Marriage problems

Marvel1

AylesburyDuck wrote: »

What abuse? Extracted from the link i gave. With highlighted example above, of some of them, others are connected as well to the highlighted.


"It includes the following types of abuse:

psychological:
physical
sexual
financial
emotional abuse."
Most of the above are psychological, with bad financial abuse and added emotional abuse.
All of the above tbh is abusive in some way, you just dont treat people you "supposedly" love like that. But by all means carry on making the OP feel bad because she's more or less paid for everything, while he continues to abuse her financially with his 15 grand car he doesn't work or earn for.
I wondered what rubbish i would come back too, you lot never fail to disappoint!
Hilarious.

Fair enough, but surely locking someone out of their house is abuse too?

Gavin83

AylesburyDuck wrote: »

What abuse? Extracted from the link i gave. With highlighted example above, of some of them, others are connected as well to the highlighted.


"It includes the following types of abuse:

psychological:
physical
sexual
financial
emotional abuse."
Most of the above are psychological, with bad financial abuse and added emotional abuse.
All of the above tbh is abusive in some way, you just dont treat people you "supposedly" love like that. But by all means carry on making the OP feel bad because she's more or less paid for everything, while he continues to abuse her financially with his 15 grand car he doesn't work or earn for.
I wondered what rubbish i would come back too, you lot never fail to disappoint!
Hilarious.

I fail to see what your issue is. No one here is denying his behaviour is unacceptable, the OP is well within her rights to leave him and I'm surprised she's lasted as long as she has. However I don't believe the OP has come here for emotional support, that what her friends/family are for. The OP has likely come here to get an idea what her rights are before speaking to a solicitor and on that basis I don't see any issue with the responses.

As I said in my post almost anything can be considered abuse these days but I certainly wouldn't be calling this an abusive relationship based on what we've seen here, certainly not enough to get him forcibly removed from the property. You are of course entitled to your own opinion but it seems most disagree with you. Saying this ultimately none of our opinions matter.

Also as others have said it's a fact he's a joint owner of the property and even if he is removed he'll still be entitled to a portion of it. I've also said on here before that I believe the person bringing more to the marriage financially has way more to lose and unfortunately in this case it's the OP. She should be aware that the starting point is a 50/50 split of all assets and while she's likely to get more for being the primary carer of the child it's not likely to be anything huge.

His lack of worth ethic will unfortunately work in his favour.

AylesburyDuck

Gavin83 wrote: »

I fail to see what your issue is. No one here is denying his behaviour is unacceptable, the OP is well within her rights to leave him and I'm surprised she's lasted as long as she has. However I don't believe the OP has come here for emotional support, that what her friends/family are for. The OP has likely come here to get an idea what her rights are before speaking to a solicitor and on that basis I don't see any issue with the responses.

As I said in my post almost anything can be considered abuse these days but I certainly wouldn't be calling this an abusive relationship based on what we've seen here, certainly not enough to get him forcibly removed from the property. You are of course entitled to your own opinion but it seems most disagree with you. Saying this ultimately none of our opinions matter.

Also as others have said it's a fact he's a joint owner of the property and even if he is removed he'll still be entitled to a portion of it. I've also said on here before that I believe the person bringing more to the marriage financially has way more to lose and unfortunately in this case it's the OP. She should be aware that the starting point is a 50/50 split of all assets and while she's likely to get more for being the primary carer of the child it's not likely to be anything huge.

His lack of worth ethic will unfortunately work in his favour.

If you do not see the abuse above then :eek: i hope you are single, seriously hope you dont call your OH "not needed" "Lazy" or not let her rest when ill, while having 15 grand cars you expect your wife to pay for while you do nothing and drink and drive in it.
You dont see that as abuse? :eek:
As for the nobody agrees me, thats not what i see, your deluded.
As for the forcibly removed, maybe not on the abuse thats currently being displayed, but once the OP digs her heels in he may well show his true colours and get violent, and the very second that happens then she can get a court order to remove him.
Yes, we do all have our opinions, but if you read this thread, i think you'll find a lot more people agree with me on the abuse issue, and i'm not talking about post likes, i'm talking about post content.

