Am I being unreasonable? Husband demanding sex!

MsPisces

I am in no way any sort of medical professional but with a knowledge of a similar relationship could it be possible that your husband has depression? Not that it would excuse his behaviour in any way but may be a reason as to why and if so there could be help for him that could change your relationship

mojo69

Yes, I agree that I'm not doing myself any favours at all. It's been this way for so long that it's become normal I guess.

74jax

mojo69 wrote: »

Yes, I agree that I'm not doing myself any favours at all. It's been this way for so long that it's become normal I guess.

I would put your children before you on this one, if you don't want them to repeat the cycle, if at 10yrs old they would rather get up with you at 6am and be ready for 6.30am so they don't have to face their dad, then get out of it for them.

You say your mother was this way, you say you'd be mortified if your daughters ended up this way. So do something about it.

Pollycat

Reading your first post, I'd say that your husband demanding sex is the least of your problems.

I'd be sitting down and evaluating whether it is worth staying in a marriage that is so one-sided.

Tigsteroonie

mojo69 wrote: »

Nope, the girls get up at 6am because they want to, they hate dad doing mornings with them. He stays in bed until 7.30am, he even gets our 10 yr old to make his coffee for him! Before I leave for work the girls are fed, dressed and all ready to go.

Sounds like the kids will do just fine without him.

DigForVictory

He's walked out once & you all coped.

He wants sex? He can join you at Relate & you can review his demands after three months.

You are familiar with this territory from your parents and your daughters are watching & leaning - don't you think they need to see some changes? We're allowed to make bad decisions for ourselves, but if he's not being a good husband & father they'll learn that's normal & then they will probably follow the same path.

He may be depressed - that doesn't alter the fact that right now he's being demanding & unhelpful.

ska_lover

This sounds an awful situation OP

And it sounds like it has been building up for a long time, as you have split before due to similar things

IMO him being in your life, is actually making your life harder.

He is making life harder for you by just being there

Think about that

You can't go on like this long term.

I think it is time to start thinking about what life would be like without him - what actually would change?

onomatopoeia99

His behaviour is awful, and basically it sounds like the relationship is past done. Sex should never be used as a weapon in a relationship, any more than children.



What may be important for the future is the question of "how did we get to here?" I observe from bits of information drip fed through the topic that you have been in the relationship 12 years and have a 10 year old. So you started trying to convceive after a year, or possibly less. Was that an enthusiastic, mutual decision? The rapidity with which you have gone from start of the relationship to being parents makes me wonder if he feels like he's been steamrollered into parenthood, or was having children his idea which you grudgingly went along with because you knew it was important to him to have a big family (which would make his failure to engage in parenthood all the more surprising)?

prowla

There is a lose-lose situation where one partner won't do the conjugals for the other if they don't do the chores and the other won't do the chores if they're not getting their conjugals.

unholyangel

prowla wrote: »

There is a lose-lose situation where one partner won't do the conjugals for the other if they don't do the chores and the other won't do the chores if they're not getting their conjugals.

Thats not what the OP said.

Neither are chores an option for responsible adults. Never mind something to be used as a tool to get sex from your partner.