Am I being unreasonable? Husband demanding sex!

[Deleted User]

zpargo said:

Lover_of_Lycra said:

zpargo said:

These days you can outsource cleaning, cooking, and get a nanny for the kids at times. Surely these things can lessen the load on the woman albeit at a cost. With dog walking again there are people out there that can do that for a cost. Alternative is to get a cat as less looking after. 
Sex is an important part of the relationship so can see where he's coming from. In some cases for men that don't have sex for long periods of time can lead to depression and unhappiness. Better to split up if not a happy marriage.

Why are these things the woman's responsibility in the home?  Sharing chores and responsibilities as a team helps lessen the load for both parties and frees up time and energy for sex.

There was, "A letter to....my slob of a partner,"  in the Guardian a few years ago and I can empathise with the author.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/may/26/a-letter-to-my-slob-partner

The woman is talking about housework, other responsibilities such as dog walking and taking care of the kids so one solution is outsourcing and yes the other solution is the guy contributing and I didn't say that the only solution is outsourcing. But are we considering how stressful his job is? If its a city job working 70 hours a week you will struggle to do much else other than work.  I think the stress levels of the jobs need to be taken into consideration. In the above example if other partner is doing a low stress job e.g librarian then  the other person will need support as working a much more stressful job and therefore likely to be earning more and therefore keeping mortgage payments afloat. 

The opening post, and I’m aware the OP hasn’t been back for 2 years, says they both work full time.  Why do you automatically assume the man works more hours or in a more stressful job? The OP is up walking the dog he wanted, sorting the children out for school and off to work before the husband even gets out of bed an hour after she’s left. 

thorsoak

I appreciate that this thread originated pre-COVID lockdown - would be interesting to have a catch-up post - has the husband picked up on household chores/child minding etc - is the OP the one demanding sex?    I know it's unlikely to have a response - but one can imagine that the tables might have turned completely :-D 

Retireby40

paddy's_mum said:

It never ceases to amaze me that the male of the species can boast (and have done for centuries) that they are the clever sex, the ones with the technical minds, the inventors of such great things as algebra, aircraft, typewriters, medical advances, telephones as well as the much vaunted rocket science and yet don't know how to do basic Cub Scout stuff such as switch on a hoover.....:rotfl:

Be careful with stereotyping on this forum. It doesn't go down well.

powerful_Rogue

paddy's_mum said:

It never ceases to amaze me that the male of the species can boast (and have done for centuries) that they are the clever sex, the ones with the technical minds, the inventors of such great things as algebra, aircraft, typewriters, medical advances, telephones as well as the much vaunted rocket science and yet don't know how to do basic Cub Scout stuff such as switch on a hoover.....:rotfl:

What a load of sexist crap.

HouseTargaryen

I think it would help to separate the two issues. A sex life should not be dependant on housework, it should be a given in a healthy relationship. Remove that or refuse to work on that and the relationship will all but end. And he can work on his issues, but they shouldn't in any way relate to having some sort of sex life.

Pollycat

HouseTargaryen said:

I think it would help to separate the two issues. A sex life should not be dependant on housework, it should be a given in a healthy relationship. Remove that or refuse to work on that and the relationship will all but end. And he can work on his issues, but they shouldn't in any way relate to having some sort of sex life.

A sex life should be based on mutual attraction and mutual respect.
I don't know about anybody else but I would not respect or be attracted to someone who treats me like a skivvy and puts his hobbies before me and his children.
And then expects sex.

[Deleted User]

HouseTargaryen said:

I think it would help to separate the two issues. A sex life should not be dependant on housework, it should be a given in a healthy relationship. Remove that or refuse to work on that and the relationship will all but end. And he can work on his issues, but they shouldn't in any way relate to having some sort of sex life.

How much energy for sex do you imagine a person has after working full time, taking care of the children and home by yourself with no input from your partner, and taking on all the responsibility of the dog the partner wanted? Anyone would be exhausted after all that. That’s before you even get into the lack of respect from the one demanding sex? How appealing do you think that is? 

thorsoak

HouseTargaryen said:

I think it would help to separate the two issues. A sex life should not be dependant on housework, it should be a given in a healthy relationship. Remove that or refuse to work on that and the relationship will all but end. And he can work on his issues, but they shouldn't in any way relate to having some sort of sex life.

Sex should be GIVEN in a healthy relationship?    Surely that is the start of an unhealthy relationship.   As Pollycat says, it should be a mutual attraction and desire.   

Retireby40

powerful_Rogue said:

paddy's_mum said:

It never ceases to amaze me that the male of the species can boast (and have done for centuries) that they are the clever sex, the ones with the technical minds, the inventors of such great things as algebra, aircraft, typewriters, medical advances, telephones as well as the much vaunted rocket science and yet don't know how to do basic Cub Scout stuff such as switch on a hoover.....:rotfl:

What a load of sexist crap.

Disgraceful comments and if they were made from a man about a woman there would have been uproar. 

CookieMonster

paddy's_mum said:

paddy's_mum said:

It never ceases to amaze me that the male of the species can boast (and have done for centuries) that they are the clever sex, the ones with the technical minds, the inventors of such great things as algebra, aircraft, typewriters, medical advances, telephones as well as the much vaunted rocket science and yet don't know how to do basic Cub Scout stuff such as switch on a hoover.....:rotfl:

 For the record, men did invent all those things. And the vacuum cleaner too.
They built the house you live in, and the internet you're using to complain about them.