temporarily with your family?

D_M_E

Credit cards and debit cards - make sure he cannot use them and cannot get access to them.

Change all the PIN's so that only you know them and don't write them down.

Also consider scratching off the CVV number on the back - after memorising it, that is - and simply say it's worn away through overuse if he does get hold of the card/s and asks.

Better still if it will not cause too much difficulty, cut them all up except one and disable the contactless function by cutting off a 6mm or so triangle off one corner.

As for money would he believe you if you said work hours are shorter so you now have less and cannot therefore contribute any longer as every penny you get no longer covers the household bills?
This would be backed up by you saying you hardly ever go out which he must have noticed?

Anything in his name, such as car finance, is his alone, nothing to do with you so you cannot be held resposible for anything in his sole name.

Have you looked into Women's Aid for example as what you describe could possibly be looked at as controlling, bullying and abusive behaviour?

Ergates

Sounds like a real catch.

First, make sure your income is safe from him - maybe open a new account he is unaware of and have your wages sent there. Make sure he doesn't find out any of the details.

Stop paying of anything not in your name. Don't give him any money, ever, for any reason. Don't do *anything* for him. Don't feed him, don't wash his clothes.

Ask him to leave. Constantly. Every day, make sure to remind him he's a worthless parasite and he needs to leave. Eventually he might get the message.

As he smokes/drinks/etc with any luck he might just die soon. The world will be a better place without him. Tell him this too.

This might sound harsh, but your "partner" is a sack of !!!!, you can do better. You've stepped in things what were better.