Buffy's 30 Month Plan

Buffythedebtslayer

Today was very very tiring and I am going out to dinner in bit. Need to put a dress on, my work clothes are so FRUMPY.

I am also constantly looking at my phone for D ick to text. Don't get me wrong - he has but it simply isn't enough. Had awful day and just want him to be there.

I also have a squeaky nose. I hate colds.

Right off for pizza.

XXXX

Buffythedebtslayer

two day migraine.

have no money and get paid in 3 days. I don't have any weekend plans cos I don't have any money but I think I just need a rest.

I feel awful.

truly. Mum keeps the house so hot. I am sweating. Can't wait to got to bed.

take care all XXX

beanielou

Boo to the migraine.
I hate being cold but too hot is not great either.
Take care xx

Buffythedebtslayer

Half term is here.

In all the relief and stress and horror of this week I had put D ick to one side. Which was good. But now I am sitting here - no plans for the weekend and just bereft. ridiculous. Eating cookies.

Headache has gone, woke up with 4am without it and was ok with that. Work was tough. bizarrely my back hurts.

Can't actually believe I have a week off. I haven't got any work to do aside from my exam making prep.

I really need to be busy tho so I don't think about D ick. The more I think about it the worse it gets. I really wanted to leave my job but there simply aren't any. I am staying which makes me want to cry. and I fully appreciate that is pathetic. I should just leave. And survive. ugh.

So I need to make this work. Alone.

Buffythedebtslayer

I went and bought fish and chips and think I had some kind of panic attack. Felt dreadful and shakey and my chest ached.

I calmed myself down after a bit, tho don't feel quite right now. I think it might the cold, the migraine and the tiredness.

In the car (where I calmed down!) I thought about paying off the CC with my savings

I have 500 saved for the summer, penny a day = 509, 2000 in savings from the tax re bate. a 1000 pounds coming from PPi.

I haven't done it. I don't think now I will. but it is an option. it gave me peace.

XX

Honeysucklelou2

Hope you are feeling better now. Panic attacks are horrible, hope you are able to get some rest tonight.

Buffythedebtslayer

Yeah, I do feel better now. So tired.

thanks Honeysuckle XXX

beanielou

An early night sounds good to me Buffy.
I am getting worried about you.
Take care xxx

db2016

just read from day one to now.

de lurking.



one over arching theme (which you pick up on when binge reading! lol).



is this guy, i wont be too harsh given im a total stranger, but i am also a male.



dont put energy into him, trust me on this, your not on HIS radar half as much as he's on yours!
i say this from personal experience both having (regrettably) done what he is seemingly doing to you and also having given female friends the same advice.



theres someone out there for everyone but clinging onto the hope on ONE person isn't good.

get online, and cast a wide net, and see how it goes, but the way you speak of "wanting him to hold you and make you feel safe" etc, that isn't healthy.



he's clearly not obtainable / that isn't obtainable from HIM.



cracking strides on the debt though, and the house plans. it will all come into place for you i'm sure.

Sun_Addict

Some food for thought from DB there Buffster. Maybe what you don't want to hear but good advice.

Time to move forwards and put some plans in place xx