Am I being unreasonable? Husband demanding sex!

izawa

Stop cooking for him, teach him a lesson.

Pollycat

izawa said:

Stop cooking for him, teach him a lesson.

The OP isn't listening.

jimpwarsop

Married woman doesnt want to have sex.

Thats a new one.

zpargo

These days you can outsource cleaning, cooking, and get a nanny for the kids at times. Surely these things can lessen the load on the woman albeit at a cost. With dog walking again there are people out there that can do that for a cost. Alternative is to get a cat as less looking after. 
Sex is an important part of the relationship so can see where he's coming from. In some cases for men that don't have sex for long periods of time can lead to depression and unhappiness. Better to split up if not a happy marriage.

strawb_shortcake

zpargo said:

These days you can outsource cleaning, cooking, and get a nanny for the kids at times. Surely these things can lessen the load on the woman albeit at a cost. With dog walking again there are people out there that can do that for a cost. Alternative is to get a cat as less looking after. 
Sex is an important part of the relationship so can see where he's coming from. In some cases for men that don't have sex for long periods of time can lead to depression and unhappiness. Better to split up if not a happy marriage.

To be fair you could outsource the sex too...

hello007007

annabanana82 said:

zpargo said:

These days you can outsource cleaning, cooking, and get a nanny for the kids at times. Surely these things can lessen the load on the woman albeit at a cost. With dog walking again there are people out there that can do that for a cost. Alternative is to get a cat as less looking after. 
Sex is an important part of the relationship so can see where he's coming from. In some cases for men that don't have sex for long periods of time can lead to depression and unhappiness. Better to split up if not a happy marriage.

To be fair you could outsource the sex too...

Ohhh... you so Naughty 🤣

She's still married at the moment!

cymruchris

hello007007 said:

annabanana82 said:

zpargo said:

These days you can outsource cleaning, cooking, and get a nanny for the kids at times. Surely these things can lessen the load on the woman albeit at a cost. With dog walking again there are people out there that can do that for a cost. Alternative is to get a cat as less looking after. 
Sex is an important part of the relationship so can see where he's coming from. In some cases for men that don't have sex for long periods of time can lead to depression and unhappiness. Better to split up if not a happy marriage.

To be fair you could outsource the sex too...

Ohhh... you so Naughty 🤣

She's still married at the moment!

We don't know that as the post is from 2 years ago - and they haven't logged in for months. 

[Deleted User]

zpargo said:

These days you can outsource cleaning, cooking, and get a nanny for the kids at times. Surely these things can lessen the load on the woman albeit at a cost. With dog walking again there are people out there that can do that for a cost. Alternative is to get a cat as less looking after. 
Sex is an important part of the relationship so can see where he's coming from. In some cases for men that don't have sex for long periods of time can lead to depression and unhappiness. Better to split up if not a happy marriage.

Why are these things the woman's responsibility in the home?  Sharing chores and responsibilities as a team helps lessen the load for both parties and frees up time and energy for sex.

There was, "A letter to....my slob of a partner,"  in the Guardian a few years ago and I can empathise with the author.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/may/26/a-letter-to-my-slob-partner

zpargo

Lover_of_Lycra said:

zpargo said:

These days you can outsource cleaning, cooking, and get a nanny for the kids at times. Surely these things can lessen the load on the woman albeit at a cost. With dog walking again there are people out there that can do that for a cost. Alternative is to get a cat as less looking after. 
Sex is an important part of the relationship so can see where he's coming from. In some cases for men that don't have sex for long periods of time can lead to depression and unhappiness. Better to split up if not a happy marriage.

Why are these things the woman's responsibility in the home?  Sharing chores and responsibilities as a team helps lessen the load for both parties and frees up time and energy for sex.

There was, "A letter to....my slob of a partner,"  in the Guardian a few years ago and I can empathise with the author.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/may/26/a-letter-to-my-slob-partner

The woman is talking about housework, other responsibilities such as dog walking and taking care of the kids so one solution is outsourcing and yes the other solution is the guy contributing and I didn't say that the only solution is outsourcing. But are we considering how stressful his job is? If its a city job working 70 hours a week you will struggle to do much else other than work.  I think the stress levels of the jobs need to be taken into consideration. In the above example if other partner is doing a low stress job e.g librarian then  the other person will need support as working a much more stressful job and therefore likely to be earning more and therefore keeping mortgage payments afloat. 

Pollycat

We don't know how stressful his job is/was.

It's possible the OP's job is/was more stressful and he is/was just plain lazy or is/was living in the dark ages and believes/believed that housework and cooking are 'women's work'.

The OP does say

mojo69 said:

my husband is out a lot and when he is home he's sat on his phone in a different world.

but we don't know if that is/was work or socially.

We also don't know if outsourcing housework, dog walking and taking care of the kids is/was a viable financial solution.

If I had a husband who didn't contribute fairly to the running of the household - taking into account working hours and stress of both parties jobs - he wouldn't be getting sex regardless of how depressed and unhappy it made him.

Relationships are a partnership.

The wife has needs too - and part of those needs is help towards housework and other stuff that this man doesn't think are his responsibility.

Imho the OP made a mistake in 2017 by letting him back into her life believing (erroneously) that he'd changed.

I hope that almost 2 years on from her original post and almost 2 years since she last posted and 18 months since she last logged on, she wised up and has moved on and is either living happily on her own with her kids or with someone who appreciates her and contributes towards the more boring parts of living together (housework, dog walking and taking care of the kids) so they both have time to enjoy more intimate times together.

That's why I've used past tense.