Finances causing issues in Relationship

hazyjo

When she was with the ex, was she a stay at home mum and he paid the lot? She's probably begrudging spending her small salary on house stuff and feels you should be taking care of stuff/her (she's wrong, btw!). Maybe it's what she's had before in relationships. As much as they are now your family, they still aren't your kids. If you split tomorrow, you may never see them again. I think she's expecting a lot of you.


Would definitely sit down and go through finances and ask what she actually thinks you should be contributing.


Not sure I agree about the savings thing. You're basically paying to borrow money you have. If something has made you hit the red every month, or has made finances tight (large expense or something), I would just shove an amount back into my bank account and forget about it. Can't suggest an amount without knowing how tight finances are and what you have saved/what you're going overdrawn.


Good luck. It's a tough one.

scubadrummer

Thanks again for the replies. Most of you have reinforced what i have been thinking. I probably earn 3 times what my partner earns but also have my own financial commitments as does she.



She has basically said she wants me to pay for all the food shopping now but I see this as totally unfair. She said she shouldnt be living in her overdraft but to be honest I don't really get why she is.



As people have said, if it isn't too late a frank and open discussion is needed where we lay everything on the table and take it from there.

scubadrummer

Just to clarify as I dont want to paint her in a bad light. She has basically bought her children up on her own from when they were very young with no help at all from her ex or his family. She has always worked hard to provide for them. Maybe this is why now she is behaving this way and feels agrieved by my situation. I lived on my own for the 10 years previous to meeting and have been able to focus on my career. I do want to give her and the kids everything they want and for us all to live in a happy home.



It may be that we both just have totally opposite outlooks on money and life. I am happy with a few things around me and will repair something when it breaks, etc while she is happy when she is buying things lol.

getmore4less

Decide how much of your pot you want to put into the joint pot.
Let her decide how much of her pot she wants to put into the joint pot

Decide if the balance is right.

Do a budget for the joint pot.
Decide how much of the joint pot is to support her kids.
Share what's left on joint things.

caprikid1

You need to keep a spending diary for a few months and go from there.

davidwood681

You're paying too much OP.

My son is in a worse position where he basically has his partner living with him and she contributes nothing.

Resentment built up and he's now asked her to leave.

Some people in life don't know when they're taking the pi ss

FabFifty

Sounds like you are already paying more than enough.

My other half and I each pay the same amount into a joint account, regardless of income, that covers all bills (utilities, maintenance, insurance etc) because we both have enjoyment of the same property and then we are each responsible for the costs incurred for our own children.

Blackbeard_of_Perranporth

Me and BoPsie has a joint account. What comes in goes in there and we don't care. its ours not mine,

Red-Squirrel_2

I suppose this depends on how you view the relationship.

Are you two people who share a home, are you partners or are you a family?


If you are a true partnership or a family unit, then I don't think its right that one person earns 3 times as much as the other and is comfortable while the other struggles and lives in an overdraft to make ends meet. That doesn't meet any definition of partnership I can think of!


If you're a family, then you have a responsibility to the children even though you didn't father them. By moving in together you've reduced the amount of help she can get from the state, you are expected to step up.


So which is it?

Red-Squirrel_2

BBH123 wrote: »

How can some women get it so wrong when choosing who fathers their children.

Lol, a man fathers two children, abandons them and doesn't pay anything towards their upbringing but of course its all the fault of the women who sticks around and raises them alone. :rotfl: