Buffy's 30 Month Plan

beanielou

Sweet dreams xxx

Buffythedebtslayer

Banging headache as over indulged last night. Bailey's I love you but you give me a vile hangover.

Also think there was a spider on my face or most horrifying of all in my nose when I woke up, am trying not to dwell on it but not the best start to the day!


I have had breakfast and going to walk the dogs, clean out the small furries and sort out a couple of things in the garden. Then it is operation room once I am feeling a bit better. The next stage is move the bed again (plan A hasn't worked, on to plan and sort out under bed storage.

Exciting stuff.

xxxx

Buffythedebtslayer

Started the gardening, not got near the small furries. Strimmers are hard work and stinging nettles are evil.

having a nap. XX

Sun_Addict

Hope you get everything done you want to achieve today, you seem to have a never-ending to do list like me!

Hope work is better this coming week xx

Buffythedebtslayer

I cannot keep being friends with the D ick. I am almost in tears cos he has sent me a load of houses he wants to look at. I actually couldn't eat. For !!!!'s sake. This is ridiculous. Someone tell me how to stop bloody feeling like this. He wants to meet for a drink in half term, but no specifics so no doubt that won't happen.

I have come to a couple of conclusions today. I am really working class. I feel like I have made a life for myself that is surrounded by middle class people. I am the only one in my family who went to Uni etc and the men I have dated haven't worked out for various reasons, with one guy(working class) it was definitely cos he was intimidated by my education and knowledge - which I know is his problem blah blah. But it is a fitting in thing. Or maybe I am actually scared out of my life re commitment. TOO MUCH thinking. :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

But I do know i feel like I don't fit in to this middle class thing. Big family gatherings in barns (!) and wine that isn't from a supermarket. I know I sound mental and judgey but I just don't. And in my line of work and my group of friends from work that is all I meet. Or no one. And D ick is like middle class on steroids :rotfl: and from the enemy part of London (only half joking on that!!!) and I know when I with him none of that matters but some of the things he says I am just like.........stop being such a knob! :rotfl:

I did a lot in the garden today but still got the animals to sort. Debating on that. should do it now really. oh don't appear to be moving............Hmm.

Buffythedebtslayer

Going to make my vision board for my house. !!!! you D ick.

Jealousy shouldn't motivate me this well!

Went out to the garden to sort the rabbits. Had a bit of an epiphany. He is actually the kinda of teacher I hate (well that is a bit strong, but they get on my tits). That is why he didn't work out at my school. And this might offend some people so I am genuinely sorry if it does and I do understand that this is my (somewhat) odd prejudice. He is what I would call a middle class do gooder. He became a teacher to change lives - as do we all, but from the perspective that he is better, he knows better than the kids he teaches and that they should be grateful(he has more or less said this)... Whereas I became a teacher to give the kids a choice, some freedom. opportunities. Yes a way out of poverty certainly. I don't expect them to be grateful, I expect a fight, a fear, being different is hard. Most won't take the chance but some do. And I do it for them. I suppose you could say he teaches kids similar to him, and I teach similar to me. I know there will be people reading this thinking there is no class divide. I suppose I think in old fashioned terms? But there is serious poverty out there. Terrified hungry children, vulnerable to everything, without stabilty or consistency let alone the bank of Mum and Dad to help. And it is getting worse.

And outside in the garden I got so angry with myself, I am still the same woman who became a teacher for those reasons all those years ago. I am not jealous of him. I don't have to fit in. There is no fight, we aren't even in the same game.

crazy_cat_lady

I totally get what you're saying Buffy. I'm from a very working class background, and I work in a very deprived area where motivation and support is a rare thing in our students. It's hard. But we do make a difference - although it may not feel like it.
I prefer your teaching way.

Pooky

I get it too, I'm very working class and DH wasn't, he was used to foreign homes, servants, money was flashed about like it didn't mean anything. He's happily settled into my way of life but his family still struggle to see how we can be happy. (Although I do know his parents do have some respect for me to sticking to my principles).

I did struggle at first, I was a single Mum living in a wreck of a house and struggling to pay the mortgage and feed the kids, I often went without food so they could eat. On our 2nd date he brought a bottle of wine that was more than my monthly food budget and I cried, cried for the injustice that he could afford it, cried because I could have so used that money to fill the cupboards and cried because I really enjoyed it and felt guilty.

Buffythedebtslayer

Yeah and I don't mean he is bad, he is a fantastic teacher, very imaginative and clever. He could teach in any other school I have worked in(and in this one under the old head) . Far more consistent then me and actually better than me in terms of knowing how to teach I manage a lot on personality (shockingly I do have one). But there is an arrogance there (that ok, I find really attractive!:o) and in the same way I might be dismissive of privilege and not get the kids he didn't get our kids all the time. Plus management are beyond useless. Like it is ridiculous.

I do really like him. He is a good man. For some reason am feeling better about that today.

So anyway moving on.

Cos things are.
And they are changing.
Half term soon. did some gardening yesterday so am moving on there, did intend to come home tonight and do more sorting but feel like crap again so not going to. Am out tomorrow and that must go on the CC

I have decided not to go away but instead set myself the challenge of making 100 pounds in Half term - by selling on FB. And ensure my life is better by half term end. One way or another.

Take care all - now off to watch Game of Thrones

XXXX

Buffythedebtslayer

Pooky wrote: »

I get it too, I'm very working class and DH wasn't, he was used to foreign homes, servants, money was flashed about like it didn't mean anything. He's happily settled into my way of life but his family still struggle to see how we can be happy. (Although I do know his parents do have some respect for me to sticking to my principles).

I did struggle at first, I was a single Mum living in a wreck of a house and struggling to pay the mortgage and feed the kids, I often went without food so they could eat. On our 2nd date he brought a bottle of wine that was more than my monthly food budget and I cried, cried for the injustice that he could afford it, cried because I could have so used that money to fill the cupboards and cried because I really enjoyed it and felt guilty.

you really are quite amazing Pooky, just in case I never tell you. you might forget.

He sent me a picture of his family gathering and I was like......it looks like a school fete. Just for a birthday. All perfect. With bunting. Irrational.

The world is so unequal it is bizarre.