Marriage problems

winterblues2019

Hi all, I'm looking for some advice please and to have a vent, I didn't sleep last night.

I got married 11 years ago and we had a child 5 years ago. We moved to our house 2 years ago (joint mortgage).

He's always liked a drink and going out but it's escalating and he's staying out all night several times a week and sleeping all the next day and hasn't been working much in 6 months and not giving me any money so I am paying for mortgage and all bills and everything else (I work full time) and I'm struggling and have run up credit card debt.

Here's a list of my complaints (obviously the relationship is over):
Drinking
Not coming home til the next day
Coming home 4am
Sleeps all the next day
I can't lock door and I don't feel safe
Smoking
Tells me I'm lazy
Doesn't let me stay in bed at 9am on Saturday
I had conjunctivitis in both eyes and couldn't see or sleep and he was complaining I stayed in bed for a day
Drinks and drives
Texts and calls and drives and I don't feel safe and I get stressed
2 parking tickets, cost us more than 300 (he hid the court papers from me until it was too late and he got a default)
Speeding ticket cost us 100
Doesn't work and doesn't give me enough money
I have all the responsibility to make sure mortgage and bills and credit cards and his car and van insurances etc are paid and I can't manage everything on my own
Spent 15k on a car we can't afford just to show off
I don't trust him, he's not honest, he's happy to stay in this situation with me even though he doesn't love and respect me as I am providing everything for him financially
Not affectionate or kind to me, doesn't hug me or hold my hand or say anything sweet to me
Tells our son "we don't need mummy, what do we need mummy for"
I pay for everything in the house, it's all on my shoulders, I might get some money from him on some random day but it's not guaranteed
No family life, he's out drinking with his friends 3 times a week or sleeping or playing football so doesn't do things with me and our son
We have no money bc he spends it on going out with his friends so I am struggling to pay bills and credit cards and can't pay to fix things in the house
Doesn't go out with me or take me anywhere or give me a break from work and son
Takes me for granted
I have done alot for his family over past 11 years and still do and he complains if I ask him to do things for me and my family
His family lived with us for nearly 10 years in my 1 bedroom flat without asking me

I don't drink, smoke, go out much, don't have a car and I feel stressed about buying myself lunch at work bc of money worries. My "partner" doesn't care about these things and spends money on these things and might give me something at some point if I'm lucky, drinking and staying out all night isn't good for his physical or mental health and he takes antidepressants as well which also isn't good for his liver and he complains about being fat all the time without doing a thing to look after his health.

Thanks for reading this far!

Our mortgage is fixed for another 8 years and we'll have to pay £13k ERC, is it unreasonable to ask him to move out and I will get a lodger and in 8 years we can sell the house?

I must be enabling him so it's time to cut the apron strings and maybe he'll sort himself out.

Marvel1

winterblues2019 wrote: »

Drinks and drives
Texts and calls and drives and I don't feel safe and I get stressed.

With the 5 year old in the car? :eek:

winterblues2019

Not with the 5 year old in the car

MovingForwards

If he drinks and drives call the police and give them the reg number and location....

You clearly do not want to be with him so shouldn't your post be about what steps you can take to end the relationship and stay in the family home?

winterblues2019

Whatever advice anyone wants to give me is appreciated

gettingtheresometime

Just pay the ERC ....imo it would be worth every penny

-taff

Where does he get the money from to go out all the time?

winterblues2019

He does small amounts of work sometimes (not consistently) and has some savings in his own account

D_M_E

Drink driving - if you know when and where he will be then shop him (by the sound of what you have written he will be over the limit the following morning as well as the evening before). You don't want him running the risk of doing it when you or your son are travelling in the vehicle with him, you say he does not do it now, but are you sure, particularly with the still drunk the morning after scenario?

Yes, he will end up in court but you will save car and van tax as well as car and van insurance and he might be persuaded as a result to give up the car and/or van.

Make sure that all and any debts/finance agreements - except the mortgage which you probably cannot do anything about - are in his sole name only and that he has not kept anything which he has taken out in joint names hidden from you.

If you have a joint bank account tell the bank you want your name removing from it forthwith and insist on it - what's to stop him using it and overdraft facility as free funding?

-taff

If he's got a small amount of money, then let him pay his own insurances.

martinthebandit

Do you love him?

.......because it's pretty obvious he doesn't love you.

Move him out and move on