This link maybe useful to the OP as well, how to get a court order to force sale of a home.

https://www.propertysaviour.co.uk/court-order-to-sell-house/

neneromanova

WinterBlues. Look at everything you pay for him, car tax, insurance, finance, and just stop paying. If your name is not on the bill, it is not your debt, even though you are married. That will clear up a bit of money for you to clear your cards quicker. Get the house valued today and either work out if you can afford to buy him out and take the mortgage on yourself, or put it on the market. Yes he may say he's not selling, but at least you'll have taken steps forward to leaving him.



THe next time he goes out and is drunk and drives, you pick up that phone to the police and say he is driving under the influence before he knocks someone over and kills them. I don't care if it's 1 mile or 100, drink driving is selfish and my biggest bug bear.



Move his stuff out of the main bedroom and into the spare one, as you may not be able to kick him out the house, but he won't have to share a bed with you from now on.



And you will see his attitude change, he will stop going out, start working more to hopefully make you see he's a "changed" man, but this is what an abuser does. Sucks you back in and then takes advantage of you all over again.


Also get in touch with Tax credits to see if you're able to claim anything as a single parent. Explain that you are no longer together but he is being an *rse and won't leave (obviously he might very well leave).



Good luck.

Pollycat

neneromanova wrote: »

WinterBlues. Look at everything you pay for him, car tax, insurance, finance, and just stop paying. If your name is not on the bill, it is not your debt, even though you are married. That will clear up a bit of money for you to clear your cards quicker. Get the house valued today and either work out if you can afford to buy him out and take the mortgage on yourself, or put it on the market. Yes he may say he's not selling, but at least you'll have taken steps forward to leaving him.



THe next time he goes out and is drunk and drives, you pick up that phone to the police and say he is driving under the influence before he knocks someone over and kills them. I don't care if it's 1 mile or 100, drink driving is selfish and my biggest bug bear.



Move his stuff out of the main bedroom and into the spare one, as you may not be able to kick him out the house, but he won't have to share a bed with you from now on.



And you will see his attitude change, he will stop going out, start working more to hopefully make you see he's a "changed" man, but this is what an abuser does. Sucks you back in and then takes advantage of you all over again.


Also get in touch with Tax credits to see if you're able to claim anything as a single parent. Explain that you are no longer together but he is being an *rse and won't leave (obviously he might very well leave).



Good luck.

And what happens if he simply moves his stuff back in?

neneromanova

Well yes, he could do that, but it's trying to symbolise to him to F off and get on with his life as her life won't include him from now on.



Would you want your ex partner continuously sleeping in the same bed as you once separated?



Or OP could move into the spare bedroom, whatever.

AylesburyDuck

Pollycat wrote: »

And what happens if he simply moves his stuff back in?

Rinse and repeat till he gets the message

Pollycat

neneromanova wrote: »

Well yes, he could do that, but it's trying to symbolise to him to F off and get on with his life as her life won't include him from now on.

But it's his right to remain in the house and his right to continue sleeping in the bed he's slept in for years.
Unless he's incredibly stupid, he'll realise the implications of "F'ing off" and do his damnedest to stay in the house.

I'm not saying it's fair.
I'm not saying it's morally acceptable.
It's his legal right.

neneromanova wrote: »

Would you want your ex partner continuously sleeping in the same bed as you once separated?

Of course not.
But any relationship I was in wouldn't have deteriorated this far as I'd have sorted it way before it did.

And are they actually separated?
It doesn't sound like the OP has had that conversation with him yet.
Yes, she's had enough.
Yes, she thinks she should cut the apron strings.
Yes, she's asking if she should ask him to move out.
But does he know?

neneromanova wrote: »

Or OP could move into the spare bedroom, whatever.

Of course she could if she wishes.

Pollycat

AylesburyDuck wrote: »

Rinse and repeat till he gets the message

And if he doesn't (want to) get the message?

Who will get worn down first?
It's my guess it would be the OP.
She's already stressed about the situation whilst he doesn't seem to give a damn.

AylesburyDuck

Pollycat wrote: »

And if he doesn't (want to) get the message?

Who will get worn down first?
It's my guess it would be the OP.
She's already stressed about the situation whilst he doesn't seem to give a damn.

You can guess all you want but neither of us will ever know who tires first, or even if he'll ever move his gear back in the first place. Lets face it, you could play the "what if he does the opposite game" all day long, but it makes neither of them fact!